malins said:
Hmmm.
I hit the "qoute" button, but my comment appears as part of you post.
This is strange. But I'm glad you pointed out most of that post was from me, not you.
Let's see how this one turns out. Here goes. . .
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Poll--Were you raised Catholic?
- Thread starter apostate630
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Hmmm.
I hit the "qoute" button, but my comment appears as part of you post.
This is strange. But I'm glad you pointed out most of that post was from me, not you.
Let's see how this one turns out. Here goes. . .
Yep. Malins, that admixture of your post and mine seems to have been a software glitch.
"Modern problems." Pay it no mind.
"Modern problems." Pay it no mind.
malins
Stumbling Seeker
Apostate - "Yep. Malins, that admixture of your post and mine seems to have been a software glitch. "
for moment i was wondering...
It is known among people that i am destroyer of software. not because i am stupid but i always seem able to find combination of button, where programmer says, it is not possible this ever happens.
microsoft company should hire me for laboratory of testing software.if it is possible to make windows version, that resists malinsanity, it will have never bug nor virus.
if you read some story of Stanislaw Lem or Philip K Dick you find concept, of moment where protagonist recognizes inconsistency in world, which proves that one is remote controlled by other person, or not real person at all.
so i am happy that it is actually fact that i write what i write and you write what you write
(just making joke here!!)
as for catholic church, today i laugh in their faces. I have however moved far enough that i blame not all catholic believer for impostume of church system. many are honest. Once you can make joke about something it cannot longer hurt you
for moment i was wondering...
It is known among people that i am destroyer of software. not because i am stupid but i always seem able to find combination of button, where programmer says, it is not possible this ever happens.
microsoft company should hire me for laboratory of testing software.if it is possible to make windows version, that resists malinsanity, it will have never bug nor virus.
if you read some story of Stanislaw Lem or Philip K Dick you find concept, of moment where protagonist recognizes inconsistency in world, which proves that one is remote controlled by other person, or not real person at all.
so i am happy that it is actually fact that i write what i write and you write what you write
(just making joke here!!)
as for catholic church, today i laugh in their faces. I have however moved far enough that i blame not all catholic believer for impostume of church system. many are honest. Once you can make joke about something it cannot longer hurt you
goldenruler
Magistrate
Newbie here.
Like your forum, especially emphasis on discussion, spiced with some images.
Catholic kindergarten, grade school, high school and college. First turned on by Catholic images and verbal descriptions.
President of my high school atheist club, roughed up by a priest, but not crucified for it.
Was whipped and crucified at age 9 and have been practicing self-whipping and crucifixon ever since, but did not practice nude crucifixion until just recently whch I am not 100% sold on yet, but getting there. I still like my skimpy, almost nude Christ-like garment.
I noticed at the head of the forum it says do not post images here, but some are.
Those posted are few of my favorite images. I found a few others of that genre that I like even more, that I think are seldom seen and a real crux turn-on, but did not post for above reason.
Crux Forums and the Crux Foundation are real treasures!
Thanks!
GR/CT
Like your forum, especially emphasis on discussion, spiced with some images.
Catholic kindergarten, grade school, high school and college. First turned on by Catholic images and verbal descriptions.
President of my high school atheist club, roughed up by a priest, but not crucified for it.
Was whipped and crucified at age 9 and have been practicing self-whipping and crucifixon ever since, but did not practice nude crucifixion until just recently whch I am not 100% sold on yet, but getting there. I still like my skimpy, almost nude Christ-like garment.
I noticed at the head of the forum it says do not post images here, but some are.
Those posted are few of my favorite images. I found a few others of that genre that I like even more, that I think are seldom seen and a real crux turn-on, but did not post for above reason.
Crux Forums and the Crux Foundation are real treasures!
Thanks!
GR/CT
Naraku
Draconarius
I was raised Methodist. Like most protestant religions, Methodism does not emphasize the passion & crucifixion & I don't recall any depictions in the church I went to. In my early teens, I began to take an interest in other religions & began reading up on Hinduism, Buddhism & Islam. By the time I was 15, I had come to the conclusion that all religions were human inventions & that god was too. I've been an atheist ever since.
My interest in crux is not religious but is related to my general interest in B&D/S&M. I have no idea where that comes from, but I think I 1st had erotic thoughts about crucifixion from watch old movies including Quo Vadis & a lot of Italian peplum epics.
My interest in crux is not religious but is related to my general interest in B&D/S&M. I have no idea where that comes from, but I think I 1st had erotic thoughts about crucifixion from watch old movies including Quo Vadis & a lot of Italian peplum epics.
Raised Catholic and married a Methodist. But while I been exposed to you know what for most of my childhood years it wasn't until I discovered women that I started thinking about things like whipping, female slavery, and even later about female crucifixion. And while I must admit all those years of sitting, kneeling, and standing there, (You would have to go to mass to understand.) probably had it's effect on my psyche, when I view a woman standing with her arms spread, it does something to me. There's a certain gracefulness about it... Consider the ballet.
My best to you all,
Helmut
My best to you all,
Helmut
Interesting thread, thanks clout for bringing it back to life!
My parents weren't very keen on organised religion, but I liked going to church! Our local vicar (we were in England then) was Anglo-Catholic (= "high church" Episcopalian) and I loved the chanting, bells, candles, incense, bright windows and vestments, and - perhaps especially - the 'spiritual aerobics', standing up sitting, kneeling - yes, especially kneeling. I can remember as a young teenager getting quite orgasmic thrills from the whole business, I knew it was naughty, I ought not to be having such feelings and thoughts, but didn't understand why.
But I don't think crucifixes in church or elsewhere had much impact on me, they were very stylised and just part of the decorations. The only crucifix incident that sticks in memory was when I was 11 - we were on holiday in Spain and I was struck with acute appendicitis. I was rushed into a hospital that was run by an order of nuns. I remember lying on a trolley looking up at a life-size, brightly-painted image of Christ on the Cross. There was a livid bleeding wound across his lower abdomen, "Jesus!" I was thinking, "did they take out your appendix on the Cross!"
I first got excited about Crucifixion at school. As I've mentioned on other threads, a master thought it a good idea to give us 12 year olds a series of lessons, pretty well blow-by-blow, on the Crucifixion of Christ. He could hardly have guessed (or could he?!) the impact he was having on the dark-haired little kid near the back of the class whose big brown eyes grew wider at each gory detail! After that I did begin to look with more interest at crucifixes and pictures of Crucifixion, imagining how they did it, how it felt, experimenting with my own body in that position in gym etc.
My parents weren't very keen on organised religion, but I liked going to church! Our local vicar (we were in England then) was Anglo-Catholic (= "high church" Episcopalian) and I loved the chanting, bells, candles, incense, bright windows and vestments, and - perhaps especially - the 'spiritual aerobics', standing up sitting, kneeling - yes, especially kneeling. I can remember as a young teenager getting quite orgasmic thrills from the whole business, I knew it was naughty, I ought not to be having such feelings and thoughts, but didn't understand why.
But I don't think crucifixes in church or elsewhere had much impact on me, they were very stylised and just part of the decorations. The only crucifix incident that sticks in memory was when I was 11 - we were on holiday in Spain and I was struck with acute appendicitis. I was rushed into a hospital that was run by an order of nuns. I remember lying on a trolley looking up at a life-size, brightly-painted image of Christ on the Cross. There was a livid bleeding wound across his lower abdomen, "Jesus!" I was thinking, "did they take out your appendix on the Cross!"
I first got excited about Crucifixion at school. As I've mentioned on other threads, a master thought it a good idea to give us 12 year olds a series of lessons, pretty well blow-by-blow, on the Crucifixion of Christ. He could hardly have guessed (or could he?!) the impact he was having on the dark-haired little kid near the back of the class whose big brown eyes grew wider at each gory detail! After that I did begin to look with more interest at crucifixes and pictures of Crucifixion, imagining how they did it, how it felt, experimenting with my own body in that position in gym etc.
While we're in autobiographical mode, here's a little piece I wrote recently that adds to what I said above:
Little girls' games – in Scotland and England, and surely bairns all over the world play the same! – often involve one girl being picked to kneel in the middle of the ring while the others mock her. Other girls used to hate it when they were picked, but this one used to hope it would be her! She loved chasing games, too, being hunted like a deer through the woods – she always loved it when she was the one counted out to be chased.
We used to play 'slaves' on our way to and from school – one girl had to carry everyone's bags, while the others smacked her and prodded her and shouted to make her hurry. Again, other girls used to moan, but this girl would say "Let me be the slave, please!"
Around puberty, of course she became more aware of her body, how she looked, what parts she should display, what parts she should hide. She wasn't a 'sexy' teenager, a little Lolita, she didn't try like some girls do to attract male attention – she used to hitch her skirt up over her belt on her way to school so the boys (and, she knew quite well, male teachers too) could get a good view of her nice legs, but all her friends did that too, and she just liked (and still likes) the feeling of cool air on her skin.
She remembers becoming very aware of her vulnerability, how the bare skin of her legs, back, waist – whatever parts were exposed, especially in summer, could be gazed at, touched and even whipped: yes, by 11 or 12 she was excited by whipping! In Scotland until very recently it wasn't unusual for girls to be beaten with the Tawse, a leather strap, on our hands, legs or buttocks – in England, where she went to secondary school, only a slipper was used, and less often. Still, this girl was regularly beaten on her bum wearing only thin cotton gym-knickers, for messing about in the changing-room!
But she wasn't frightened of being vulnerable, or even of the Tawse, she found it thrilling. It was this delight in being naked and vulnerable that made her like to sleep nude, no matter what her parents said to try to stop her – and she still does! So she enjoyed any activities where she could change into light clothing – shorts, briefs, leotard, swimsuit etc. At the swimming pool, for example, she'd get her friends to make her a 'human sacrifice', leading her ceremoniously up to the diving board and throwing her in!
And a bit later she discovered the story of St. Eulalia in a little book of saints belonging to a 'churchy' great-aunt. The idea of a 13-year-old girl like herself being scourged, racked, torn with Hooks, and tied on an X Cross to be roasted to death, while she went on being spunky and cheeky to her Tormentors, filled her with delight!
Stories and pictures about Classical women facing exciting fates, invariably more or less naked, also fed her appetite. She loved to imagine herself in such situations, e.g. leaning her bikini-clad body against a rock on the sea-shore, stretching up her arms to an old mooring ring, being Andromeda watching the waves and waiting for the monster who will come and devour her (she didn't want Perseus turning up to 'rescue' her and spoiling her fun, she wanted to meet her monster!)
There was a path on her way home from school that passed through rough woodland, where the bushes grew dense in summer. A gang of boys used to hide in there sometimes and ambush us girls, leaping out with long, prickly bramble-stems and wrapping them round our bodies and legs – it hurt like hell, and if you struggled it only made it much worse, so you were trapped, and they wouldn't let you go until they'd searched your bag and pockets for sweets, crisps or anything else they fancied for 'ransom' and you'd earned your freedom with kisses! You could go round another, longer way to avoid this trap, but if you didn't want to be teased and called a wimp, you just saved up the sweets and crisps your mum had put as treats in your lunchbox, hitched up your skirt, and walked bravely down what we girls called The Martyr's Path! Your slavegirl got 'captured' several times – it didn't upset her, she found it quite exciting, hurrying through the woods wondering if the boys were waiting for her, and when she was their captive they said she was 'good sport', 'cos she always made sure she'd got plenty of 'ransom' for them, and when they'd helped themselves to that she'd kiss them 'properly' to earn her freedom! The sight of brambles when she walks in the woods still sends a shiver up her thighs!
So, by the time she was entering adolescence, there's no doubt her true dharma, the most right and natural way for her to live, was emerging: to be naked and vulnerable, to be whipped and tortured and crucified, to be a victim – but not a pathetic one, she's a brave, spunky kid like St. Eulalia, she's eager to face monsters naked like Andromeda, she's 'good sport' for her captors.
But of course, the 'normal' expectations, of parents, teachers, peer-group, hemmed her in and forced her to try to suppress her real slave-self. It didn't work, it only made her unhappy, depressed, impossible to live with. Boyfriends, and later male partners, found her hard to understand – though she loved trying to please them, they either found her submissiveness irritating or an excuse to abuse her. So it's not surprising that she experienced a series of increasingly disastrous relationships. She felt there was something wrong with her, she felt guilty and ashamed. Yet she knew in her heart that it wasn't wrong, it couldn't be, it was – and is – her true self.
And at last she's discovered on Crux Forums a place where she can explore and express this important part of herself without feeling bad and screwed up about it. Through her poems, stories and fantasies, she can be her true self, and if they give pleasure to her friends and visitors on the Forum, that makes her very, very happy!
Girly Games
Little girls' games – in Scotland and England, and surely bairns all over the world play the same! – often involve one girl being picked to kneel in the middle of the ring while the others mock her. Other girls used to hate it when they were picked, but this one used to hope it would be her! She loved chasing games, too, being hunted like a deer through the woods – she always loved it when she was the one counted out to be chased.
We used to play 'slaves' on our way to and from school – one girl had to carry everyone's bags, while the others smacked her and prodded her and shouted to make her hurry. Again, other girls used to moan, but this girl would say "Let me be the slave, please!"
Around puberty, of course she became more aware of her body, how she looked, what parts she should display, what parts she should hide. She wasn't a 'sexy' teenager, a little Lolita, she didn't try like some girls do to attract male attention – she used to hitch her skirt up over her belt on her way to school so the boys (and, she knew quite well, male teachers too) could get a good view of her nice legs, but all her friends did that too, and she just liked (and still likes) the feeling of cool air on her skin.
She remembers becoming very aware of her vulnerability, how the bare skin of her legs, back, waist – whatever parts were exposed, especially in summer, could be gazed at, touched and even whipped: yes, by 11 or 12 she was excited by whipping! In Scotland until very recently it wasn't unusual for girls to be beaten with the Tawse, a leather strap, on our hands, legs or buttocks – in England, where she went to secondary school, only a slipper was used, and less often. Still, this girl was regularly beaten on her bum wearing only thin cotton gym-knickers, for messing about in the changing-room!
But she wasn't frightened of being vulnerable, or even of the Tawse, she found it thrilling. It was this delight in being naked and vulnerable that made her like to sleep nude, no matter what her parents said to try to stop her – and she still does! So she enjoyed any activities where she could change into light clothing – shorts, briefs, leotard, swimsuit etc. At the swimming pool, for example, she'd get her friends to make her a 'human sacrifice', leading her ceremoniously up to the diving board and throwing her in!
And a bit later she discovered the story of St. Eulalia in a little book of saints belonging to a 'churchy' great-aunt. The idea of a 13-year-old girl like herself being scourged, racked, torn with Hooks, and tied on an X Cross to be roasted to death, while she went on being spunky and cheeky to her Tormentors, filled her with delight!
Stories and pictures about Classical women facing exciting fates, invariably more or less naked, also fed her appetite. She loved to imagine herself in such situations, e.g. leaning her bikini-clad body against a rock on the sea-shore, stretching up her arms to an old mooring ring, being Andromeda watching the waves and waiting for the monster who will come and devour her (she didn't want Perseus turning up to 'rescue' her and spoiling her fun, she wanted to meet her monster!)
There was a path on her way home from school that passed through rough woodland, where the bushes grew dense in summer. A gang of boys used to hide in there sometimes and ambush us girls, leaping out with long, prickly bramble-stems and wrapping them round our bodies and legs – it hurt like hell, and if you struggled it only made it much worse, so you were trapped, and they wouldn't let you go until they'd searched your bag and pockets for sweets, crisps or anything else they fancied for 'ransom' and you'd earned your freedom with kisses! You could go round another, longer way to avoid this trap, but if you didn't want to be teased and called a wimp, you just saved up the sweets and crisps your mum had put as treats in your lunchbox, hitched up your skirt, and walked bravely down what we girls called The Martyr's Path! Your slavegirl got 'captured' several times – it didn't upset her, she found it quite exciting, hurrying through the woods wondering if the boys were waiting for her, and when she was their captive they said she was 'good sport', 'cos she always made sure she'd got plenty of 'ransom' for them, and when they'd helped themselves to that she'd kiss them 'properly' to earn her freedom! The sight of brambles when she walks in the woods still sends a shiver up her thighs!
So, by the time she was entering adolescence, there's no doubt her true dharma, the most right and natural way for her to live, was emerging: to be naked and vulnerable, to be whipped and tortured and crucified, to be a victim – but not a pathetic one, she's a brave, spunky kid like St. Eulalia, she's eager to face monsters naked like Andromeda, she's 'good sport' for her captors.
But of course, the 'normal' expectations, of parents, teachers, peer-group, hemmed her in and forced her to try to suppress her real slave-self. It didn't work, it only made her unhappy, depressed, impossible to live with. Boyfriends, and later male partners, found her hard to understand – though she loved trying to please them, they either found her submissiveness irritating or an excuse to abuse her. So it's not surprising that she experienced a series of increasingly disastrous relationships. She felt there was something wrong with her, she felt guilty and ashamed. Yet she knew in her heart that it wasn't wrong, it couldn't be, it was – and is – her true self.
And at last she's discovered on Crux Forums a place where she can explore and express this important part of herself without feeling bad and screwed up about it. Through her poems, stories and fantasies, she can be her true self, and if they give pleasure to her friends and visitors on the Forum, that makes her very, very happy!
Fantasmo
Senator
This is very moving, Eulalia, I think you expressed very well how many of us are feeling in depth!
The more "extreme" kinks are rare among people and the vast majority just fails to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, even in the rare cases where you get a chance to try to explain. (Ok, I am sure that not everyone in here understands it as well, but that's a different story)
So most of us are forced to hide this part of their personality and make it kind of a "den of thieves" and possibly even develop a sense of guilt because average people would call it sick.
Forums like this one basically are the only way to find people who are sharing views and fantasies of this kind and to at least be able to exchange thought.
It still is a long way, and probably one that is reserved to very few, very lucky ones, to find a partner in real life with whom it is possible to create a mesh of play-scenes and mind-cinema that would be as close to our dreams that it possibly can get.
All your posts and writings are mirroring "a beautiful mind", you really don't have any reason to feel guilty or ashamed.
The more "extreme" kinks are rare among people and the vast majority just fails to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, even in the rare cases where you get a chance to try to explain. (Ok, I am sure that not everyone in here understands it as well, but that's a different story)
So most of us are forced to hide this part of their personality and make it kind of a "den of thieves" and possibly even develop a sense of guilt because average people would call it sick.
Forums like this one basically are the only way to find people who are sharing views and fantasies of this kind and to at least be able to exchange thought.
It still is a long way, and probably one that is reserved to very few, very lucky ones, to find a partner in real life with whom it is possible to create a mesh of play-scenes and mind-cinema that would be as close to our dreams that it possibly can get.
All your posts and writings are mirroring "a beautiful mind", you really don't have any reason to feel guilty or ashamed.
Crux-Emperor Baracus X
Rectidolor
Me...? I'm Church of England,but not practising...
Wonderful job Eulilia
H
john rambo
Magistrate
john rambo
Magistrate
Eulalia: 1 to 10, how much you like to be crucified?
Fantasmo
Senator
This statement may be confusing for others, for me the first word (In) makes me doubt if I am understanding correctly:
Are you saying that crux play as such doesn't do it for you or that something in that picture wouldn't do it for you?
After all "crux-play" is a more or less "empty" shell that is getting to life only by "surroundings" ("trial", scourging, carrying the patibulum naked, being exposed naked, being "abused" and specuially by a "knowing crucifex" who knows how to trigger ... and maintain rolling... your mind cinema...)
Sorry I'm confusing, slavegirl bows low in apology.
The picture's absolutely lovely, definitely "does it" for me!
The fantasy slavegirl eulalia would love to be crucified like that.
But the real woman fantasising eulalia certainly wouldn't want it to happen to her in real life,
and crux-play, which she has tried, doesn't do it for her, it's too artificial, inevitably too far removed from the emotional trauma it would entail in reality, and too much preoccupied with the mechanics, physiology etc. I'm very happy for those who do enjoy it, especially when they give us lovely photos, but don't want to do it myself. Having a vivid imagination keeps my mind cinema rolling!