General Praetorius’ Report
Although I am required to report the facts of what happened next, I will skip the gruesome and disgusting details as those Chinese devils raised and nailed our brave women to crosses while satiating their lust on them!
I shall not tell you how the girls cried out in agony as their nailed wrists bore their weight being hauled up the stakes, how their bodies writhed and twisted as their scarred backs grated on the rough wood, how nails were cruelly driven through their feet causing them to spasm in pain, thrusting bodies out, hips pumping, sweat pouring. I will not repeat how once hung in excruciating pain, their stretched stomachs panted, those naked breasts bounced with labored breathing, the hard nipple points seeming to pop out.
I cannot mention how those heartless men raped and sodomized those helpless, innocent girls, certainly not describing them thrusting their swollen manhoods in the mouths and forcing their emission down those sweet throats.
My men remained stoically at their posts, never looking away. Noble sentiments were occasionally whispered – “I wish that were me!” “Can you believe how {garbled} Kathy looks?” “Look at FSG. How can one girl take so much.” “I wish I were out there!” “Can you believe that?” “I wish I were there near Barb, I’d show them how it’s done!”
And many short exclamations of disgust, “Shit!” “Fuck!” “Oh Man!”
I, myself, could only stare in admiration and fascination at thirteen young, shapely women, stretched on the crosses in unspeakable agony. Their bodies covered with sweat and small rivulets of blood, breasts heaving and hips writhing in pain from the barbaric torture.
A fresh scream of agony from Lieutenant Brave, stirred me from my hypnotic state. All was ready, it was time for the rescue.
It took some time to get the attention of the Sergeants (they too seemed mesmerized by the spectacular disgusting display of naked, tortured female bodies) and signaled for them to set off the bomb. I plugged my ears as they drove the plunger to set off the massive explosion.
Silence! It didn’t work!
Now how could we save the girls?
The Sergeants scrambled over and promised that they would go back to the truck and make sure everything was still OK, and if necessary, check every inch of the wire for breaks. I complemented them on their courage and dedication and passed the word to our team that the rescue would be delayed slightly. I must point how proud I was at their reaction. Everyone took the news without comment and went back to duty, keeping an eye on the girls.
The next hour or so was very difficult for me and my team. Not a man took a break; not an eye looked away. I cannot communicate how that sight of thirteen lovely women, naked, stretched in agony, and thrusting their bodies in cruel counterfeit of sexual passion effected my men. Suffice it to say that the scene touched each one deeply and intimately and aroused powerful passions. As is typical of soldiers under combat conditions, several had to lower their trousers and relieve themselves in place, rather than tear themselves from their duty of watching the tableau of torture in front of them.
After this interminable and agonizing wait for my team, my trusty Sergeants returned and reported.
“Sorry, General, that it took so long,” said Connoisseurs. We had to inspect almost the entire line. We just found and repaired the break,”
“Ja,” agreed Loxuru, “Some dummkopf betrunken Artz tripped over it in the dark while going to piss!” He shot a reproachful look at Captain Tree, who was concentrating on the crucified girls and downing the last bottle of Riesling.
I signaled for everyone to get ready. It took some time to get everybody’s attention, but after a while we were all at alert with our weapons. Our long painful wait was over, we were indeed anxious to face danger in our near suicidal mission. We knew many of us would not survive this day.
I covered my ears and nodded to Connoisseurs and he dropped the plunger.
This time it worked! The ground shook like an earthquake and a deafening explosion was heard. A moment later a massive black cloud rose just south of us.
As one man, the brave, fighting 4078th rose with a yell and began pouring fire into the startled Chinese. Aroused (after an hour of watching the women suffer) to a level of excitement that is hard to appreciate, we were like Medieval Viking Berserkers, oblivious to danger or fear. Even Captain Tree, with an unloaded gun, staggered forward swearing and shouting, “Bang, Bang, Bang!”
Lead by me and Major Grave (who was waving an old Cavalry sword he had somehow obtained and shouting “Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward!”) We mowed down the front line of Chinese armed sentries. Those near the crosses, who had been relaxing, drinking and taunting the girls, were in shock from the explosion and bolted for their rear as soon as they saw our terrifying assault. In a space of two minutes, while inflicting severe casualties, we had routed the entire Chinese company.
[Not to be included in report. As the fighting subsided, Colonel Phebus and I came across the Chinese company commander, Da wei (大尉) (Captain) Me Hos Fuk, hiding in a shell hole. He immediately surrendered in perfect English. Turns out, he was Harvard, '48, AND a Phi Theta Beta! He had learned his first crucifixion skills (non-nails) at the Frat house on some Radcliffe girls the brothers had ‘borrowed.’ Of course, we couldn’t take a noble and honorable frat brother prisoner, so we quietly released him.]
Just then I realized we needed an evacuation plan. Miraculously, we heard the sound of choppers approaching. Flabbergasted, I looked to Corporal Rodent. “I found an abandoned Chinese radio near the ammo truck and rewired it to UN frequencies, General. First thing this morning I called in to Sparky at HQ and requested a full evac.”
In a few moments, choppers were on the ground and medics were aiding us in getting the women down from the crosses and into the choppers. I, Colonel Phlebas and Major Grave, leading as always, rode in the first chopper out. We put Corporal Rodent in charge of getting the rest out. I can proudly report that all went smoothly with every member out and no casualties, not even one wounded (actually Captain Tree had a nasty gash in his forehead when he tripped and fell over a dead chink.) Sergeants Connoisseurs and Loxuru were last out, wanting to "dispose of the prisoners the way we did in the War" – whatever.
In less than two hours from the explosion, all were safe and relaxing back at HQ, where we were toasted (justly) as heroes.
Oh yeah, the girls were out fine, too. All taken to hospital, I guess.
