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Crucifixion And You: How Did The Idea Start?
- Thread starter Simpson
- Start date
barbudo
Condemned
It all began as a catholic kid’s play, like for so many - at first being unaware where it might lead. My earliest memory, at age five or six maybe, is just getting out of the bathtub with a friend - hot water was scarce at the time - and while still both naked, playing „priest“ giving the blessing at the altar with widespread arms. This position lead directly to imitate Jesus on the cross, arms spread as well, and trying to tie a fitting loincloth with the towel we had just used to dry ourselves.
Not much older yet, with the kids of the block playing „Cowboys and Indians“ or „Police and Robbers“, my favorite role was the victim who got caught and tied to a tree or pole with mom’s clothesline. This - at an age when I still had no clue that my penis might one day serve for something far better than just peeing - caused a strange kind of „growth“ in my underpants. My first idea was that some kind of a „soft bone“ was gliding out of my pelvis, giving me a strange but very welcome sensation. I still believed this to be caused by the forced position in bondage. Aready leaning to an innocent sort of masochism at age eight or so, but still totally unaware of any sexual context.
Sunday mass was a duty then, and it left lots of time to study all the rich iconography in the baroque churches of our beautiful region North of the Alps. The via crucis, martyrs brought to death by the most phantastic ways, and lots more of the kind. The best it could get was if there was not just a crucifix but an entire calvary with its three crosses. The robbers to both sides of Jesus tied to their crosses with ropes in the most absurd and strange positions. As I more and more realized my own desire for crucifixion, being bound to the cross appeared far more realistic for trying it myself one day. It was not only for the practical reason that I couldn’t imagine a way to nail myself, but also to avoid permanent damage, of course. During a guided tour of the Passion Play theatre at Oberammergau, it was mentioned that the actor performing Jesus had to endure almost half an hour on the cross, but regretfully no details about how he did.
Coming of age, neturally the sexual component was getting more significant. In eighth grade a Roman Catholic schoolbook dealt with crucifixion to some extent, amongst others referring to experiments made with prisoners of concentration camps and describing the duration and the effects crucifixion had on the victims in great detail. History and art already had been my favourite subjects in primary school, when were taught a lot about the 2000 years of our city, the ancient capital of the Roman province of Raetia. I began to do more research and experimenting on myself, with all the limitations given. Literature, encyclopedias, works of art in churches and museums were welcome sources of information and inspiration.
Step by step I perfected self-bondage and self-crucifixion, but never managed to get the feet off the ground for more than a moment, the pain in the arms just being to much to bear for an extended span of time while a footrest necessarily had to be within reach. In pre-internet days I was always feeling very lonesome with such a strange and crazy obsession. Fortunately, those days are over, and it feels incredibly good to finally share thoughts in a forum of equal-minded persons all over the world. Not to mention the almost unlimited source of inspiration it provides.
Now I am lucky to have a partner who takes part in sado-maso games to some extent. Despite some flagellation and torture played on me by her while being stretched out in crux position on the ground, the „real thing“, hanging from the height of a wooden cross only fixed by wrists and ankles, still is a dream. If permanent damage could be definitely ruled out, nails would be fine...
Not much older yet, with the kids of the block playing „Cowboys and Indians“ or „Police and Robbers“, my favorite role was the victim who got caught and tied to a tree or pole with mom’s clothesline. This - at an age when I still had no clue that my penis might one day serve for something far better than just peeing - caused a strange kind of „growth“ in my underpants. My first idea was that some kind of a „soft bone“ was gliding out of my pelvis, giving me a strange but very welcome sensation. I still believed this to be caused by the forced position in bondage. Aready leaning to an innocent sort of masochism at age eight or so, but still totally unaware of any sexual context.
Sunday mass was a duty then, and it left lots of time to study all the rich iconography in the baroque churches of our beautiful region North of the Alps. The via crucis, martyrs brought to death by the most phantastic ways, and lots more of the kind. The best it could get was if there was not just a crucifix but an entire calvary with its three crosses. The robbers to both sides of Jesus tied to their crosses with ropes in the most absurd and strange positions. As I more and more realized my own desire for crucifixion, being bound to the cross appeared far more realistic for trying it myself one day. It was not only for the practical reason that I couldn’t imagine a way to nail myself, but also to avoid permanent damage, of course. During a guided tour of the Passion Play theatre at Oberammergau, it was mentioned that the actor performing Jesus had to endure almost half an hour on the cross, but regretfully no details about how he did.
Coming of age, neturally the sexual component was getting more significant. In eighth grade a Roman Catholic schoolbook dealt with crucifixion to some extent, amongst others referring to experiments made with prisoners of concentration camps and describing the duration and the effects crucifixion had on the victims in great detail. History and art already had been my favourite subjects in primary school, when were taught a lot about the 2000 years of our city, the ancient capital of the Roman province of Raetia. I began to do more research and experimenting on myself, with all the limitations given. Literature, encyclopedias, works of art in churches and museums were welcome sources of information and inspiration.
Step by step I perfected self-bondage and self-crucifixion, but never managed to get the feet off the ground for more than a moment, the pain in the arms just being to much to bear for an extended span of time while a footrest necessarily had to be within reach. In pre-internet days I was always feeling very lonesome with such a strange and crazy obsession. Fortunately, those days are over, and it feels incredibly good to finally share thoughts in a forum of equal-minded persons all over the world. Not to mention the almost unlimited source of inspiration it provides.
Now I am lucky to have a partner who takes part in sado-maso games to some extent. Despite some flagellation and torture played on me by her while being stretched out in crux position on the ground, the „real thing“, hanging from the height of a wooden cross only fixed by wrists and ankles, still is a dream. If permanent damage could be definitely ruled out, nails would be fine...
windar
Teller of Tales
I'm neither Catholic nor Protestant nor into crux. I'm here for the free beer (still waiting...).I went to a c of e school not catholic. I find it interesting so many of you got into this through jesus. ( althougth it makes sense crux .....duh )
For me religion and the jesus side is a major turn off. Probably because there is no shame in sex for a protestant.
Probably because im not a crux guy so much as i am a bdsm torture guy punishment sexual execution in any way.
I found this site and love it beacause of its community. I am aware this is a crux website.
I just wondered and wanted a show of hands for those that are not just into this stuff because of catholic school.
Seriously, I second your statement about community. It's the only site I know of where you can post a story and get thousands of views (thanks, Mom
) and hundreds of comments (some of them even intelligent ones). Other sites you might get two or three comments along the lines of "great story" (I mean I'm flattered, but I'd rather hear what you liked and didn't like).
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Never gone to catholic school nor church. Religion has been no source in my case.
Bad luck, there is only a coffee shop here!
barbudo
Condemned
Don't think it really has to do so much with catholicism indeed - it just happens to be common around here, or (former) catholics talking more openly. There are fine examples of crosses and even calvaries in prostestant churches, too, at least here in Central Europe. Leaving away all the folklore of saints and martyrs, the crucified appears even more prominent. And - why should there be no shame for sex only in protestants while catholics can get rid of their sins so easily by confession?
Mark Kee
Magistrate
I have met a woman or two who seemed fascinated by the crucifixion beyond any religious context and grew up in an evangelical Christian community. I was never able to ask them explicitly about their interest, but I wish I had. The worst that could have happened would have been a nasty look and some statement along the lines of "Ewe, that is sick!" To which I might have replied with some observations about her religion. I try not to ever argue with anyone over their religious beliefs. At least in real life.
In my fantasy life, I can imagine getting a woman who is caught up in the frenzy of loving Jesus to demonstrate her love and devotion by stripping herself to the waist so that she might be viciously flogged and then nailed to a cross. Then, I would give her a choice-- stay true to her beliefs and suffer more or deny her faith and be let down and given whatever medical treatment is required. In the process, she will have learned something about herself and her true degree of devotion and I would have enjoyed carrying out the exercise.
In my fantasy life, I can imagine getting a woman who is caught up in the frenzy of loving Jesus to demonstrate her love and devotion by stripping herself to the waist so that she might be viciously flogged and then nailed to a cross. Then, I would give her a choice-- stay true to her beliefs and suffer more or deny her faith and be let down and given whatever medical treatment is required. In the process, she will have learned something about herself and her true degree of devotion and I would have enjoyed carrying out the exercise.
windar
Teller of Tales
I wrote a story somewhat along those lines http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/the-real-historical-female-jesus.5775/
Tricia
Governor
It's funny because I used to fantasize about attending a religious cult ceremony that carried out ritualistic crucifixions. The crucifixions were reenacted to be as close to a roman crucifixion as posible with a judge, guards, spectators, procession, etc.
My fantasy would start with me being told about the cult and the process for initiation. Once I agreed, I was told "remove all of your clothes!" and handed a small loincloth...
...do detail what comes next!!!
Jon Smithie
Tribune
Gotta disagree with you there. Remember that Jesus said
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (NIV)
Based on the typical Christian interpretation of this injunction, not only is sex itself sinful, but the desire to have sex, the fantasy of it, is itself a sin equivalent to committing the act in reality.
This may be a simplistic interpretation, and not at all what Jesus meant. But many Christians down through the ages, both Catholic and Protestant, have believed and taught this, and it has fucked up a whole lot of people, me included.
Tricia
Governor
I respond, “excuse me?” …one of the men sternly states…” we will not!!! Remove your clothes now!!!…everything!!!” I quickly start to disrobe feeling my cheeks turning a bright shade of red. I take the piece of cloth that was handed to me, confused as to how to wear it or how it would cover me. When one of the ladies of the cult takes it from my hand and wraps it around my waist, ties it off in a knot in the back and then pulls the remaining cloth through my legs, pulling it tight so the cloth goes deep into the crack of my ass and up through the front where she tucks it in. I smile and thank her for her kindness and she pulls me close to her and kisses me deeply and steps away.
I look down and see that this cloth barely covers me, however I feel a strange sense of excitement at my vulnerability and feel my heart pounding within my chest as I feel the warm breeze on my bare skin. Two guards approach me and take me by the arms and escort me through some trees and hedges and onto a road where I see several buildings and people mulling about all dressed in Roman attire. I can see by the way that they are dressed, some of the people are part of the ruling class of this cult and others are slaves or common people.
I’m brought to a building that is completely open in the front with a large staircase and as I am escorted up the stairs, a whipping frame on a platform comes into view. It is large and made of wood and faces the street. I feel a tightness in my throat as we get to the top of the stairs and I can see that this is the court room where I will be tried.
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Crux-Emperor Baracus X
Rectidolor
Amen to that.....(No pun intended)Yes, I grew up Protestant and couldn’t agree more.
windar
Teller of Tales
Yes, I grew up Protestant and couldn’t agree more.
It's good to know it's not me that did it, Moore-SG
...and then???
Tricia
Governor
The courtroom has only one large, ornate chair against the back wall that is on a magnificent marble platform. It is clearly the seat of the magistrate who will seal my fate. The seat is empty; however, the courtroom is filled with men and women, young and old, standing silently looking at me as I’m escorted in.
The two guards bring me to the center of this crowded courtroom where I have now become very self-conscious of my state of undress and in an attempt to cover my bare breasts, I instinctually cross my arms to cover them. One of the guards immediately states, “put your hands at your sides girl!” I feel my cheeks blushing again and look down at my partially naked body and am thankful for the small modicum of modesty the loincloth provides me.
As I stand in the middle of this room, which was starting to feel like an eternity to me, a door on the rear wall opens and a man in very elaborate toga appears and walks up the marble stairs and sits down in the chair. He’s an older, attractive man in his 60’s who clearly has the respect of everyone in the courtroom. He looks down at me and states “you have been charged with treason and sedition against the empire! How do you plead?” Looking down at the floor and at my bare feet, I mutter “not guilty.” The courtroom silence is gone, and everyone begins to laugh and shout and are quickly silenced by the judge. The judge then states to the guards… “ I want a confession! Bring her back to me when she is ready to confess her crimes…Now bring in the next prisoner.”
Tricia
Governor
As I was being escorted out of the courtroom, two other guards were escorting a young boy about 18 years of age into the courtroom. He also was wearing nothing but a tiny loincloth and as our eyes met he smiled nervously as we passed each other.
The two guards lead me back out into the front of the building where a large crowd has gathered and hand me over to another male and female guard. However, these two are dressed quite differently from the first two. They are both attired in brown leather, short, sleeveless tunics. The female is quite muscular and attractive with a nice figure and ample bosom. The male is not so attractive but is quite muscular.
The female takes me by the arm and leads me to the top of the stairs and has me face the large crowd that is assembled on the road below. As I stand humiliated looking out at the crowd, the female guard reaches down and strips me of my loincloth and lets it fall to the ground. I am now completely bare looking out on a crowd of men and woman who appear to be delighted at my nudity and fate.
The female guard faces the crowd and states… “this prisoner has been charged with treason and sedition and the magistrate has ordered us to obtain a confession”. Simultaneously, the male guard approaches and takes my wrist and secures it with a thick leather restraint and when he finishes, he does the same with the other. The female guard then secures my ankles with the same type of leather restraints and when she is finished, I am escorted to the whipping frame where they once again turn me to face the crowd and secure my arms to chains on the top of the frame. My legs are spread apart, and my feet are secured to bolts attached to the wooden floor.
I am now fully displayed for the crowd below and I feel a tightness in my throat and have never felt humiliation like this before in my life. Just when I think the humiliation can't get any worse, the female guard now starts to turn a wheel located on the side of the frame which pulls the chains I’m attached to towards the top of the frame stretching my body taught. She continues to turn the wheel until I'm barely able to stand on my tip toes.