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Crux Humour

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Crucified woman to Roman General who crucified her: "Please...please put me down...."
Roman General "You want me to let you down? OK, you weren't the best piece of ass I ever had. Your sister was. Your tits sag like rocks in bags. How's that for a put-down?"
 
Crucified woman to Roman General who crucified her "Please, have mercy on me!"
General "But I am having mercy on you! Where you're going, you'll never have to taste your own shit cooking ever again!"
 
Crucified woman to Roman General who crucified her "PLease, have mercy on me!"
General "You want Mercy? Okaaaaay...Centurions, lower the cross...Mercy! Here boy! Good dog!"
"Wha...what are you doing?"
"You said you wanted Mercy on you. Mercy is the name of my Dobermann. Mercy, go ahead and oblige the lady. Mount her!"
 
Crucified Jesus says to the thieves. "Come all to me!"
“Yes, My Lord” says Dismas and he starts writhing, to come closer to Jesus.
But Gestas on the other hand, remains stubbornly rejecting the offer.
"OK, buddy, me good," says Jesus to Gestas, "but the photographer is there. So don’t complain afterwards that you’re not on the photo!!"
 
(this one is more than probably a classic, but curiously, I did not encounter it yet on the forum).

Jesus is dead and the onlookers want to take him down.
As they start their job, Jesus suddenly revives and shouts :
"Hey! What are you doing!? Stop that!"
"But we are taking you down, My Lord!"
"Then do it properly : detach first my feet and only then my wrists!"
 
Catholics can make humor with the secrets of religion. Calvinists never.
By all the freethinkers 18C in France no jokes read. These guys also were careful in front of the censure.
 
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