Wow! I did it. My first crucifixion. What an experienceand made all the more poignant because it came out of the blue and was quite unexpected.
I was standing looking out of the window staring at the cross in the garden and imaging it as a menacing giant with arms outstretched waiting to entice then engulf and devour anyone that fell under its spell. My reverie was interrupted by my husband who crept up behind me and put his arms round me. He nuzzled my neck and said, “It’s still there waiting for you. Let’s do it. Come on. Deep down you know it’s now or never.”
Previously I’d put off the day when I was to be hung on it because of the weather being too cold. On reflection I suspect that this was just an excuse. The real reason was that I was a little afraid of what the experience might hold for me. On this particular day there was a brief lull in the cold spell. The sky was partly overcast with outbreaks of sunshine.Though it wasn’t warm, it wasn’t cold either and the fact that there was no wind made the day seem warmer than it was actually. I had no excuse or reason to put it off any longer.
“Come on. Strip off and we’ll do it,” he urged. I nodded. Turning me round he kissed me and then disappeared to make the final preparations while I shed my clothes. When he returned he fixed cuffs to my wrists and ankles and attached snap hooks to the rings on the cuffs.
“Ready,” he asked. I rather hesitantly said,“Yes.” Wrapping a coat round my shoulders he took me by the hand and led me out into the garden. As we got closer to the cross it seemed to grow with menace and my stomach began to churn. I don’t think it was fear as such but there was certainly some feeling of trepidation stirring in my mind as we approached.
Ted – aka husband – had placed a chair at the foot of the upright and after I had shrugged the coat from my shoulders, helped me up onto it. He turned me round so that my back was against the wood and then climbed up beside me. Taking me in his arms he kissed me then raised my right arm and as I watched linked the wrist with the snap hook to a ring fixed to the crossbeam. This done he proceeded to do the same with my left arm. With both arms now fixed to the cross for the first time I began to appreciate that there was no turning back and that soon I was to find out what the experience of a crucifixion was going to be really like.
Standing on the chair and with my weight still supported I tentatively gave my arms a tug to discover that there wasn’t much free play. Meanwhile Ted had got down from the chair and was busy attaching a short chain to my ankle cuffs and with this done he lifted my legs to bend my knees and looped the chain over a hook on the upright. Once he let go I was firmly fixed to the cross. I hung there with the full weight of my body borne by my outstretched arms. At last it had been done. My apprehensions were stilled as I finally realised what was happening. This was it. I had been crucified.
He removed the chair and stood back to admire the view. “Bloody hell,” he exclaimed. “You look absolutely magnificent. Let me get a camera so don’t go away.”
The last bit was a trifle superfluous, but while he was gone it gave me a few moments to collect my thoughts and start to appreciate this totally new experience. I’d been suspended before during bondage sessions, by my arms, by my legs and even by my tits but this I soon realised felt entirely different. I can’t say if my feelings are typical of those who have suffered a crucifixion or not. I can only record how I felt.
By the time Ted returned I had tried to determine just how much movement I had. It turned out to be not a lot. I hung for a bit with my weight on my arms until the strain on my shoulders started to become uncomfortable. Raising myself more upright by straightening my body using the restraints on my legs I soon found that this didn’t help very much. It didn’t really relieve the ache in my shoulders and just caused a lot of tension in my legs. The longer I hung, the greater became the discomfort. At this stage I couldn’t call it pain as it was reasonably tolerable. However, it did cause me to constantly move about as I attempted to find that elusive position that was the most bearable. I suppose this was my first encounter with the crucifix dance.
Time lost all meaning as I retreated into my own world and writhed about trying to find a way to combat the growing discomfort in my shoulders and legs. I was dimly aware of Ted asking me if I’d had enough. I must have shaken my head to say that I was prepared to endure for longer because my torment continued. It wasn’t until I groaned out loud that he said, “That’s it. You’ve been there long enough. Time to come down.”
With the chair back in place at the foot of the cross, he raised my legs to release the chain and got me to stand on the chair. Climbing up beside me, he reached up to free my arms. For several moments I clung to him as I steadied myself. Eventually he helped me down and wrapped my coat round me.
On the way back to the house I asked him how long I’d been on the cross. Much to my surprise he informed me that it had been just a bit over fifteen minutes. It felt a whole lot longer but I suppose it was more than enough for a first time.
Later, relaxing in a hot bath with a glass or three of champagne to celebrate my first encounter with the monster called Crucifix and to ease the aches and pains from my body, I had a chance to mull over the experience. Yes, there were physical differences to the suspensions used in bondage situations. Strangely some of these can be quite comfortable and it’s very rare for any suspension to last as long as a crucifixion. There is nothing at all comfortable about a crucifixion I discovered, partly I think because of the prolonged strain on muscles and tendons that are rarely used. However, for me there was the mental side of it as well. Deep down and without any real conscious thought I was aware that I was joining the countless thousands of others who had gone before, many never to be taken down by a loving companion.
So, do I want to do it again? Of course I do. In a perverse sort of way it was enjoyable and there is so much more to explore in this fresh world of submission. I want to test my limits and experience new ways of becoming closely acquainted with Mr. Crucifix.
