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Girls With Swords!, For Erin

Go to CruxDreams.com
pt 3
 

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Vikings were, in reality, extremely successful traders. Here we see the young Irmgaard Thorvaldssen, about to slice an exotic watermelon for her husband, Bjorn Thorvaldssen, who just made an unfortunate comment about her hair. We are fortunate indeed to witness this passive-aggressive demonstration by the young woman, who not only will serve the watermelon, but in such a way as to demonstrate to Bjorn that his unsolicited commentary is unwelcome, and that other things also may be sliced by a sword. Following the eating of the watermelon, during which Bjorn will show complete disdain (traditionally the woman will brandish the sword and tap her foot impatiently on the ground), he will then take the sword out of her hand and beat her bottom with the flat, thus signalling his appreciation of her form and his own arousal. She will then take him to bed and ritually fuck the living Norse daylights out of him, which could last some time during the Solstice. Yes, the watermelon is truly a fascinating fruit.
 
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This is based on a real sword

The Zweihänder

The Zweihänder (German pronunciation: [t͡svaɪhɛndɐ] ( listen)) (German "two hander") also Doppelhänder ("double-hander") or Beidhänder ("both-hander")[1] is a large two-handed sword primarily in use during the early decades of the 16th century.

The Zweihänder swords developed from the bastard sword or montante of the Late Middle Ages and they became a hallmark weapon of the German Landsknechte from the time of Maximilian I (d. 1519) and during the Italian Wars of 1494–1559. The Goliath Fechtbuch (1510) shows an intermediate form between longsword and Zweihänder.

These swords represent the final stage in the trend of increasing size that started in the 14th century. In its developed form, the Zweihänder has acquired the characteristics of a polearm rather than a sword[vague]. Consequently, it is not carried in a sheath but across the shoulder like a halberd.

By the second half of the 16th century, these swords had largely ceased to have a practical application, but they continued to see ceremonial or representative use well into the 17th century. Some ceremonial zweihänder, called "bearing-swords" or "parade-swords" (Paradeschwert) were much larger and weighed about 10 pounds (4.5 kg).[2]
 

Vikings were, in reality, extremely successful traders. Here we see the young Irmgaard Thorvaldssen, about to slice an exotic watermelon for her husband, Bjorn Thorvaldssen, who just made an unfortunate comment about her hair. We are fortunate indeed to witness this passive-aggressive demonstration by the young woman, who not only will serve the watermelon, but in such a way as to demonstrate to Bjorn that his unsolicited commentary is unwelcome, and that other things also may be sliced by a sword. Following the eating of the watermelon, during which Bjorn will show complete disdain (traditionally the woman will brandish the sword and tap her foot impatiently on the ground), he will then take the sword out of her hand and beat her bottom with the flat, thus signalling his appreciation of her form and his own arousal. She will then take him to bed and ritually fuck the living Norse daylights out of him, which could last some time during the Solstice. Yes, the watermelon is truly a fascinating fruit.
actually, she wouldn't be called Thorvaldsen. Her husband is Bjorn, son of Thorvald. His father would have been called Thorvald Olafsen, or something like that. Vikings did not have family names. She would use her father's name followed by "dottir", i.e.: Irmgaard Svendottir. This naming tradition is still in use in Iceland.

Watermelons are native to sub-saharan Africa but were being cultivated in ancient Egypt. There were watermelon seeds in King Tut's tomb. The Moors brought them to Spain in the X century. Since the Vikings did trade with Muslim Spain, it's not impossible that they could have brought home some watermelons.

For the record, I think her hair looks fine.
 

Vikings were, in reality, extremely successful traders. Here we see the young Irmgaard Thorvaldssen, about to slice an exotic watermelon for her husband, Bjorn Thorvaldssen, who just made an unfortunate comment about her hair. We are fortunate indeed to witness this passive-aggressive demonstration by the young woman, who not only will serve the watermelon, but in such a way as to demonstrate to Bjorn that his unsolicited commentary is unwelcome, and that other things also may be sliced by a sword. Following the eating of the watermelon, during which Bjorn will show complete disdain (traditionally the woman will brandish the sword and tap her foot impatiently on the ground), he will then take the sword out of her hand and beat her bottom with the flat, thus signalling his appreciation of her form and his own arousal. She will then take him to bed and ritually fuck the living Norse daylights out of him, which could last some time during the Solstice. Yes, the watermelon is truly a fascinating fruit.
Irmgaard Þorvaldsdottir (in the non-sexist Icelandic style) is of course a Berserker,
'bare sark' (well, that suits her - male ones may have worn bear-skins rather than bare-skins,
the word's ambiguous - 'sark' is a shirt or petticoat, like Nancy's Cuttie Sark in Tam o'Shanter) -
she's liable to go just wild :devil:

She would use her father's name followed by "dottir"
Not in Viking times, or even as late as the Sagas - the men in the Sagas are named as,
e.g., Sven Þorvaldsson and suchlike, but the women never are, only described, e.g. hon er
Þorvalds dottir
 
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