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Jedakk: an announcement

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Eulalia

Poet Laureate
Staff member
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.
 
It was great to have Jedakk here, and I wish him swift recovery and best of luck in his future endeavours. His was a rare double talent, writing as well as computer-generated art, and the crux community will miss him, as well as be grateful to him for all the fish girls.

Thank you!
 
:(:(:( I cant say anything ..... It's so much unexpected and surprising !!!

Well, it seems that a page is turned over ...

But, could we support this so bad new ? !

We'll be obliged and , anyway, like he said, many people were disapearing from CF without we could know why ...

Thanks to him for having explained that .... and mainly, remember all his wonderful work that he did for us !!!

Au revoir, Jedakk ....... pas Adieu ! You'll always stay there and into our minds ...

flower3flower2flower1
 
:(:(:( I cant say anything ..... It's so much unexpected and surprising !!!

Well, it seems that a page is turned over ...

But, could we support this so bad new ? !

We'll be obliged and , anyway, like he said, many people were disapearing from CF without we could know why ...

Thanks to him for having explained that .... and mainly, remember all his wonderful work that he did for us !!!

Au revoir, Jedakk ....... pas Adieu ! You'll always stay there and into our minds ...

flower3flower2flower1
Oh Messa, so exact my feelings.

@jedakk , I can't somethings write now.

Best wishes for recovery and the way of life without us!
All ages have beautiful things. I'm sure, you find other for you.
Bye, farewell our friend!
 
It was great to have Jedakk here, and I wish him swift recovery and best of luck in his future endeavours. His was a rare double talent, writing as well as computer-generated art, and the crux community will miss him, as well as be grateful to him for all the fish girls.

Thank you!

"So long, and thanks for all the crux!", Marcius? Somehow I don’t think the late Douglas Adams would mind.

I’m just glad Jedakk isn’t "late." This is hard news, but not nearly as hard as news that he died or was paralyzed.
 
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.
I'm sorry to heard his hurting and glad he is geeting well now.
But I can understand his situation and cannot make me amazed as I feel similar situation few years ago almost sucide myself and was away from here.
Like him, I love the ppls - esp my frds in here than crux and cant totally over my obssession yet. But yes, I decided not to much active as a way to you guys slowly or lesser notice when I disappear (that may cause I free from my obsession or as a buddhist background, i accept the death can come anytime unconditionally my current belife is the freedom of religion closely to Christian).
Yes, actually love, obsession or our life are just "Anatessa" in Parli means "unpermanant" or "comes and goes(it like rapid moments in every smallest nucleus of us born and disappear in Dhamma)" .
Yes, in any belief of religions, it's a libration if we can free from any of our obsession and I really glad for his changing ...feel this reminder for myself and everyone of us too.
 
Although I don't know him,but I still want to say:
Farewell, each other, than forget themselves in the rivers and lakes.
I don't believe in God, but I hope God bless him.
On can almost envy you, with all this yet to be discovered. :)
http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/jedakks-masterpiece.4731/ and http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/resources/the-serpents-eye-by-jedakk.508/
http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/altered-states-new-story-by-jedakk.5650/ and http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/resources/altered-states-by-jedakk.515/
 
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.

First of all, I am relived to hear that you have made such a remarkable recovery! That was really good news! Thank's also for sharing this tradgedy with us, although there are some very interesting and positive experiences of the afterlife that you share with us.

I ofc respect your decision to stop with all activities on this forum, but I really must express a big THANK YOU! for all of your contributions. Don't be too hard on yourself!

It has for sure provided me with a lot of joy! I have also been obsessed with this strange obsession for more than 50 years. Not so much to do about it, it's inside me and not much I can to about it. I am also I think a very kind person and absolutley non-violent. We humans have both dark and light within in us, the important thing is that the 'good' within us is stronger. I am also convinced that what we call 'God or the Goddess' forgives us imperfect human beings.

Once more, thanks for everything and I wish you further recovery and a good life!!!
 
The Serpents Eye and Altered States are two of the few stories on this site which refuse to leave the front of my brain. Your contribution here was memorable.

Your recovery is also remarkable, stimulated, I'm sure, by your strong will and personality.

Being of a similar age, with a similar length of 'unorthodox' thoughts, and several attempts to 'go straight', I admit your idea of expunging everything has made me take stock. I wish you well in your future, as I'm sure the path of walking away may not be an easy one.
 
Many thanks to Jedakk for sending this message.
He is, and will continue to be, a great inspiration to us.

I am deeply sorry to hear that he has suffered so much, but I am overjoyed that he is making this miraculous recovery.
We will miss him, but the wonderful legacy of his talents will always be treasured here.

Dear Jedakk, thank you for your remarkable insights and contributions.
You earned our respect a long time ago.
You will always be valued and appreciated by us.
 
I am saddened by this news. Still, I’m glad that he spent so much time and dedication to bring us such a well made and carefully crafted series of renders. Odds are he won’t read these messages, so I guess I’m glad that I did show my appreciation when he was here.
 
Jedakk has left a huge mark on the Crux Community; it sounds a bit counter-intuitive to say this, but the moral compass which guided his life, and which has led to his absolutely correct decision to step back was very clear through all his activities and postings here. Yes, he created and posted some of the most amazing images of crucified women ever seen (and one, Sabina, in particular), but he did not compromise his values by doing so.

I am proud to have been associated with him, if only virtually, and I am better for having known him.

Jedakk, thank you.
 
I sometimes wonder, whether there will be a day, I will decide to quit crux? Shall I delete everything I have, then, stories, pictures, my own works, to be sure the bridges are burned behind me? Or shall I pass away, suddenly vanishing from CF, but leaving all 'the evidence' behind? Would I bother that some will get an insight in my dark fantasies, when I am gone?

We shall remember Jeddak's great works and contributions to this forum. Jeddak has made his decision and he did the things he personally found appropriate to do.

I hope he recovers well from his accident, and enjoys the things he likes.
 
Damn, this is terrible...

Jedakk had been a great inspiration to me, but all I hope now is that he can fully recover and live a peaceful life, now.
Crux times were fun, but I totally understand him when he said it's time to do something else.

I just wish him an happy and peaceful new life, now.

See you in the other world, old friend!
 
I think I can only echo what others have already said regarding the contribution in both imagery and story that you have given us. It has been inspiring to so many of us artistically, and in the exploration and expression of the many facets of crux fantasy. I do hope you don't regret this part of your life - your work here is so much appreciated.

Going forward, there are many reasons for retiring from a field of interest or work. It is great to hear that you have made such a successful recovery from a terrible injury, and certainly these experiences often lead to a re-evaluation of priorities and directions. I wish you all the very best as you find your new avenues of expression and hope you find them as stimulating and compelling as your work here demonstrated.

You will be missed, but also remembered. Best wishes.
 
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.
Please pass to him my admiration for his knowledge and excellence as writer and artist, and for sharing that with us.
And for his final message.
"Nothing in crux life became him like the leaving of it."
 
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