Limericks

[Wragg]

The correct way to utter your Z
Is dependent on where you were bred
In the Land of the Free
They say it as 'zee'
In Blighty we'd rather say 'zed'

It's a sign of our breeding, you see
To say 'zed' and not to say 'zee'
The Germans say 'tset'
The French also 'zed'
Outnumbering one with the three!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Reminds me of Dean Hawkins

 

[Barbaria1]

View attachment 677929
Reminds me of Dean Hawkins

I hope they all read the fine print on their employment contracts

 

[Naraku]

View attachment 677840

Some would say that this poesy is lack
Because they pronounce it Ee-rack
But, if you say Ir-rock
Then the rhyme is a lock
And you can tell them all "Lick my sack".

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

I had to share the deep and sad frustration of my life!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

And one for the masochistic males out there

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

There was an old maid of Fife
Who had never been kissed in her life
So she saw a large Cat
And she said, "I'll kiss that"
But the Cat said, "Not on your Life!"

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Got to respect a female entrepreneur who knows how to expand her sales.

 

[worthless fem]

A lady whose name was Jan Hunt
Was cursed with a gynormous cunt;
It meant that the men
Again and again
Thrust as hard as a train on a shunt!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

A limerick in honor(?) of Old Slave

From England there was an Old Bloke
Who picked up a Girl for a Poke
He pulled down her Pants
Fucked her into a Trance
Then shit in her show as a Joke.

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Even Limericks are infested by Brexit

 

[worthless fem]

A bitter Remoaner
(who liked the Old Groaner)
was vexed that she'd lost
and (her face full of frost)
decided to find a new Owner!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[cruxlover]

There's a North Forest girl, named Eulalia
Her prose is never a failure
If she die on the Cross
It would be our great loss
But the thought it does greatly excite her

There's a drunken old codger named Tree
To be sober he never may be
To drink rye he much do aspire
Till it looks like he soon will expire
But he still makes young girls Crucifee

 

[cruxlover]

Now for an old style Limerick:-
When thatte Seynt George hadde slain ye Dragon,
He sate him downe forninst a flagon;
And wit ye wel
It soone befel
He had a bien pleasaunt jag on.

This one, note that Beauchamp is pronounced Beacham:-
Said a bad little youngster named Beauchamp:
“Those jelly-tarts how shall I reauchamp?
To my parents I’d go,
But they always say ‘No,’
No matter how much I beseauchamp.”

This old saw relates to Cambridge:-
There was a young fellow from Kings
Whose mind was on heavenly things
His peak of desire
Was a boy in the choir
With an arse like a jelly on springs

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

A limerick with egg on its face

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]