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What Louis-Ferdinand Céline has to do here ? ... and what is "..." ?
His style of writing, perhaps some text on the Net, otherwise library.

Louis-Ferdinand Céline
"C'est en 1936, dans Mort à crédit, mettant en scène l'enfance de Ferdinand Bardamu, alter ego littéraire de Céline, que son style se fait plus radical, notamment par l'utilisation de phrases courtes, très souvent exclamatives, séparées par trois points de suspension."
 
PART XIII continuation

My cross is ready and the assistants lift it from the ground in order to get it closer to the hole where it will be planted.

I look from left to right, self-conscious and ashamed, while the cross bearers look at me. What an awkward situation!

On the left an attractive and almost naked woman, holding the left arm of my cross, smiles at me; I smile back sheepishly and feeling stupid.

The movement awakens sharp an intense pain in my wrists and feet and I cry out loud.

-We’ll get you up in a moment, don’t worry! - The man holding the cross at my right side tells me.

-Tha..ank…thank you…- I stutter, feeling even more stupid, but how are you supposed to answer that kind of niceties from the people who is killing you?

…And killing you, somehow, at your own request?

In a moment, they reach the remaining hole in the line of crosses and without any further word they get ready, tilt the cross up and begin to erect it rapidly.

And me with it, of course!

My sensation is that I am going to be thrown away as the cross is raised to the vertical, but the pain in my wrists and feet reminds me that my body is securely attached to the wood…forever!

The cross reaches the vertical and falls to the bottom of the hole with a jolt. Suddenly, my wrists take the whole weight of my body.


Like the rest, I have been trying to prepare myself for this, and have pushed down on the nail that pierces my feet, but nevertheless the explosion of pain is incredible!

I probably lose my conscience during some instants. I am distantly aware of the hammering of wedges at the base of the cross in order to get it fixed in position.

It is done. The wood of crosses it is now completed with every tree of death bearing its own naked and dying fruit.

With my eyes closed shut, I dreamily think that I won’t be able to bear the torment. Not even for the first half an hour. Breathing takes a huge effort and when I try to twist and look for a better position, the sharp and deep pain racks my whole body.

How could I have been excited by this awful torture? How could I have been looking forward to suffer this hell? - I wonder in shock - I was stupid and crazy, I want to escape this terrible pain; now! No matter what!

I feel my sex hanging totally limp between my thighs.

Among the confusion, the pain and the shock I realized that now there is complete silence around us.


I open my eyes and I see the audience, every one of them, looking at us expectantly. All the previous activity stopped.

Many of the guest are looking directly at me.

And the Headmistress is in front of my cross looking also at me with a certain degree of anxiety in her beautiful eyes.

Hanging from my wrists I look at their faces. During the first moments I don’t understand the situation. I am in a great deal of shock and confusion.

Even some of my crucifixion-mates are looking at me. Barb and Eulalia have their eyes on me.

I am shocked to see myself with the big nails protruding from my wrists and feet. Stretched naked and exposed on the cross. It surprises me that there isn’t much bleeding.

It is hard to believe that it’s me Carlos. That I am, at last, crucified for real!

I look again at the people observing in silence the scene. And then, I think I understand.

It’s the first time they see real persons crucified. Suddenly, the fantasies had become quite real!

I see pity in some faces, pure sadism in a few, shock in many, most look excited.

But the dominant feeling is expectation. Everybody seems to be waiting for my reaction.

Probably because mine has been the last cross being erected and mainly because the Headmistress herself looks anxious about my reaction.

The main reason, the strong bond that, without planning it, linked us from the moment we met yesterday.

So, it looks like it has fallen upon me to make an important choice; a choice that may decide how we are going to live our death; all of us, both condemned and audience.
 
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Because if I, all of us really, start crying and begging to be taken down…they won’t do it; But still this event, the whole scheme, will be a total failure.

It will become no more than a bloody execution; the gross and sad slaughtering of a bunch of crazy masochist perverts.

Some of the guests, the most sadistic ones, would still enjoy it a great deal.

But the crucifixions would be totally deprived of the eroticism and the intense sexual charge that has been present from the beginning.

This occasion won’t be what the Headmistress, and somehow, we the condemned had dreamed of.

I try to calm myself a little, breath and I get some of my composure back.

I feel the warm breeze on my skin. The view of the desert from the height of my cross seems infinite with sea hinted at the horizon.

The pain, no doubt due to the drug, lessens a little and become more bearable.

I also feel the roughness of the wood scratching my buttocks. My cross’s wood!

I see the audience observing us. We are their sexual object now. We belong to them.

I perceive the eroticism of the situation and I gradually feel my own arousal returning, my cock stirring. My mind and my body are reacting to my own execution, to the lust in the eyes of the public and mainly to the drugs, surely.

I remember the tituli nailed over my head.



CARLOSCRUZ

PERVERT

MASOCHIST

EXHIBITIONIST​
 
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And all that is true, and signed by me. So, I gather the rests of my courage and try to fight my panic.

It is all right. It is not such a big deal. I tell myself.

Hundreds of men and women, much better than me, had died in the cross along the centuries.

I look left and right to the men and women nailed with me.

I feel lucky and honored of being executed in such a company.

I watch the naked bodies of Barbaria, Eulalia and Messa close to me. Further to the sides Judith, Gabriella, Fat Slave Girl, Roberta, Kathy…

They look incredibly sexy crucified and I feel my arousal still growing.

I wish I could kiss their cunts…Even the stiff cocks of my brothers in crucifixion increase my own erection!

The Headmistress notices it and a hint of a smile appears on her face.

Martha’s words after our whipping, also come back to my mind:



“Among the guests there are a few uncurable psychotic sadists. But most of them share our kink, and have come to watch our crucifixion, just to envy us for it! Let’s make a deal! Let’s make them jealous as hell when we get crucified! Let’s all stick together for that, and let us not be played apart! Let’s keep our dignity! That, and our common fate, is all we got left now!”


She was right. Since we are going to die it’s worth to try and do it as we had dreamed and giving pleasure at the same time. It hurts a lot, but still I get excited by the fact that I am being executed for the sexual pleasure of others. I am naked, exposed, humiliated…but the I like the fact that also I am a sexual object. I see lust in many eyes, my cock is rock hard again…

The Headmistress is still looking at me, now with an expression of relief.

The pain is still huge, and I know it’s just the beginning. But I now think that everything it’s all right. This is where I should be.
And she is counting on me.

So, I do my best to submit to my cross, to wish it will kill me slowly. I want my cross to torture me for a long time, to punish me as I deserve, for a life of perversion.

Now I am ready to accept the suffering and to offer my pain to the audience, for their pleasure, as their sexual object.

-Well Carlos. You are now crucified and I am at the base of your cross…As you requested yesterday. – The Headmistress speaks at last. – Any regrets?

I am now determined to maintain my composure, I push with my feet gritting my teeth, for the first of many times to come. I raise myself on the cross, breath deep and start speaking haltingly, but with a firm voice, I say:

-Mistress, it pleases you to see me in my cross?


-Greatly! You look very good nailed naked! -She answers with intensity.

-Then, here it is where I want to be. Thank you for putting me in my place. This is what I deserve, this is what I want. I have no regrets.

I desire to suffer for my sins and for your pleasure.

The Headmistress smiles broadly now, the audience cheers and many of my fellow crucified look at me approvingly. I have just voiced their own feelings and confirmed their pride as crucificands…as Martha said, that is all we have left until tomorrow, when we will be thrown all together into our grave.
 
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I like the way you've focused on your thoughts and feelings, Carlos,
the physical details - the pain and arousal - are there but treated lightly,
we can imagine ourselves into the situation - especially those of us who
are hanging there alongside you - feeling the heat, the hardness of the wood
against our bodies, the pain and strain in our arms, the eyes of the crowd -
yet still driven on by the urge to experience and come to terms with
this monster of cruelty - the cross!
 
I like the way you've focused on your thoughts and feelings, Carlos,
the physical details - the pain and arousal - are there but treated lightly,
we can imagine ourselves into the situation - especially those of us who
are hanging there alongside you - feeling the heat, the hardness of the wood
against our bodies, the pain and strain in our arms, the eyes of the crowd -
yet still driven on by the urge to experience and come to terms with
this monster of cruelty - the cross!
Thanks a lot Eulalia.
It is an honour do be crucified alongside such a ladies!
 
There is no need to say, death by crucifixion is the worst of all!

Despite the drugs that I swallowed, the pain is constant, stabbing!
No position is comfortable and the search for this possible comfort makes me perform a gruesome dance that only awakens new suffering to each of my movements.
I feel little by little the muscles of my arms and legs sticking and being cramped.
My heart tends to race and my breathing becomes more difficult, it's a bit as if the air refused to reach my lungs.
And to say that my agony is just beginning under the blazing sun that burns my skin and crushes me with its murderous rays.

Moreover, my thirst is infinite!
I feel dehydrated stronger every minute that passes.
I want to scream, to beg, but all the words I could say seem to be stuck in the back of my throat and refuse to go out.

It's weird, my mouth is dry like the desert and despite everything, I just pissed abundantly under the boos of the public!

The birds of prey that turn over our heads have felt the blood and death and are waiting their time to get closer and start a king's feast.
The insects, they have not waited and pose without fear on our bodies that do not know how to chase them anymore and are forced to undergo them.

Although surrounded by sublime creatures that are the primary cause of my permanent erection, I feel alone in the world!
Alone in my thoughts and my pains!
And yet, this death, this frightful torture, it is me who chose it!
It was on my own and without being forced that I decided to address the cruelest of my fantasies!
This cross that is forever an integral part of me, I wanted it, desired it and now I suffer it and it is killing me.

I look to my right and see Kathy who, too, does not stop dancing on her cross!
I suppose her pains are the same as mine, but just like me, she must be happy to be here and die slowly and cruelly in the way she chose.
The more I look at her and the more beautiful I find her naked body marked by the thongs of the whip is still resplendent and always excites me as much.

On the other side, Monica, she chose the cross only to not die stupidly overwhelmed by a heart attack.
The choice of my nymphomaniac woman was surely influenced by the desire to feel carried away by orgasms she is convinced to experience before giving up the soul!
Her dance is certainly more sexual than painful!

Then Nicole, the last coming, probably the worst masochist that exists in this world and for whom death on the cross is the summit of all the suffering she may have to endure.
Her pains are the cause of these pleasures and no orgasm could make her happier than those provoked by this demonic torture.

I imagine that all my companions of the cross must be like me lost in their thoughts.
All must certainly see in their heads every moment of their lives!
Good, bad!
The movie of their existence must scroll constantly, perhaps bringing them remorse or regret.

In any case, there is no way out!
Our future is traced, our only destiny is our death.
 
My agony has really started and my pains, despite the drugs, will accompany me to the end.

This suffering is constant and I try to find the position that would alleviate a little, I can not find it!
If I pull on my arms, my wrists quickly remind me that they are pierced by an iron tip and communicate it to me immediately by sending me painful waves all over my body.
I feel the same if I push on my feet but I do not stop dancing on my cross!
I arch and fall directly against the raw wood that rips my back.

I think back to my club evenings when I learned to suffer, when I enjoyed exceeding the threshold of pain at certain times, to cross the course of my suffering which was then transformed into orgasms!
I realize now that it was only a joke compared to what I endure as bad now.

Thinking about it, I feel my boobs harden and my pussy dripping!
I try to rub my thighs against each other, to move my intimate lips against my clitoris!
I focus on the muscles of my vagina that seemed to enjoy the cocks that penetrated me and filled my cock with their cum!
A beneficial heat begins to invade me, cross me from my feet to my head, I purr, I feel that I will enjoy!
It's good, I'm leaving!
I let myself go, I will soon reach the point of no return, this point from which I am no longer myself but a sex animal who lives only for her enjoyment.
A delirious orgasm reaches me, I scream my pleasure!
I enjoy!
My orgasm extends for a moment and I wish it lasts a very long time!
I open my eyes and see that down at my feet people are watching my pleasure and start to masturbate!
This restarts my orgasm, the feeling of humiliation provoked by my exhibition makes me wet even stronger!
It is ecstasy, total enjoyment.

The storm in me calming down little by little, I come back, if I may say, feet on the ground and let me hang on my cross.

Piraland, who has not missed the show I just gave and shows me a monstrous erection simply asks me:

- It was good ?
You were beautiful!

And I answer him smiling:

- It was divine!
I hope this is not the last time this happens!

I am leaving now in my suffering and resume my dance of the cross, my dance of death.
 
The pain is nagging, but quite bearable, it's probably due to these pills that I swallowed!

Although I love suffering, I still prefer it not to be too strong and prevent me from enjoying the torment that awaits me.
These pills have indeed an action on my libido, I have a permanent desire to enjoy .

I really love to be exposed naked and nailed to my cross and show all my intimacy to anyone who wants to contemplate it, touch me, play with my bait.
People's looks at my pussy and my breasts electrify me and make me wet in an incredible way.
The combination of my masochism and my exhibitionism means that my desires for death and orgasms are at their peak.

Except when the nails penetrated my flesh and my cross fell back into its anchorage hole, I did not scream but now I would scream well, I would gladly beg for being flogged again, to be torn from my belly to my breasts, to have my sex whipped .
I am sure that, feeling my blood flowing between my legs, I would pass from one orgasm to another, that they would multiply infinitely until my death.

Before, when I was tortured, the only thing I feared was to keep physical damage!
Now that I know that I am going to die, that I have chosen to realize my greatest fantasy, I fear nothing.

Birgitt and Bjorn are there, very close to me and I ask them to brutally stroke my body with the straps of their whips and not spare their strength!
To make me pass the course of pain so that I can access at the total enjoyment!

They look at each other, think I'm crazy to ask for more suffering but after a short moment of hesitation execute my request.

Directly the blows reach me causing burns by tearing the skin of my belly and my breasts whose tips burst.
My pussy flows and when my lips and clitoris are affected, I scream my pain and feel carried by repeated orgasms!
I got to the point I wanted to reach!

My sex now squirts my cum watering my two torturers as excited as me!

Bjorn then lies on his back and Birgitt comes directly impaled on his hard and erect cock!
She then starts a frenzied ride while continuing to whip my pussy!
The three of us reach orgasm together.

I don't know which one of the three of us enjoyed the most but I know my orgasm was insane.

From the top of my cross, I dominate the world and I have no regrets, I will die in suffering and know that many orgasms will lead me to agonize in pleasure.
 
PART XIV

-I knew I could trust you Carlos. I will be back soon and give you what I promised. - Said the Headmistress walking away from Carlos’ cross.

She starts walking along the line of crosses looking at each one of the condemned, speaking to some of them; all the cameras closely following her.
She looks gorgeous and incredibly sexy, again in black: seamless pantyhose, heels and short jacket.
As she walks she touches every sex, both pussies and cocks.
She begins with Patrizio who still complains but nevertheless, thanks her when she squeezes his cock.
-I am proud of you. As I said before several times, you deserve the execution.- She declares addressing the occupants of the crosses, but getting everybody’s attention.
She now caresses Martha’s labia and her husband’s cock getting moans from both of them.
-You are hopeless deviants, dikes, whores, masochist or lesbians!
She continues pressing now with her hand Judith’s and Messa’s cunts.
She slaps Carlo’s cock as she walks by him.
-As I said, I will come back to you Carlos.
At the base of Barb´s now, the Headmistress touches the American´s trimmed bush with her finger’s tips while looking up at her.
-Barb you know? That ponytail really suits you! You look lovely crucified!- She tells her smiling.
Next she reaches Eulalia’s cross and strokes lightly her sex while speaking to her:
-And your choice of the crossbeam fixed at the back of the stipe, really enhances your breast dear Eulalia. You are dying well too!
And you Wikk, being at last crucified, offered in sacrifice to beautiful women and by beautiful women – she tells him while stroking his penis and smiling to Marlén who nods back in response.
Having reached the middle of the semi-circle of crosses she slowly continues her tour, always getting the full attention of the audience, the cameras and the people nailed on the crosses.
-And you Gabriella- she tells the Italian blonde touching her shaved sex- you are crucified as a whore, because you chose to give the ultimate pleasure to men offering yourself naked on the cross. Bravo cara!
You all are going out in style. You are giving a lot of pleasure with your suffering. Right now, at this moment,to us present here and in the future to all the people that will watch the movie of your mass crucifixion.
She keeps walking while grabbing Nudeboy’s prick first and stroking FatSlaveGirl’s hairy cunt later.
-You Nudeboy, FSG and Roberta – the Headmistress is now sliding a couple of fingers along Roberta’s slit – were meant to die next to each other’s, I am sure. Good choice!
She is reaching Kathy now and touching her neatly trimmed pubic hair.
-And what you both did took a lot of guts Kathy and Pyraland, freely embracing your crosses. – She touches now Pyra’s erection -You really look good crucified and this is the perfect end for such a couple of incorrigible deviants like you!
And you also induced with your vicious behavior the end of Monica – she is now passing in front of her and stroking her labia – and Nicole, our last crucificand…for now – she ends her route pressing with her hand Nicole’s sex.
-You are making an unique occasion of your death. You are making it count. - she ends her inspired speech - Thank you!
Walking now back to the center of the line of crosses, she turns her head addressing her husband Pete, who is walking close behind her.
-Pete darling prepare everything. I have made up my mind - she said in a lower voice.
-Are you totally sure Honey? – He answers.
-Yes! I am positive. And you told me you will help me if this moment arrived. You know this was always a possibility; we have discussed it…
-Yes, I know, but still...
-This is a unique occasion Pete. And I know you will enjoy a lot first preparing me and them watching me. – She tells him with a mischievous smile.
-Yes, I have to admit that, but I will miss you so much!
-Yes, I know darling, but we can’t have everything, Can’t we?
By that time, she had reached a central position in front of the crucified and in in a loud and firm voice declares:
-Listen to me! I have decided to join you in crucifixion! Pete, my husband, will be my executioner. I condemned you to death and I am responsible for your executions.
So I consider it is only fair for me to share your destiny and your grave.
I will remain in charge. I will continue leading and giving the orders from my cross…as long as I can. Then, Pete will take command and finish with our executions and burial.
And I won’t authorize any more crucifixions. 18 people dying are enough…and besides there are no more crossesleft! – She finishes with lovely smile.

A loud murmur of incredulity and surprise rises from the guest and the condemned alike.
-And now Carlos, before Pete nails me, I will give you the blow job I promised! – She continues walking purposely towards the Spaniard’s cross.
 
PART XIV b

From my cross I had followed the Headmistress route along the crosses. Each one of us has received a moment of attention and had our sex touched by her hand.
At the end she said that she is going to join us in crucifixion! The Headmistress crucified with us! I can’t believe it!
I am not the only surprised. It looks like nobody anticipated this outcome. Only her husband Pete acts as if he was aware of this possibility. He in fact has immediately started to give instructions and gathered one of the teams of assistants.
The remaining cross is already being prepared and a hole excavated with an specific tool. It seems he even had a tituli prepared in advance.
She is now walking towards me looking into my eyes; her mischievous smile still on her lips. Her breast hanging seductively in her open jacket, her shapely legs striding elegantly, her pussy lips…
-Yes Carlos I will join the company-she answers my muted question- See!
And saying this, she gets a fistful of pills from her jacket and ostensibly swallows all.
-You see? No matter what, now I will never leave this place. – she says when reaching my cross.- No way out for me now- A shadow of sadness crosses her eyes, but she immediately recovers and orders:
-Bring me something to step on!
An empty box of nails is produced and placed upturned at the base of my stipe. She climbs on top and her mouth is now in front of my engorged cock and without wasting time she gives me an incredible lick all the way from the base, up to the tip.
But I am still deep in amazement and interrupt her delicious task.
-But why? - I ask her.
-She stops with her lips almost touching my erect sex and looks up at me.
-Because of the same reasons that got you nailed up there Carlos…- I had been excited by crucifixion since I can remember. I knew I wanted to see a crucifixion, I was sure I wanted to crucify people. It was practically an obsession for me. - She still had everybody’s attention, everybody fascinated by her words. Nobody was talking. No activity was taken place with the only exception of the preparations for her crucifixion.
-To my surprise I have been able to make my fantasies real and I have been the driving force behind all this- she continues pointing at the line of crosses and the public.
-A success well beyond my expectations!
Pete, my loved Pete, has always shared my kink. But he knows he wanted to crucify and watch people crucified, he never felt the temptation of ending up in a cross.
Me, on the contrary, I was never totally sure about how I wanted to end this event. The idea of being crucified also excited me greatly.
If we reached this point, should I stay on the ground or end up in a cross?
My husband and me discussed all this and made plans also for this possible outcome.
And I have made up my mind; it won’t be any chance like this to live my death as I had fantasized many times.- she continued after a short pause - …And like all of you I am very frightened too… – she said now in a whisper that I only could hear.
-And as I said: I am responsible for your death. – She continues now in a voice everybody can hear- 17 men and women are being executed because I planned it that way. That tipped the balance for me, and, out of fairness, I feel I should join you and be crucified with you.
Saying this she takes my penis in her mouth and begins licking, kissing and biting it.
I am soon moaning my pleasure while she continues with incredible skill her task. In a couple of minutes I empty myself into her mouth while screaming my pleasureloudly.
She swallows everything and kissing my cock for the last time, looks up at me.
-I would be pleased if my naked and nailed body helps you to maintain this cock up and hard.
-You may count on that milady! - I answer.
-Good! - She continues -It was a really pleasure to meet you caballero and fellow pilot, but now I have an appointment with my cross. - She says turning away walking towards the waiting wood –It doesn’t look like we will ever take off again captain… -she ads as a sort of afterthought.
From that moment, everything happens very fast.
She reaches her cross, It is positioned in the center of the almost semicircle formed by the others and when erected will be facing them.
She quickly removes her clothing but for her jacket. She opens it wide freeing her breasts and lies on top of the cross.
Pete makes a move to tie her to the wood but she denies shaking her head.
-No need for that. I won’t move. Go ahead Love, I am ready. – She declares when in place.
Pete with the hammer in hand places the first nail’s tip on her left wrist. Still doubtful he looks at his wife’s eyes.
-Go ahead Pete, it’s what I want. And remember I had the pills. My destiny it’s sealed anyway. So I want you to enjoy yourself as much as you can.
Nodding he raises the hammer and delivers the first blow. The nail travels all the way through her wrist and into the wood. She arches her body and moans her pain but manages to stay in position. She knows that all the eyes are on her.
He continues with his task quickly and efficiently. Very soon both her wrists are fixed to the wood and she somehow feels relieved.
Pete looks at her wife lying on top of the wood, nailed to it by her wrists.
Her tits going up and down with her breath, she manages to get hold of herself and smiles to him.
-Love this is our last and only chance of making true those dirty fantasies that has excited us for so long. Don’t you think?
-Absolutely Darling! - He answers while getting rid of his pants and lying on top of his crucified woman.
She groans both from pleasure and pain when his weight squashes her body against her cross and his manhood acts as her fourth nail, entering her deep.
They mate with love, intensity and passion and after a few minutes of moaning and humping, they reach together an intense peak of pleasure. After he gets his breath back, Pete gets up and pick up from the ground his hammer and the last long nail.
Without having to be told, she flexes her well-shaped legs and puts her feet in place, one on top of the other.
Pete sets the nail in position and leaning on it pushes until both feet are pierced together, while she grunts her terrible pain.
Immediately he finishes his task with a few hits of the hammer.
I am following the process from my cross with total attention; the mesmerizing spectacle almost making me forget that I am, myself, being executed.
Pete finishes his wife’s execution by nailing over her head her titulum, prepared just in case.
It says:
Christina
Headmistress
of the Company
of the Crucificands
So her name is Christina! I like it,,,
Without delay, the assistants take their places, the ropes are prepared and the cross is raised with the beautiful body of the Headmistress nailed to it,
Her cross is secured in place and she opens her eyes.
We all can see waves of fear, pain and sexual arousal on them; And pride too.
-Thanks a lot Pete. A flawless crucifixion Dear!
She looks gorgeous crucified and even dying, she retains a clear air of authority. I find her even more desirable now!
And now the mass crucifixion it’s completed.
I am in terrible pain and at the same time, experiencing an incredible sexual arousal.
I take a look at the rest of the brothers and sisters crucified with me.
It is hard to believe that just 30 hours ago, I knew none of them and I was a free man driving to my appointment with the woman that is now crucified with us!
 
Even with the suppressing and exciting effect of the pills, it is still a tremendous experience, is a continuous physical effort. I can just imagine how grueling and unbearable it must be without. I bet there would be little left of erotics and excitement!

That man Piraland has really invented the ultimate suicide pill! An exciting and pain killing way to go to the end! Most unfortunate, social morality would forbid it!

I imagine, suppose I would be hanging to this cross, by my hands, using grips, and standing on a narrow piece of metal. How long would it take, before my body weight would tire me and make me lose my grip? Not long, I presume! I would pull my arms, (over)stretch them, and finally, give way. Point is, I just feel the same pull on me, and it is like fighting against falling down, apart from the fact that I cannot fall, since I got nailed to the wood!

I cannot fall, but I am hanging to my weight, and I have not grip at all! Instead, there is the gnawing of the nails, inserted between – imagine : between! – my wrist and ankle bones. These bones fell as if they will be ripped apart, and there is nothing I can do about it, since I have no grip or foot support at all! So, instinctively, I try to pull up myself, working on my arm and leg muscles. But nothing can stop neither the gnawing nor the pulling down!

Despite all this torment, the maddest thoughts and feelings run to my head.
Being really crucified, in public, like a Roman criminal! It is hard to imagine! Being watched at by these greedy onlookers! Nothing to hide, hanging powerless to a cross! Painful, humiliating and exciting! And scary!

Yet, nothing seems to beat Martha’s joy!
“Exciting workout, isn’t it!? I should recommend this to all my friends!” she shouts.

Probably, my answer to that question did not sound enthusiastic enough, since she continued :
“You clearly don’t have enough exercise, Lox! This will be good for your condition!” (I her irony! Really!) “I used to do a ten miles run! Every week! Keeps me sharp, and fit and alert in my job!”.

Yet, no matter how she is pretending enthusiasm, I see her struggling! I can see it, on her facial expression! She writhes up and down, moving continuously, deeply breathing, just as I am doing! It is her character, I guess, to conceal her discomfort behind appearances. Of course, she is right, she looks more athletic than me!

“Look! She says! This row of crucificands! Incredible, isn’t it!? And you and me are part of it! Look! I told you! Those on the ground envy us!”
She is right! The curved line of crosses, carrying real, live, naked nailed people, as in a Roman mass crucifixion, is a stunning and exciting view! Knowing myself, I would envy them, if I would have been an onlooker! I would have wondered intensely what would go through their head, what they would feel and experience! I would have the desire to be one of them! And now, here it is! Me, crucified for real!

“There comes the Headmistress!” Martha says! “What is she up to with us now?”

The Headmistress walks along the line of crosses, closely followed by all the cameras. She addresses the condemned :
“I am proud of you. As I said before several times, you all deserve the execution!”

She walks to the end of the line, to Patrizio’s cross. Patrizio complains again about his denied request to be released. The Headmistress squeezes his cock! He thanks her.

Then she addresses Martha, while touching her pussy.
“Well, Martha, no regrets from your switch, I presume!?”
“No regrets!” she replies, enjoying the Headmistress’ teasing.
“Not easy, isn’t it, running a life along the borderline of dominance and submission, of being a ruler and a renegade!?”
“Comes the day, you topple, or, in my case, others make you topple to one side! It was lost anyway, home, so, why not the fate of a renegade!?”

Then it is my turn.
She stops in front of me, grabs my cock!
“Enjoying it, Loxuru!? The fate of a hopeless deviant!? Glad you realized last night that staying here and submit to what you deserved, was the best choice for everyone!”
She grabs my balls, in a way that it both hurts and excites!
“You should be grateful to us, that we finished you by that weird fantasy of you! And you even met a lovely wife, too!”
“Thank you, Headmistress!” I say, moaning.
“That’s what I want to hear you say, Loxuru! Carry on, give the people here a good show, don’t disappoint them, that’s the only thing you still are useful for, and make it the best for yourself!”

She goes on to Judith, then Messaline, then further along the whole line, giving attention to each of the condemned.
But then, unexpectedly, she surprises us completely with an announcement to all of us!

“Listen to me! I have decided to join you in crucifixion! Pete, my husband, will be my executioner. I condemned you to death and I am responsible for your executions. So I consider it is only fair for me to share your destiny and your grave. I will remain in charge. I will continue leading and giving the orders from my cross…as long as I can. Then, Pete will take command and finish with our executions and burial. And I won’t authorize any more crucifixions. 18 people dying are enough…and besides there are no more crosses left!”

Her announcement overwhelms me completely! If I had not been nailed so firmly, it would have made me fall from my cross!
 
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