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Mythology Of Adam And Eve

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I now have this vision of Tree blundering into the Garden of Eden,
sent by God to crucify Eve (start as you mean to carry on! :p)
He was supposed to get her to eat the fruit of the Tree of Life,
so she could keep being crucified ad infinitum,
but after a few Seagrams and a puff of a herb that Adam had whimsically named 'Madam Wu',
Eve swore she'd been told by this serpent guy to eat from the Tree of Knowledge,
and then got into this argument with Tree and Adam about whether she could be crucified wearing a fig-leaf,
and Bull and Gunner held a union meeting to protest not having any nails
(because Tubal Cain the blacksmith hadn't been begotten yet),
and God said 'Sod this for a fucked up creation' and expelled them all from the garden. :devil:
 
Eulalia said:
I now have this vision of Tree blundering into the Garden of Eden,
sent by God to crucify Eve (start as you mean to carry on! :p)
He was supposed to get her to eat the fruit of the Tree of Life,
so she could keep being crucified ad infinitum,
but after a few Seagrams and a puff of a herb that Adam had whimsically named 'Madam Wu',
Eve swore she'd been told by this serpent guy to eat from the Tree of Knowledge,
and then got into this argument with Tree and Adam about whether she could be crucified wearing a fig-leaf,
and Bull and Gunner held a union meeting to protest not having any nails
(because Tubal Cain the blacksmith hadn't been begotten yet),
and God said 'Sod this for a fucked up creation' and expelled them all from the garden. :devil:
Click to expand...

e128065c0e1379c8c4ae8c6a1aa5489b.jpg You know ... I think that's the way it actually happened ... and to think they have been keeping the truth from us for all those millennia!!!!
 
Eulalia said:
I now have this vision of Tree blundering into the Garden of Eden,
sent by God to crucify Eve (start as you mean to carry on! :p)
He was supposed to get her to eat the fruit of the Tree of Life,
so she could keep being crucified ad infinitum,
but after a few Seagrams and a puff of a herb that Adam had whimsically named 'Madam Wu',
Eve swore she'd been told by this serpent guy to eat from the Tree of Knowledge,
and then got into this argument with Tree and Adam about whether she could be crucified wearing a fig-leaf,
and Bull and Gunner held a union meeting to protest not having any nails
(because Tubal Cain the blacksmith hadn't been begotten yet),
and God said 'Sod this for a fucked up creation' and expelled them all from the garden. :devil:
Click to expand...
Barbaria1 said:
View attachment 451460 You know ... I think that's the way it actually happened ... and to think they have been keeping the truth from us for all those millennia!!!!
Click to expand...
You're right Eul.

I did say that

donald-trump-grow-up.jpg

- God
 
malins said:
Hmm one could wonder why exactly was there not only a tree of knowledge but also a tree of eternal life in that garden. Maybe it all started with the trees, someone first blundered into that garden and ate of them both, and then decided to keep that power to himself... ;)
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But where did the Garden come from?
And if the God of Abraham was just a lucky interloper, who holds the real power?

Wragg134 said:
You're right Eul.

I did say that

View attachment 451467

- God
Click to expand...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!
 
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and behold it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou mayest be not naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
 
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Eulalia said:
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and beheld it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou couldest not be naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
Click to expand...
In saecula saeculorum. :amen:
 
Eulalia said:
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and beheld it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou couldest not be naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
Click to expand...


You left out the part where God made a storm and a mighty Wind(ar) blew all the fruit off the the Tree.
 
Eulalia said:
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and behold it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou mayest be not naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
Click to expand...
Now I know how the Vulgate got it's name! :rolleyes:
 
Zephyros said:
Genesis, the first book of the Bible, contains two accounts of how Adam and Eve came into being. The first version, which most likely dates from between 600 and 400 B . C ., says that God created all living things—including a man and woman "in his own image"—on the sixth day of creation. According to the second version, which is longer and probably several centuries older, God (here named Yahweh) made Adam from dust and breathed "the breath of life" into his nostrils. God then created animals so that Adam would not be alone. However, God saw that Adam needed a human partner, so he put Adam to sleep, took a rib from his side, and created Eve from it.

Adam and Eve lived in a garden called Eden, from which four rivers flowed out into the world. Like other earthly paradises in mythologies of the arid Near East, Eden was a well-watered, fertile place that satisfied all of the needs of Adam and Eve. God imposed only one restriction on life in this paradise: not to eat the fruit of a certain tree—the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

A sly serpent in the garden persuaded Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, and Adam tasted the fruit as well ...

View attachment 450847 View attachment 450848 View attachment 450849 View attachment 450850 View attachment 450851 View attachment 450852 View attachment 450853 View attachment 450854 View attachment 450855
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Zephyros

More Eve

001.jpg 002.jpg 003.jpg 004.jpg 005.jpg

Top-Cat
 
Eulalia said:
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and behold it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou mayest be not naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
Click to expand...
That's really very clever Eul :clapping::goodjob:
 
Eulalia said:
The Authorised Version:

1 And God sent Tree into the Garden to crucify Eve, in accordance with the Law.

2 And he said unto Eve, ‘Forget that God said thou shalt not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life, for thou must eat of it, so that thou mayest be crucified again and again unto eternity.

3 But the woman drank of the Seagrams that was in the Garden, and smoked of the herb thereof that Adam had named Madam Wu.

4 And she said unto Adam ‘A serpent spake unto me and gave me the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and I did eat.’

5 And Adam said ‘Oh shit, what hast thou done?’

6 And Eve said unto Tree, ‘If I am to be crucified I shall wear a fig-leaf.’

7 And God came into the Garden to see what the Hell was going on, and he looked and behold it was not good.

8 And God said, ‘Who told thee that thou mayest be not naked? That was not in the contract.’

9 For Eve had not read the small print that was graven on the tablet.

10 Then the servants Bull and Gunner threw down their tools saying ‘We have no nails.’

11 For Tubalcain the blacksmith had not yet been begotten.

12 So God said ‘Stuff this for a fucked-up creation,’ and cursed them and sent them forth from the Garden.
Click to expand...


Eulalia

While Gunner and Bull expected the Almighty to make nails.

Gunner did not stand still, he took Eva, and went to fulfill another order of the Almighty.

Grow and multiply!

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002.gif


003.gif


004.gif


Top-Cat
 
Jollyrei said:
Perhaps we need a crux creation story.
Click to expand...

Would you care to expand on that? Who would have been around to crucify Adam and Eve? And then, according to the myth, we wouldn't be here to read about it if that had happened, would we?

But for the other species on Earth, that would have been a blessing, so maybe they did it-the snakes coiled around their wrists and ankles to hold them to the cross and elephants raised the cross with their trunks.
 
windar said:
Would you care to expand on that? Who would have been around to crucify Adam and Eve? And then, according to the myth, we wouldn't be here to read about it if that had happened, would we?

But for the other species on Earth, that would have been a blessing, so maybe they did it-the snakes coiled around their wrists and ankles to hold them to the cross and elephants raised the cross with their trunks.
Click to expand...
Don't just throw buckets of cold water, Winder. I'm thinking.:confused::D
Top-Cat said:
Zephyros

More Eve

View attachment 451841 View attachment 451842 View attachment 451843 View attachment 451844 View attachment 451845

Top-Cat
Click to expand...
Yeah, poor old Adam really had no chance, did he? :devil:
"We're not supposed to eat...those apples...um:very_hot: you know, because :tits:...oh fuck it, give me the apple!" :D
 
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