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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Compliance of these guidelines is advised in order for you to fully participate with the festive spirit.
 
NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Compliance of these guidelines is advised in order for you to fully participate with the festive spirit.

:meparto::risas3:
 
OK! Just don't forget a homologated fire extinguisher in the manger, a vet standing by for the well-being of the ox and the donkey, and ommit potentially disturbing and disruptive subplots like The Massacre of The Innocents, and we are almost there.;)

I believe The Massacre of the Innocents is under The Hague's jurisdiction.
 
Isn´t it only a question of definition for the terms "Massacre" and "Innocents"? Has there ever been a innocent condemned on CF?

Excellent question, connoisseurs. Lots of innocents have gone to the cross, often with my enthusiastic approval. :very_hot:

It’s our policy of no underage victims. And that nobody who hangs out on CF gets off on butchered babies.

I hope. :eek::boaa:
 

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While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Indeed, sitting on the ground is a serious risk to health and safety.
Shepherds must be seated on ergonomically designed shepherd-stools.
Any shepherds experiencing troubled minds must immediately contact the Shepherd Counselling Service.
Shepherds must not run, shout or proclaim tidings of great joy in public thoroughfares, this will only cause panic and confusion.
Shepherds planning to visit any infant must firstly undergo safeguarding training and disclosure checks.
 
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Don't believe I posted this before:
How many site members does it take to change a light bulb:

1 To change the light bulb and to post that the lightbulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing lightbulbs

13 to flame the spell checkers

18 to correct spelling/grammars flames

6 to argue over whether it's "light-bulb" or "light bulb"

6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

5 know-it-alls who "claim" they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

6 to email the participants ISP's complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

4 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum

23 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off topic forum, and light bulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

11 to defend the posting to this forum, saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this forum

1 to show everyone how he didn't have to change the bulb but fixed it up with duct tape and baling" wire and wants to know if he has now qualified for "Redneck Status"

3 willing to let him have honorary status

15 saying that he is disqualified because his fix actually worked and continues to function and besides nobody was hurt during the repair

1 to ask if the changer was sure that the light bulb was full curl

6 jumping up to argue that it was/wasn't full curl and that they're willing to bet huge sums of money on it

3 to claim that since they have superior visual skill's they don't need those "damn magnum bulbs"

27 to say that the new energy saving bulbs will never replace the old standards and speculate which models will be discontinued in 5-10 years

1 to ask "can you kill an elk with a light bulb?"

Another one to say "Yeah, but a heavy bulb penetrates better and are more likely to make up for poor placement"

8 will insist that the light trajectory from a fixture featuring multiple 60 watt bulbs is flatter than the trajectory of a single big-bore bulb of the same total wattage

8 others will insist upon the opposite view, using Taylor Knock-out values as evidence

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs works best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links that they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "what he said"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

14 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

20 to wonder why some of these people don't read their owner’s manual instead of asking the whole world where the light bulb is, what type it is, and how to change it. But they don't want to put such a question.

8 to say that fluorescent is far superior to incandescent

12 to refute that it makes no difference whether on uses incandescent or fluorescent

3 to say that they "know someone" who was blinded by the use of incandescent's and that only an inexperienced person or an outright fool would choose anything other than fluorescent

3 to state that they have tried reading upside down using incandescent's and still can see absolutely no difference between the two

1 to put his incandescent bulbs in nothing but fibreglass swirly coloured light fixtures

6 to condemn anyone using grid power, obvious from their reference over which type to use and demand that everyone switch to eco-friendly candles

6 to push for further development of LED clusters

3 posters to claim it's all George Bush's fault

1 to ask if Al Gore was claiming to have invented the light bulb

And one forum lurker to respond to the original poster 6 months from now and start it all over again.
 
Simply use candles!:rolleyes::idea:

From whichever source, for my part I prefer a dungeon's warm, indirect glow. It’s the ultimate in mood lighting. :eek::very_hot:
 

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