Now This Just Isn't Funny

[Barbaria1]

Not the reaction you were expecting?

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Taken seconds before I was arrested ...

 

[connoisseurs]

I know there are a lot of different kinks out there. But some I will never understand.

 

[Apostate]

I know there are a lot of different kinks out there. But some I will never understand.
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Re the Bible, I do.

Genesis 19:30-38 New International Version (NIV)

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[a]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi[b]; he is the father of the Ammonites[c] of today.

 

[connoisseurs]

Re the Bible, I do.

Genesis 19:30-38 New International Version (NIV)

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[a]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi[b]; he is the father of the Ammonites[c] of today.

Maybe I should have read the bible instead of the Story of O
Are there more good parts?

 

[Apostate]

Maybe I should have read the bible instead of the Story of O
Are there more good parts?

Well, there’s David and Jonathan, and Ruth and Naomi, but it’s Lot's Daughters who have inspired a whole lot of R-rated art.

 

[Migoz2]

I know there are a lot of different kinks out there. But some I will never understand.
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"Look at those traffic pacification measures!"

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'The Song of Solomon'

“Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle… How fair and pleasant you are, O loved one, delectable maiden! You are stately as a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its branches. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your kisses like the best wine that goes down smoothly, gliding over lips and teeth.. Come my beloved, let us go forth into the fields… There I will give you my love" (7:1,2, 6-12).

 

[Apostate]

"Look at those traffic pacification measures!"



'The Song of Solomon'

“Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle… How fair and pleasant you are, O loved one, delectable maiden! You are stately as a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its branches. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your kisses like the best wine that goes down smoothly, gliding over lips and teeth.. Come my beloved, let us go forth into the fields… There I will give you my love" (7:1,2, 6-12).

 

[Eulalia]

The Song of Songs is simply the most wonderful collection of erotic writing,
all love poetry since has flowed from it - it has inspired many artists and illustrators



and what I think must be the most explicitly erotic piece of music ever composed,
Monteverdi's setting of the antiphon 'Nigra sum' from the Vespers of 1610 -
just listen to what he does with 'arise, my love, and come'!

Nigra sum sed formosa, filia Jerusalem.
Ideo dilexit me Dominus et introduxit in cubiculum suum et dixit mihi:
Surge, amica mea et veni.
Jam hiems transiit, imber abiit et recessit,
Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra, tempus putationis advenit.

I am black but beautiful, daughter of Jerusalem,
wherefore my Lord delighted in me, and led me into his chamber,
and said to me, 'Arise, my love, and come.
Now the winter is past, showers have come and gone,
flowers have appeared in our land,
the time to pluck them has come'

 

[Apostate]

Then there’s depictions Bathsheba in her bath. Some sensual



others sad.

 

[Eulalia]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too -
the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

But I'm thinking maybe we should start a 'Biblical erotica' thread,
we could shift these posts into it and add more -
those in favour?

 

[Apostate]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too -
the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

But I'm thinking maybe we should start a 'Biblical erotica' thread,
we could shift these posts into it and add more -
those in favour?

Hmmm.

If I could do the search "fellatio in the Bible" and not get results like these



I'd think about it.

 

[Eva Inanna]

I bow to your experience in the matter, Eva, and thank you for the gift of a new term (I had to google "greater vestibular glands")
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First hit when you google "greater vestibular glands."

Bartholin's gland - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

By God, you even learn obscure points of human anatomy in this joint.

It may be more suggestive to refer to a “profuse amount of greater vestibular glands syrup” - strictly speaking “lubricating mucus” - than the more vulgar “I’m so wet!”
As Apostate point out, the glands are also named after Caspar Bartholin the Younger whom, despite his Mediterranean name, was a Dane. He described the female anatomy in great details in a book he published at the tender age of 23 !!
By those things of fate, I become acquainted with them while been diagnosed why my glands are dysfunctional that makes me feel solidary with the predicament of some African ladies that are subject to dry, often delightfully painful intimacy.
On a similar topic, do you know phlebas where i could buy those sexy shaped bananas?

 

[Eva Inanna]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too - the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

But I'm thinking maybe we should start a 'Biblical erotica' thread, we could shift these posts into it and add more - those in favour?

Biblical erotica is rather robust, Eulalia, covering such diverse pleasures as crucifixion, incest, onanism, lying with beasts and all manner of extreme and painful tortures. If one were to add some historical examples of good Christian behaviour – for example, the story of Hypatia of Alexandria – we will be accused of pathological deviancy.

 

[Apostate]

Biblical erotica is rather robust, Eulalia, covering such diverse pleasures as crucifixion, incest, onanism, lying with beasts and all manner of extreme and painful tortures. If one were to add some historical examples of good Christian behaviour – for example, the story of Hypatia of Alexandria – we will be accused of pathological deviancy.

Well, the pious mob that murdered her did strip her naked, providing excuses inspiration for all kinds of Victorian "respectable" porn.

 

[poem21045]

I know there are a lot of different kinks out there. But some I will never understand.
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Searching for a new route?

 

[phlebas]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too -
the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

But I'm thinking maybe we should start a 'Biblical erotica' thread,
we could shift these posts into it and add more -
those in favour?

Already done by Jolly, sort of, and very good it is too

Solomon - The Unauthorized Autobiography

Being a Tabloide and fulsome account of the divers ynterestes and scandales of the King, in several sections, with appropriate apologies to biblical scholars and, indeed, the entire field of Theology. I suppose you’re wondering how an autobiography can actually be “unauthorized”, and you are...

www.cruxforums.com

View attachment 780197 Searching for a new route?

You take the high road and I'll take the low road
and I'll have or-ga-sm afooooooore ye

 

[chelior]

The Song of Songs is simply the most wonderful collection of erotic writing,
all love poetry since has flowed from it - it has inspired many artists and illustrators

View attachment 780116View attachment 780117View attachment 780118View attachment 780119View attachment 780120View attachment 780122View attachment 780123View attachment 780124View attachment 780125

and what I think must be the most explicitly erotic piece of music ever composed,
Monteverdi's setting of the antiphon 'Nigra sum' from the Vespers of 1610 -
just listen to what he does with 'arise, my love, and come'!

Nigra sum sed formosa, filia Jerusalem.
Ideo dilexit me Dominus et introduxit in cubiculum suum et dixit mihi:
Surge, amica mea et veni.
Jam hiems transiit, imber abiit et recessit,
Flores apparuerunt in terra nostra, tempus putationis advenit.

I am black but beautiful, daughter of Jerusalem,
wherefore my Lord delighted in me, and led me into his chamber,
and said to me, 'Arise, my love, and come.
Now the winter is past, showers have come and gone,
flowers have appeared in our land,
the time to pluck them has come'

So beautiful !
We never get tired of this music !

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

From the Sacred to the mundane (very mundane!)

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too -
the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

But I'm thinking maybe we should start a 'Biblical erotica' thread,
we could shift these posts into it and add more -
those in favour?

If you need a reference edition:

 

[Apostate]

Susanna and the Elders, and the rape of Tamar, got painters excited too -
the Wiki article on Susanna has a good selection:

Susanna (Book of Daniel) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Thomas Hart Benton addressed the classic theme of lecherous old guys and naked young ladies, and transposed them to the midcentury American heartland, with his version of Susannah and the Elders



and Persephone



which are so damn 1930’s.