cruxer4
Guard
I don't drink any more. . . . . . . . . . . . . .I don't have a drinking problem...
I fall down. I get up. No problem!!!
I don't drink any less, either.
I don't drink any more. . . . . . . . . . . . . .I don't have a drinking problem...
I fall down. I get up. No problem!!!
Noooooooooooooooo, Mr. Bill! It was a 7 billion to one longshot anyway.No longer active.....
That happened to me once. Her roommate trained her with a banana. She did fine after that.She: I'm huffing and puffing here, and getting nowhere!
He: I think I see the problem, my dear. First of all, it's only called a blow job.
Ego Stipes Ergo Sum
1,000 milliderfuls = one derful.Once we in the UK are free of the rules of the EC, we can reintroduce our old weights and measures, and allow some new ones:
52 cards: 1 decacards.
1,000 aches: one kilohurtz.
2,000 lb of Chinese soup: won ton.
2,000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
Basic unit of laryngitis: one hoarsepower.
One million microphones: one megaphone.
Time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement. one bananosecond
The more I drink, the smarter I get.Madiosi was trying to get smarter, currently though he is just smarting
"Doc! What can I do to extend my life?"Doctor to patient : "After having examined you, I have to tell you that your condition is terrible! I am afraid there is little to do about!"
Patient : "Tell me, doctor, how long do I have to live!?"
Doctor : "Ten!"
Patient : "Ten!? Ten what, doctor? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?"
Doctor : "Six! Five! Four! Three!......"
A hooker says to a man, "For $100, I will do anything you want if you can describe it in three words or less."It reminds me of another cartoon which I can't find just now.
Beautiful girl makes offer to boyfriend "tie me up and then you can do anything you like"
He ties her naked to the bed, then goes and plays computer games . . . . .
Aha, found it
View attachment 569153
That reminds me of the time I saw John Valby back in the 90's with my bro. We both had sore stomachs the next day from laughing so hard. In the 80's we were both in a rock band, and we would sing the Eat Bite Song (after the gig of course), as fast as we could, like the end of this video. There are many versions, b/c he keeps adding new verses. https://video.search.yahoo.com/sear...=b555c9148c9f930e8cf40a40471a754b&action=view Also known as Dr. Dirty or The Dirty Piano Player. Yank My Doodle is a classic.
The Genie grants the man one wish. He says he's terrified of flying, but he has always wanted to visit Hawaii. Could you build me a highway to Hawaii?A Yorkshireman is walking along the beach at Scarborough when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
A large genie appears out of the bottle and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after the government balances the budget and eliminates the debt."
The genie stares at him a second or two, then says … "Well you crafty old sod."
At private schools in the US, that person is called the Headmaster (or Headmistress)For our N American friends, the Principal of a school in UK is usually called the Head (Teacher).
Sub-editors have a sense of humour:
View attachment 785977
This sign is posted in a French church:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu.
Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui.
Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS en conduisant.
Translation:
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and
talk to him.
If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
In the old days, with those little booths, the main problems with confessions were halitosis and BO, not surveillance. Actually, this is rife for automation. The "penance" was usually cookie-cutter anyway. It lends itself to a database. "Adultery". "How many times?" "Five". "Give $5,000 to the building fund."I did once see:
CONFESSIONS(Your confession may be recorded for training and quality purposes? )
Surveillance par video
"Alexa, I have sinned."In the old days, with those little booths, the main problems with confessions were halitosis and BO, not surveillance. Actually, this is rife for automation. The "penance" was usually cookie-cutter anyway. It lends itself to a database. "Adultery". "How many times?" "Five". "Give $5,000 to the building fund."
On the same theme, the genie tells the man that he can grant him anything he wishes with the caveat that his worst enemy will receive double. The man thinks, then makes his first wish, to own a paradise island populated by nubile young ladies, the second to become a multi-millionaire. What about your third wish says the genie. That`s easy, i`d like one testicle removed please.The Genie grants the man one wish. He says he's terrified of flying, but he has always wanted to visit Hawaii. Could you build me a highway to Hawaii?
The Genie says that would be almost impossible, with all the infrastructure involved. Please make another wish.
The man says I want to understand women.
The Genie says do you want that two lanes or four?
Buhda boom.
In the old days, with those little booths, the main problems with confessions were halitosis and BO, not surveillance. Actually, this is rife for automation. The "penance" was usually cookie-cutter anyway. It lends itself to a database. "Adultery". "How many times?" "Five". "Give $5,000 to the building fund."
Reminds me of a (nameless) cruxgirl.I just love Annis and his kind of humor
View attachment 787229 View attachment 787230 View attachment 787231