Revenge of the Pulps

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Someone should say it, so I will.

There is some wonderfully entertaining sardonic humor employed in each of these commentaries. PP is doing a great job of skewering the idiotic feature titles on the covers of these mags.

Thanks for making me laugh

Thank you so much Barbaria! Very kind words, when the new Reich thread is established, you will have an überlegen senior position (under me of course - that sounds good, under me!)

Does sardonic means something like sadistic?

 

[connoisseurs]

Don't you Pulpers love all the new and useful facts you learn from Me! You are very welcome!

Sorry PP, my english is not good enough to live up to your wonderful work. Or with the words of one of my former bosses: to not be insulted should be praise enough

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Sorry PP, my english is not good enough to live up to your wonderful work. Or with the words of one of my former bosses: to not be insulted should be praise enough

Thanks, I think! You seem far from my usual targets. (unless your one of those Soviet Bolshvics trying to frustrate my efforts at world domination (or is it dominatrix? I knew I had a bad experience once with one of those).

I really appreciate you following my humble efforts!

 

[windar]

"Here is a daring “hip” novel of a young girl’s search for sexual identity in the decadent world of today’s Greenwich Village…"

In today's Greenwich Village, people are too tired from slaving away to pay the outrageous rent/mortgage to search for their sexual identity.

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

In today's Greenwich Village, people are too tired from slaving away to pay the outrageous rent/mortgage to search for their sexual identity.

Oh the inhumanity of it all! Every young woman should have a sugar daddy to finance her sexual journey of self realization while denying him blowjobs. (you want to put what? where?)

 

[windar]

Oh the inhumanity of it all! Every young woman should have a sugar daddy to finance her sexual journey of self realization while denying him blowjobs. (you want to put what? where?)

Are you quoting someone we all know? Stay tuned for further episodes of Basement Bound...

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

(you want to put what? where?)

Which of course could apply to anal or even missionary in some of my relationships (all, sigh)

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Are you quoting someone we all know? Stay tuned for further episodes of Basement Bound...

Quoting too many, sigh!

But BB is great, I'm following closely (mostly because my eyesight's gone and I have to have my face an inch from the screen to see the magnificent Barbara (which actually isn't a bad place to have your nose and mouth near that ....

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Seriously Windar, the second book in the Agent series will center on some white slavery as well. Human trafficking is rather the crime du jour these days. (PC requires two clarifications: One, in RL HT is a crime du jour and is horrible and evil and we hate it - those poor young girls often lured into a life like slavery! Two, it makes a nice, sexy and arousing topic for fantasy here on CF!)

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

New Man February 1970

“Teen Lust Cults: America’s Growing Peril” What is it with the editors and the readers about teens? Female teens? Young, firm bodies? Virgins? Oh, I get it.

“Chained Nudes in the Monster’s Crypt” Some of these are like those games where you substitute words to make a crazy sentence. Like end every fortune cookie fortune with “in bed” – “You will meet a helpful stranger in bed” Throw in Nude and chained, and it doesn’t matter what else you say!

“Exposed: The West Coast’s Wildest Sin Strip” Love these investigative exposes. Although Strip here probably means like a strip mall. But including the word along with sin, will cause a lot of stirring in the reader’s pants. I know it did in mine back in the day. Of course a 21 year-old-male has stirrings when the traffic light changes!

“SEX – How its used as a Secret Weapon that can Spell Your Doom.” Well, they already have the guy buying the mag with the Big letter word SEX. So the story doesn’t matter much. Probably the same as discussed in #267 "EXPOSE: You're a Sucker for a Shotgun Wedding." Been there, done that!

Art Blurb “Mission Fantastic: Smash Hitler’s Castle of the Damned” doesn’t seem to have much purpose but as a pilot for a TV and Movie Series (Mission Fantastic).

But the art work! Be still my beating masculine parts! She is SO pretty, SO shapely and ready to be naked, SO vulnerable looking over her shoulder at the heavy, long bullwhip and the nasty Nazi about to use it on her body! The officer and his aide are really enjoying themselves (too often it all seems like work). And the whipper has a bulge in his pants, one of very few in the history of Pulp.

Unfortunately, the image is rather small. If any out there have a large format version, please, please, bitte! Post it!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

A book about the Great Fumetti artist Emanuele Taglietti

Sex AND Horror - go together like love and marriage? Not for me!
So why is the poor chained girl so afraid of the little cross? Is it where he's going to put it? (you're going to put what? where?) Is she a deeply scarred and tramatized victim, still in recovery from a strict parochial education? (The Nuns! Oh the Horror! The Nuns!) Not really sure, what? I don't.. her smile? yes its a pretty..OH!
It has occurred to me that she maybe a "Woman of the Night (hint: Vampirilla)!
BTW she's damned sexy even if she wants to drink my blood (after all that's like most of the women I've dated!)

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Adventure v142 #3 February 1966 Cover Artist Victor Prezio
Another entry in the “sex” genre; sorry seem to have sex on the brain (and elsewhere) this morning.

“$200 for your Story $200” 1966 was about the peak year for Pulps, before Playboy and looser laws began to push them to the fringe. Authors were needed (now you understand why some of the blurbs were so lame (PC – sorry, NOT picking on dwarf hunchback)) $200 about $2,000 today! $2K! Hell I could write this crap for $2K! Excuse me I have to call a number….ring…..Drat, number disconnected – 41 years ago.

“Bikini-Watching Guide to SCANDINAVIA” You’d pay 1966 trans-Atlantic airfare ($5,000 today’s $) to go to Scandinavia to see the same bikinis that are all over Malibu! Oh you must really like Blonds. (Hey buddy. Give you a tip: Scandinavia had NUDE beaches where you could find Brunettes; OMG now I’m getting really horny!)

“The Girl from Fanny Hill” This year (2018) marks the 55th anniversary of the first commercial printing in America of John Cleland's racy 1749 novel “Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure.” Written while the author was in debtors' prison in London, it is considered "the first original English prose pornography, and the first pornography to use the form of the novel" (And the first pornographic, prose novel that this boy read cover to cover (many times! Sorry, Sex on the brain)

“Night Life on the Dead Sea” Floating, swinging nightclubs floating high on that saltine lake? Or Nat Geo describing nocturnal sand scorpions? Inquiring minds etc. etc.

“$5.95 Book Bonus: Sex and the Mature Man” This one is meant for me. It would be awfully short for $5.95 in 1966 – none!

Main course “Bewitched by a Voodoo Princess” Now we’re talking what I’m here for! And the art! Look at those..! and those..!! And That...!!! Chest of Gold is nice as is that bag of gold coins. What would it be like with her? Ouch, Ouch! How do you take these things off? Ouch! Are they glued on? Ouch!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Sex still on Brain - in all truth, It's been there since 1959!

“We rescued a $3 million Fortune from Columbia’s LAKE of a THOUSAND HORRORS”
I don't have any information on this cover. Its here because she is sexy. (and I have sex on the brain)
It does look like the guy needs a bigger weapon! (Funny, I was told that just recently by a sweet young thing, sigh!)
A question for the many ichthyologists (fish folks for those of you in Arkansas) on the forum: Are Great White Sharks common in fresh-water Columbian lakes? Just asking!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

So many Pulps, so little time! Often part of one issue was used in another to save editorial costs. In this extreme example, the entire Man's Story of January 1965 was used in a one-off Clash, The Mans Magazine in February 1965.
View attachment 623143
The Collector's Edition, large image, Art by Norm Eastman
View attachment 623144
"Intimate Revelations - How to Fulfill a Woman's Love Needs" Have you tried foreplay? No not 15 seconds of squeezing breasts and then in and out! Take some time, learn to stimulate the clitoris. No really its not that hard to find! It's right in front, dummkopf !
"Self Test: Are you a sexual Misfit?" Do you read this magazine? End of Self Test.
"The Shocking Scandal of Suburbia's Lesbian Wifes" Lesbian Wives - not that there's anything wrong with that! But it does make a great excuse if your wife doesn't respond to your 'lovemaking' (forgive me while I laugh!). See Intimate Revelations above!
And then to the good stuff, Norm Eastman's always excellent art and "Scream My Sweet, in Horror's Embrace!" That would almost make a good pick-up line for some of the gals here!

Here we see the full stocks and pillory approach (sans neck - this allows us to see the redhead's horror). Note openings custom sized to hands and feet - pure German craftsmanship! Girl is sexy and scared, whip could fall anywhere the first time, and will eventually fall everywhere. No American rescuer in sight (good , I'm tired of those mongrel amerikanisch interfering in good clean torture!)

And for those who wish to be buried in excruciating detail (buried alive and crucified in same phrase -pretty cool) here are the interior contents:

My Wild Escape from the Lusting She Demons of Shanghai · Ben Knight
Walk Into Death at the Devil’s Crossroads · P.F.C. Lawrence Marcy
Vile Secrets of the White Slaver’s Ship of Agony · Jim McDonald
The Shocking Scandal of Suburbia’s Lesbian Wives · Frank Gorman
The Incredible Passion Plot of France’s Nude Nymphs of Pleasure · Dean W. Ballenger
Scream My Sweet in Horror’s Embrace · Chuck McCarthy
Are You a Sexual Misfit · T. H. Williams
Intimate Revelations How to Fulfil a Woman’s Love Needs · Roger L. Tobias

So many blurbs, so little time!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Great thoughts of the feminist revolution!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

I have no information on source:

A very blue collar story of Charlie, the struggling owner of a gas station franchise who self manages maintenance (read the guy who cleans the bathrooms of the vomit of the toilets with Kleenex stuffed in them).
I'm guessing that's his new "girlfriend" Angie. (Great tits) She's been stringing him along, getting him to buy her dinner and gifts, but getting all reluctant when he want's more than a peck on the cheek.
And that crud is Robert, the traveling fink on his way up with the oil company coming around trying to find an excuse to pull the franchise and sell it to another sucker. You can guess our station manager doesn't have much affection for Robert.
And now he finds them in the station office, doing a heck of a lot more than she's let Charlie even dream of.

What is he going to do with that Monkey Wrench? Nothing the two of them don't deserve.

Don't you love an ending where Justice triumphs.

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

On the last entry I had to make up some of the story. On this one all I do is repeat what's already there:
we set the scene
Muriel knew it was only a matter of time before she' be able to show the girl a different kind of love...a different source of forbidden passion.
Alternative Cover
Reissued cover on a hetero story, notice cropped to hide previous girl and legs toughed up to look masculine.


And the beautiful artwork stands alone.

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Don't worry, Pulpers. Euer Führer your leader is returning to the most popular Pulps of all, those celebrating exposing the horrors of the Drittes Reich evil Nazi Empire. Presented today for you evaluation and enjoyment, one of the truly greats of the genre, Men Today December 1962, cover by John Duillo:
Take a moment to enjoy....
Blurbs: "Lust Slave if the Teenage Passion Queen" No beating around the bush, the teens here are queens, passion queens and they want you, yes you (46, balding, beer-gut, early onset erectile dysfunction, with wife three kids, crushing mortgage) to take you away to their secret lair and hold you as their lust slave! What could be wrong with that?

"The beat cop: Raw guts on the hoof" tip of the hat to our boys in blue.

"Shackled Nudes for The Lash of Satin" Wonderfully compact prose that pushes all the buttons.

"The Terror Trail of the Algerian Sin Girls." revolt against France in Algeria was gaining traction in the news, as were the Sin Girls!

"How to overcome 10 hidden Emotions that Cripple You" I'd love to see that list; Compassion -don't be a softy! Empathy - don't be a softy! Caring about your wife's feelings - don't be a softy! Modesty -don't be a softy! Feeling guilty for doing wrong to your loved ones - don't be a softy!

Now to the great main show: "A Crypt of Agony for the Screaming Beauties of Belgium" How about it you sadists out there? How about it you masochists out there? Note the Nazi officer is drawn with a nice posture and a determined expression. He will bring agony to these Beauties if its the last thing he does. And that white hot iron seems to make the job very doable!

And for those visual people out there clean artwork. See why Duillo was one of the best!

Priceless!

 

[connoisseurs]

On the last entry I had to make up some of the story. On this one all I do is repeat what's already there:
View attachment 623385we set the scene
View attachment 623385Muriel knew it was only a matter of time before she' be able to show the girl a different kind of love...a different source of forbidden passion.
View attachment 623388Alternative Cover
Reissued cover on a hetero story, notice cropped to hide previous girl and legs toughed up to look masculine.
View attachment 623389

And the beautiful artwork stands alone.
View attachment 623390

"She´d own the lovely face, that glorious body...and most of all, all that wonderful money"

For once a real lovestory to my taste

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Whew! that last one is just incredible!
I know I've been a little irregular recently due to multiple evacuations and needs to catch up with RL, writing more in the second book of the Agent, and general personal funk. However, we've had a decent run today and we'll finish with a slightly different cover:
Battle cry, August 1961
"Special!!! The Secret of More Sex Power" Three exclamation points it must be a big breakthrough,a and, who doesn't want more sex power?

"Chinatown's bloodiest axeman Mock Duck...King of all Killers" - stay out of Chinatown. Wait, is that PC?

"The strange story from behind red lights - The Call-Girl Who Doesn't Like Men" Wait, how is this possible? Girls whose entire relationship with men consists of being used as a piece of meat for their pleasure, often treated roughly, their feeling disregarded (except that they need to have a massive orgasm every time - does that sound familiar, gals?), and knowing they will be kicked, literally to the gutter when they show signs of natural aging. How could they not like men?? Ingrates!!

"The Kremlin has discovered that Nymphos make the best spies" Remember Anna Chapman?

On the cover it is heartwarming to see a girl allowed to pursue her chosen career and enjoying her work so much. (Deep cleavage is a job requirement!). Be careful if a Commie asks for your hand!