Okay so one not terribly interesting sea voyage later we find ourselves and our Greek heroes off the coast of Asia.
The commanders of the Greek array had briefly laid up at a small off shore islet. It was not a good place for fleet, there was no sheltered shore and no fresh water but it did provide a place all the Kings and Captains could gather to discuss the problem. It had been a frustrating morning.
The Greek fleet had appeared over the horizon with every expectation of making a swift landing on the wide gently shelving beaches of the port of Troy and perhaps even a swift assault on its citadel only to find a Trojan force drawn up in battle array, bright in burnished armour beneath proudly flapping banners. Agamemnon with swift decision had diverted the fleet to next good landing beach to the north only to find another Trojan force standing guard there, a tiring turn around and rowing without aid of the wind had taken the Greeks south to another beach and again more Trojan troops.
“How did they know we were coming?” Asked someone standing back among the more junior captains, voicing the question everyone had been dying to ask for the past quarter hour of holy rituals to appease the Gods and establish an augury for whether the meeting was a good idea.
“Spies, damn cursed spies must have warned them,” Muttered Menelaus.
“Brother please, be a little objective,” Admonished Agamemnon, “We ourselves did not know our day of arrival till last night and what ship could traverse these waters faster than ours?”
“Besides only Philoctetes is missing and we all know that is because the idiot shot himself in the foot trying to show off and had to put into port to have it looked at,” Odysseus pointed out and everyone laughed at the other’s misfortune.
“It is most probably their seers My Lord Kings and Noble Captains,” Grovelled Calchas, “The Temple of Apollo in Troy is renowned for its talented seers.”
“Really, I thought he was on our side?” Queried Menelaus.
“Well it might have been, erm, when his sister, was,” Agamemnon looked embarrassed, “A bit cross with us.”
“Oh so it was your fault,” Menelaus nodded happily, Agamemnon glowered at him.
“Well maybe we could try for a more distant beach, they cannot have covered all of them,” Odysseus suggested.
“The next nearest beach is a full day’s rowing away, let alone having to march to Troy, we’d be days, the Trojans could attack us anywhere along the route,” Said Ajax the Lesser who was King of the Locrians.
“So that settles it, we hit them head on, land our ships and smash their army on the shore,” Said Achilles.
“What have you seen how many there are? This is not one of your raids Achilles, we have an entire fleet and there is not enough beach, we need time to draw some of the ships up from the waterline or we’ll smash ourselves to pieces on each other’s vessels as badly as on a rocky shore,” Odysseus explained slowly and carefully, as one did with the slow child.
“Then don’t send the whole fleet,” Achilles replied, “I’ll lead a forlorn hope against that bluff on their flank, they have to move to meet us and I bet you their commanders all rush to be in front, that way our High King can take his time bringing in the main fleet on their new flank while they dither about getting orders, plenty of time to get ashore and get organised.
“I volunteer for this mission,” Roared mighty Ajax the Greater, King of Aegina.
“I too volunteer for this mission,” Declared Ajax the Lesser.
“I too,” Menelaus proclaimed, “And if anyone sees that pup Paris in the front lines remember he is mine!”
“Excellent,” Nodded Agamemnon, “But you’ll need a fifth ship, with a commander of wit and discernment, what say you Odysseus?”
“What? This mission is suicide, we’ll be surrounded and cut off for ages by a bunch of berserk Hittites,” Odysseus protested, then looked around, “Oh alright then, I volunteer for the stupid suicide mission.” Everyone laughed at his famous banter, the King of Ithaca merely looked sour.
“Right men,” Explained Achilles a little later after talking to the crews of the other ships as his own Pride of Peleus approached the shore, “When we hit the sand get your kit and leg it as fast as you can to that hill there, as soon as they see our banners the Trojans are going to rush us so you don’t want to get caught short.”
“Right, hit the sand and run for the hill,” Messalios nodded, “Got it.”
“No not you Messalios, I need you to cover the boats, make sure no one nicks them or our supplies while we are in battle, I assign you oh, the rearmost ten rowers, they are all good men.”
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“But I want to fight!” Protested Messalios.
“And fight you shall but not today, today you guard my ship,” Achilles told her.
“But I want to fight today,” Messalios stamped her foot.
“Look Messalios I am not sure you are quite over Iphi- well things, look while you wear the armour I gave you, you will obey my orders,” Achilles said getting cross, well crosser than usual for Achilles.
“Very well, while I wear your armour I will obey your orders,” Messalios agreed even as the prow of the boat crunched into the sand.
“Right, this is it men, run like the clappers,” Achilles said, though he himself stood awhile on the sand counting everyman ashore before he then raced to the head of the attacking column.
“Erm Messalios, why are you taking off your armour?” Asked the eldest of the veterans as Achilles and his men and the other companies streamed up the hill, he looked a bit startled.
“Wraggithos Achilles said that while I wore his armour I must obey his orders,” Messalios had shed her cuirass and helmet and gauntlets and now kicked off her greaves.
“Ah yes but Mistress Messalios, I don’t think you need to take off your shift,” Said Wraggithos turning bright red under his olive tan. He tried looking away, looked back and looked away again and back again.
“Well I want to fight naked, armoured by my faith in the Goddess Artemis,” Messalios told him.
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“Oh but what about the ship?” Warggithos called as she jumped down.
“Oh you are in charge of the ship,” Messalios called over her shoulder and went charging up the beach.
The battle was in full fury by the time she arrived with entire regiments of Trojans shooting arrows, while squadrons of cavalry charged around the perimeter of the small Greek formation and several much larger phalanx brigades prepared to mount a coordinated assault.
“Tremble Trojans for today you face a woman’s wrath,” Called out Messalios spiritedly.
Sadly her voice did not carry very well over the noise of battle.
“What was that?” Asked an archer.
“I said,” And this time Messalios raised her voice, at just the moment the Trojans all decided to be quiet in order to hear their generals’ orders and the wind changed direction so as to carry her words with an eerie distinctness to all ears, “Tremble Trojans for today you face a woman’s wrath!”
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“Oh shit, it’s Aphrodite,” Said Paris and promptly ran to a cavalry man’s horse, pulled the man off and legged it on his borrowed steed. This very quickly started a stampede. Messalios did her best. She ran towards the nearest brigade of Trojan pikemen who took a brief look at this most gloriously arousing of martial sights before throwing down their main weapons and sprinting back to Troy as fast as their legs would carry them. Messalios run up to some archers but they took to their heels even quicker, well archers had that reputation, “Come you cavalry show us what you are made of,” Messalios tried her luck there.
It would seem the Trojan cavalry was made of some very good steeple chasers as they promptly made a bee line for the citadel, leaping all obstacle in their path without pause or hesitation.
“That was bloody brilliant,” A large meaty hand clapped Messalios on the shoulder and she noticed Odysseus had come down from the hill to stand beside her, “I thought Achilles and the Ajax’s had come up with another one of their stupid triple A suicide charges and we were all about to be massacred but instead he had a cunning plan.”
Odysseus looked around at the now rather quickly emptying battlefield, “Oh by the way if you would like to play a less martial Aphrodite, my tent any time,” He whispered in Messalios ear, “Hey Achilles over here, your girl was bloody marvellous, the real hero of the day.”
“But I wanted to fight,” Pouted Messalios but as so often the men were too busy congratulating each other to hear her.
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Yes, It's true ! But who cares ... Only men can fight, the Amazons have left their armours and live quietly now ... some of them even have a husband !
From the moment she stamped her foot it was obvious she would, however deviously, find a way to gainsay that order.
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Well !!! It's more and more hard to be a "Myrmidon'warrior" ... 
Hum, I think that we'll do have some jealous Myrmidon in front of us, my squirrel ...Oh, have I told you somewhere that my squirrel'writer was called : "Homer"
