RacingRodent
Consul
Being a relation of how Messalios gets an itch and a fickle love goddess offers to scratch it...plus skulduggery but first a pavilion full of some very fussy people...
“And furthermore it clearly states in the articles of Peace and Perpetual Friendship between Greece and Troy that there shall be no slave raiding, piracy nor acts of murder or rape committed by either party upon the other without sanction of law being applied by the injured party,” Calchas concluded.
“And that runt stealing my wife is piracy, rape and breach of guest right all rolled into one,” Menelaus stood up and pointed an accusing finger straight at Paris. Both Kings Priam and Agamemnon looked a bit pained at the interjection into the tortuous and long winded presentation of positions by Calchas for the Greeks and a woman named Cassandra for the Trojans. Nevertheless some even among the Trojan party were inclined to nod.
“That is not so, Helen came away with me because she loved me and you were boring and you beat her!” Protested Prince Paris.
“I did not!” Snapped Menelaus, “Have her come down here and swear an oath upon whichever God or Goddess she chooses and then we shall see what she says.”
“That seems fair,” Agreed High Priestess Cassandra with a quick glance at her Royal father, “I summon Princess Helen of…” A glance at the Greek Army camped on the flats, “I summon Princess Helen to give testimony before the Kings and Princes here assembled on the matter of the, ah, dispute.”
“Well okay he did not beat her but he was still boring,” Paris whined.
“You know what, I don’t care, just let me fight that little snowflake in a proper man to man duel, winner gets my wife and that settles the matter,” Menelaus snarled.
“Brother hang on just a min….” Agamemnon tried to get a word in edgeways.
“Done,” King Priam leapt up from his throne, “And you will consider the matter then resolved utterly and totally and the peace between our nations restored as it once was?”
“After I killed the cunt, abso-fucking-lootly” Said Menelaus.
“And if he kills you My Lord King of Sparta?” Asked Priam gravely.
“Well I won’t much fucking care then, will I?” Laughed Menelaus and Agamemnon held a hand across his face and just looked exhausted.
“Excellent, well then may I propose tomorrow at noon? We shall need until then for your priests and ours to consecrate the ground so that the Gods may judge fairly between you My Lord King and the Royal Prince Paris,” Priam suggested.
“They ain’t going to choose that squirt,” Laughed Menelaus a remark which neither surprised nor raised disagreement with anyone save perhaps Paris who looked outraged at everyone else nodding.
“Says you,” Paris snarled.
“Good, be nice to see how well you fight,” Smiled Menelaus and Paris blanched.
“Well that was boring,” Said a voice beside Messalios.
“Who are you and why are the Greek kings looking cross?” Asked Messalios of the tall blonde woman who had her breasts bared like the priestesses officiating the rites on the Trojan side but was otherwise dressed as a Greek.
“What I am Primus…oh you Greeks can never remember my name I am PP the Doryarch remember?” Said the man who came from some barbarian settlement to the west and had joined the Myrmidons after some complicated adventures he called going walk about quickly risen to become Achilles spearmaster.
“What oh I meant this…oh never mind,” Messalios realised that PP could not see the woman in front of him who stuck her tongue out at Messalios, “So why are the Greek Kings all looking so glum?”
“Because Menelaus just negotiated away the plunder they were hoping to get,” The Doryarch explained, “Well except the boss who likes a good fight and puts honour before gold and…it looks to me like Odysseus is looking relieved too but I would not be sure of why with that pirate.”
“What he said,” Said the tall woman with her tits out.
“Oh thank you,” Messalios smiled at PP, she waited until people were walking back before hissing at the woman who seemed invisible to most everyone else, “Who are you?”
“Oh me, I am Aphrodite, I like totally am love Goddess and I suggest to you that if you were to visit the red house on the third street off the Royal Road in Troy you would totally have an awesome time,” Said the Divine being casually plucking a flower from the road and savouring its perfume.
“Why would you tell me this?” Asked Messalios suspiciously.
“Because I am like totally into love and you are clearly not into men,” Aphrodite replied casually.
“So why the Red House?” Messalios was still more than a bit sceptical.
“Because Troy does business with the Amazons and where do you think they go when they want a fun time? Remember men are just stallions for breeding with as far as they are concerned,” Aphrodite sniffed the flower, “A waste if you ask me, anybody, anywhere, anytime is my motto.”
“Okay then you, me, here, right now,” Messalios was sure there was something fishy going on.
“Oh darling, how delightful, I’d love to but daddy sent me to report on the meeting, I really must be off to Olympus but maybe I’ll be by tonight,” The Goddess winked. Then vanished. The annoying thing was that while Messalios did not trust her, she did admit she had a bit of an itch for, well something other than doing it for herself.
“And furthermore it clearly states in the articles of Peace and Perpetual Friendship between Greece and Troy that there shall be no slave raiding, piracy nor acts of murder or rape committed by either party upon the other without sanction of law being applied by the injured party,” Calchas concluded.
“And that runt stealing my wife is piracy, rape and breach of guest right all rolled into one,” Menelaus stood up and pointed an accusing finger straight at Paris. Both Kings Priam and Agamemnon looked a bit pained at the interjection into the tortuous and long winded presentation of positions by Calchas for the Greeks and a woman named Cassandra for the Trojans. Nevertheless some even among the Trojan party were inclined to nod.
“That is not so, Helen came away with me because she loved me and you were boring and you beat her!” Protested Prince Paris.
“I did not!” Snapped Menelaus, “Have her come down here and swear an oath upon whichever God or Goddess she chooses and then we shall see what she says.”
“That seems fair,” Agreed High Priestess Cassandra with a quick glance at her Royal father, “I summon Princess Helen of…” A glance at the Greek Army camped on the flats, “I summon Princess Helen to give testimony before the Kings and Princes here assembled on the matter of the, ah, dispute.”
“Well okay he did not beat her but he was still boring,” Paris whined.
“You know what, I don’t care, just let me fight that little snowflake in a proper man to man duel, winner gets my wife and that settles the matter,” Menelaus snarled.
“Brother hang on just a min….” Agamemnon tried to get a word in edgeways.
“Done,” King Priam leapt up from his throne, “And you will consider the matter then resolved utterly and totally and the peace between our nations restored as it once was?”
“After I killed the cunt, abso-fucking-lootly” Said Menelaus.
“And if he kills you My Lord King of Sparta?” Asked Priam gravely.
“Well I won’t much fucking care then, will I?” Laughed Menelaus and Agamemnon held a hand across his face and just looked exhausted.
“Excellent, well then may I propose tomorrow at noon? We shall need until then for your priests and ours to consecrate the ground so that the Gods may judge fairly between you My Lord King and the Royal Prince Paris,” Priam suggested.
“They ain’t going to choose that squirt,” Laughed Menelaus a remark which neither surprised nor raised disagreement with anyone save perhaps Paris who looked outraged at everyone else nodding.
“Says you,” Paris snarled.
“Good, be nice to see how well you fight,” Smiled Menelaus and Paris blanched.
“Well that was boring,” Said a voice beside Messalios.
“Who are you and why are the Greek kings looking cross?” Asked Messalios of the tall blonde woman who had her breasts bared like the priestesses officiating the rites on the Trojan side but was otherwise dressed as a Greek.
“What I am Primus…oh you Greeks can never remember my name I am PP the Doryarch remember?” Said the man who came from some barbarian settlement to the west and had joined the Myrmidons after some complicated adventures he called going walk about quickly risen to become Achilles spearmaster.
“What oh I meant this…oh never mind,” Messalios realised that PP could not see the woman in front of him who stuck her tongue out at Messalios, “So why are the Greek Kings all looking so glum?”
“Because Menelaus just negotiated away the plunder they were hoping to get,” The Doryarch explained, “Well except the boss who likes a good fight and puts honour before gold and…it looks to me like Odysseus is looking relieved too but I would not be sure of why with that pirate.”
“What he said,” Said the tall woman with her tits out.
“Oh thank you,” Messalios smiled at PP, she waited until people were walking back before hissing at the woman who seemed invisible to most everyone else, “Who are you?”
“Oh me, I am Aphrodite, I like totally am love Goddess and I suggest to you that if you were to visit the red house on the third street off the Royal Road in Troy you would totally have an awesome time,” Said the Divine being casually plucking a flower from the road and savouring its perfume.
“Why would you tell me this?” Asked Messalios suspiciously.
“Because I am like totally into love and you are clearly not into men,” Aphrodite replied casually.
“So why the Red House?” Messalios was still more than a bit sceptical.
“Because Troy does business with the Amazons and where do you think they go when they want a fun time? Remember men are just stallions for breeding with as far as they are concerned,” Aphrodite sniffed the flower, “A waste if you ask me, anybody, anywhere, anytime is my motto.”
“Okay then you, me, here, right now,” Messalios was sure there was something fishy going on.
“Oh darling, how delightful, I’d love to but daddy sent me to report on the meeting, I really must be off to Olympus but maybe I’ll be by tonight,” The Goddess winked. Then vanished. The annoying thing was that while Messalios did not trust her, she did admit she had a bit of an itch for, well something other than doing it for herself.
