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Uvm Faculty Barbeque
- Thread starter thehangingtree
- Start date
There are several ways to present a cooked long pig. It they are done in an oven it is usually done in the traditional ‘trussed’ fashion.
Garnishments include the apple in the mouth. Here ‘Muki’ has already inserted a peeled banana in the pig’s cunt. When she is done posing for pictures she will remove the thermometer and stuff a fat cucumber in the pig’s bum.
‘Muki’ says the banana and cucumber should be chilled to almost freezing to keep them from wilting in the hot pig’s loins.
If the long pig is slow spit roasted for four or more hours it will not survive the length of the roasting. The meat will be very hot and a good chef will tell you it is best to let it cool for a half hour to forty-five minutes before carving. The long pig can be garnished and used for serving hor d’oeurves during this period.
Barb was cooked over a hotter fire with apple wood and hickory added for flavoring and was still alive when taken from the fire. The guests enjoyed watching her struggle the few inches she could slide on the spit as it certainly looked like she was fucking the wood post in her cunt. The reality is she was futilely trying to escape the heat and the spit.
With less than a half hour left to go on the spit she was given a an injection of Joan Tree’s paralysis potion (don’t worry, it is FDA approved; one woman would have to eat more than half the long pig within an hour of the injection to feel any effects from the drug).
When Barb was taken from the fire and the spit was removed she was laid on a large trayan apple was placed in her mouth.
Some wanted to pose her lewdly…
…but with the spit removed her lungs were not being ventilated and she would soon asphyxiate.
People surround me. Some I even consider friends! Someone holds my head up so I can look down my body. Merle Hill takes a sharp knife an slits open my chest from collarbone to just above my navel. Using some fierce-looking shears he cuts my ribs free from my sternum! He places my breast bone next to me and reaches into my chest and pulls my still beating heart out for me and everyone else to see!!!
My head is laid back onto the tray and I wait for him to cut my heart out. I see a glint of light and something swings down towards my neck. I hear a loud thud.
Before removing Barb’s heart Merle had picked up a huge meat cleaver and with one swift swing he severed her neck. Her spine did not slow the blade and the sound she heard was the blade hitting the butcher block beneath her neck.
I look down at a headless body and realize it is mine. I think this is all finally over…
Tree
…I thought that was a better ending. Yes???
Garnishments include the apple in the mouth. Here ‘Muki’ has already inserted a peeled banana in the pig’s cunt. When she is done posing for pictures she will remove the thermometer and stuff a fat cucumber in the pig’s bum.
‘Muki’ says the banana and cucumber should be chilled to almost freezing to keep them from wilting in the hot pig’s loins.
If the long pig is slow spit roasted for four or more hours it will not survive the length of the roasting. The meat will be very hot and a good chef will tell you it is best to let it cool for a half hour to forty-five minutes before carving. The long pig can be garnished and used for serving hor d’oeurves during this period.
Barb was cooked over a hotter fire with apple wood and hickory added for flavoring and was still alive when taken from the fire. The guests enjoyed watching her struggle the few inches she could slide on the spit as it certainly looked like she was fucking the wood post in her cunt. The reality is she was futilely trying to escape the heat and the spit.
With less than a half hour left to go on the spit she was given a an injection of Joan Tree’s paralysis potion (don’t worry, it is FDA approved; one woman would have to eat more than half the long pig within an hour of the injection to feel any effects from the drug).
When Barb was taken from the fire and the spit was removed she was laid on a large trayan apple was placed in her mouth.
Some wanted to pose her lewdly…
…but with the spit removed her lungs were not being ventilated and she would soon asphyxiate.
People surround me. Some I even consider friends! Someone holds my head up so I can look down my body. Merle Hill takes a sharp knife an slits open my chest from collarbone to just above my navel. Using some fierce-looking shears he cuts my ribs free from my sternum! He places my breast bone next to me and reaches into my chest and pulls my still beating heart out for me and everyone else to see!!!
My head is laid back onto the tray and I wait for him to cut my heart out. I see a glint of light and something swings down towards my neck. I hear a loud thud.
Before removing Barb’s heart Merle had picked up a huge meat cleaver and with one swift swing he severed her neck. Her spine did not slow the blade and the sound she heard was the blade hitting the butcher block beneath her neck.
I look down at a headless body and realize it is mine. I think this is all finally over…
Tree
…I thought that was a better ending. Yes???
Attachments
LittleSiss
Sorceress
He was in the stables with the little Italian maid ...
Oh! Shit!
Wrong thread!
Figs and Prosciutto, tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! Shit!
Wrong thread!
Figs and Prosciutto, tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad that I am not on the menu!!!
Wait till I get going on the slave rebellion if you think threads get crossed.He was in the stables with the little Italian maid ...
Oh! Shit!
Wrong thread!
Figs and Prosciutto, tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a different story to do and I needed to get away from the 'same old same old' so the 'same old' could be fresh again.
Knocked it out in a few weeks too. That is near Tree's record time!
Thanks for all the comments and likes on a story that doesn't really fit the site...
Tree
...what, Ulrika? Shouldn't I thank Barb???
...what for? Mr. Wu is eating her brains as I type this!!!
LittleSiss
Sorceress
Put a few cubes in that rotgut!!!
And keep your stick on the ice!
Nite! Ulrika ... I'll be home after I lock up.
Last edited:
It WAS different Tree ... the meat was as fresh as the writing, the roast and the manips were hot ,and you pulled the whole thing off in record time. Moreover, it was just plain good fun.
Thanks for a great story to be remembered.
Hope everyone thought I tasted good.
Barb
Hope everyone thought I tasted good.
Barb
"...She is always thinking about herself" thought Sir Despard Wragg...
Strange thing to think about one's entrée.
I think they like to put those some where else.
I will not let anyone cook you.Ah, of course....makes perfect sense Connie (she comes to my rescue as always
)
Hope everyone thought I tasted good.
Barb
I hear it was well enjoyed. After your head and heart were removed and devoured, your arms and calves were fileted and your thighs and rump were cut into steaks. About two-thirds of your ribs were cut out along with the meat, basted, and barbequed for another 30 minutes.
The liver, again considered a delicacy in some circles, was removed and prepared in a skillet with onions and olive oil.
Earlier in the thread some sick bastard asked if the lungs would be done. No, the lungs, digestive tract, and extremities were placed in Barb's hollowed chest cavity and taken to a nearby hog farm and used as feed stock....
T
...must I go into graphic detail about everything???Geeze .... and what happened to my good parts?
I will say Siss had one breast and thought it tasted like hamburger... and she was still hungry after she ate the whole thing...
Tree wasn't there for that part but would think it a safe bet it was Chancellor Despard Wragg...I'll leave it to Siss to snark back at that one.
And who got my "C..." steak?