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When did you realize you were into this kink?

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As for me, I grew up Catholic and had the images of a crucified Jesus rammed down my throat for many years. Even when young, though, I couldn't help but be curious about the scene--Jesus, after all, seemed to be loitering languidly on the cross, perched on his little footrest,
seemingly oblivious to the nails in his hands and feet; how could this possibly be a fatal experience? And why was he wearing a loincloth, but nothing else? Even the crown of thorns didn't seem to be causing him any problems.

I don't know why I was so curious about it--probably because the nuns harped about it so much--but as I grew older I began studying other sources of crucifixion literature and soon realized that the images in the church were, to say the least, highly sanitized and didn't reflect reality. I began wondering what it must be like to be crucified the "right" way, and, incidentally, why would one be allowed to wear a loincloth on the cross if the goal was utter humiliation? Wouldn't total nudity serve that purpose better?

As the teen hormones began kicking in, I realized that I really got off on the idea of crucified nude women. The more I studied the subject, the more fascinated I became, and it was just a matter of time until I started experimenting with self-crucifixion and putting my art skills to work depicting naked women suffering on the cross.

Don't get me wrong: I'm a fifty-five-year-old heterosexual male, with absolutely no interest in ever really hurting anyone this way--I wouldn't harm a moth that flitters about my room at night. But the concept of being nailed to a cross, totally nude, struggling to find a modicum of comfort, aware that people are staring at my naked body, unable to get down, totally at the mercy of those who put me up there--what a rush! And watching a nude woman struggling likewise, her smooth hairless body covered in a sheen of sweat, her breasts jiggling with that motion that only breasts have--oh, man,
I'm in seventh heaven!

When I was in my forties, I lived briefly in California and made the acquaintance of a millionaire who shared the same passions and had organized a "crucifixion club," whose members took turns crucifying others and being crucified. We also experimented with burning at the stake, which sounds more horrendous than it actually was--he had many assistants who made sure things didn't get out of control, and the whole thing was set up using movie techniques and props. It was an intense experience, but no one ever got hurt that I'm aware of--although we all did get extremely uncomfortable at times.

Sadly, he died of natural causes later--he was in his late sixties--his club disbanded, and I moved back to Northern Lower Michigan, where I've continued my self-crucifixions on a solo basis, a practice I continue to do to this day. As an active weightlifter, I'm still in pretty good shape for my age, so I don't think anyone would be repulsed at seeing me on the cross.

I've recently recovered from a scary bout with colon cancer that involved surgery and chemo, but I'm doing better now, and with the return of summer I plan to stage quite a few more crucifixions out in my favorite woods. One thing about cancer, it does get you thinking about the future and the unpredictability of life, and I'm determined to get more active in the things I enjoy--sailing, camping, backpacking, kayaking, bicycling, and, yes, crucifixion. I would like to someday participate again in "social" crucifixions, but I'm not aware of anyone else in my area who shares this passion.

I was really astounded and happy to find the crucifixion sites here on the internet, and happy to discover that many others out there share my interests. There's nothing wrong with our passions, and we're not freaks or perverts--we're sane people exploring a facet of sexuality that appeals to us. Other people do a lot worse things than we do.

Let me hear from you, people!
 
And, oh, yes, as soon as I get my scanner working again, I fully intend to submit my artwork for your perusal and enjoyment!
 
I say, well said!

I think I can relate to your story more than I can to mine... as your wording seems to reflect more experience.
 
Well---- here I am answering the unanswerable. How to describe the whys and wherefores of sexually related turn ons? For me , as with others, the origin is in my Catholic background. But - I think it goes beyond that. The thought of a woman suffering for her femininity has long been a turn on. This is probably an outgrowth of my mid 1050's upbringing. At least in the USA at that time - women were put on a pedestal as "perfect" human beings. The thought of this type of woman being "unmasked" and "exposed" as a sexual being IS AT the core of my fantasy. Her perfect hair hanging in her eyes - skin covered with sweat -- being forced to bear the crossmember over her shoulders - tied to the cross - nipples erect - pussy wet is the ultimate turn on. I really like the idea of this happening in front of a jeering masturbating crowd.
For years - my wife could only fixate on the religious aspects of this type of humiliation. Recently, she has begun to accept the historical viewpoint that it was a Roman - rather than a Catholic ceremony. I am confident that within the next year we will be able to translate this fantasy into reality.
 
Cool! The more members in the club, the better--and I think she'll really enjoy it once she gets past the religious hang-ups. Take some photos when it happens, OK? Share the experience.
 
Well, I see that many others have shared their stories, so I think it`s time to share mine.

I live in Bulgaria, a place where the fetishism doesn`t exist. I live in fear, because if I get caught posting in those forums or viewing crux pictures, I will be considered as a freak. And I`m very affraid of that. I can make what I want only in the middle of the night. For years I`ve consiedered myself a freak-I have no friends, I even get out of my home very rarely. I guess it all started when I was a little boy- I had very unhealthy childhood and I`ve spent about two months a year in hospitals. I guess all these needles and pain finally got through me and here I am with needle fetish. Later it turned into a lethal injection fetish. The gurney for the lethal injection makes a big resembelence with the cross, so I started imagining about naked women on cross. And I`ve finally found these sites. The problem is that I can only view the low-res samples because I can`t pay for the sites like crucified-women.com and passionofagoddess.com. I have the funds, but I can`t use the credit card for this. But I don`t complain actually. I have my fantasy and it`s the most powerful website I have access to. :D
Well, I guess that`s it! I`ve told you my story!
 
ridler said:
The problem is that I can only view the low-res samples because I can`t pay for the sites like crucified-women.com and passionofagoddess.com. I have the funds, but I can`t use the credit card for this.
Hello ridler,
I don't know if you are also registered at cruxfoundation.com. It´s free just like this forum. If you follow both you will over time be able to collect a considerable amount of stuff without signing up for any paysites.
 
or me...raised Catholic, school same....but from early age interested in being a Damsel in DIstress....always the cowgirl captured by the Indians and buond to the stake or the schoolmarm captured by the villain and subjected to a dastardly fate....so progress into extreme play in my later years and including crucifixion is a natrual progression.
I am not a sub....i am a slavegirl....as such i have no choice but to submit and accept whatever treatment/fate my owner/Master/Mistress deciides for me.
regards
hiliary
 
i've been fascinated with bondage and torture since i was a little girl, about 6... but i thought it was just a weird thing about me, when the internet came along in my country during late 90's i stumbled upon some sites (the old hogtied.com and some japanese ones) and became hooked on it... it sort of went downhill from there
 
joannalo42 said:
i've been fascinated with bondage and torture since i was a little girl, about 6... but i thought it was just a weird thing about me, when the internet came along in my country during late 90's i stumbled upon some sites (the old hogtied.com and some japanese ones) and became hooked on it... it sort of went downhill from there

Downhill? I think not.

I woke up to my own crux kink in middle age. The image that kicked said kink awake hangs below.

You are not weird, nor abnormal in any way, shape or form. Your kinks are well within the range of normal human sexual expression. One of these days I'll round up a highfalutin capital-E Expert to confirm that.

In the meantime, trust me. Trust your own heart. And enjoy what you find here.
 
Welcome to both of you! I think a vital part of a forum such as this is getting acquainted with each other's histories, fascinations, and modes of thinking. We all share a common fascination with an interesting line of sexuality, and--as I've been told by a "Capital E Expert"--it's perfectly all right as long as no one gets hurt. And it's not considered a "perversion" by the mental health community--only one of many possible facets of our unique sexuality.

Keep the autobiographies coming in, folks!
 
apostate630 said:
joannalo42 said:
i've been fascinated with bondage and torture since i was a little girl, about 6... but i thought it was just a weird thing about me, when the internet came along in my country during late 90's i stumbled upon some sites (the old hogtied.com and some japanese ones) and became hooked on it... it sort of went downhill from there

Downhill? I think not.

I woke up to my own crux kink in middle age. The image that kicked said kink awake hangs below.

You are not weird, nor abnormal in any way, shape or form. Your kinks are well within the range of normal human sexual expression. One of these days I'll round up a highfalutin capital-E Expert to confirm that.

In the meantime, trust me. Trust your own heart. And enjoy what you find here.

thanks for the encouragement. over here in my country it's really hard to get around with this sort of "yearning" even though, yes, it is known for annual crucufixion reenactments... but you're not supposed to derive sexual pleasure from it... plus i'm what you might call a "full masochist", one who likes pain and humiliation of the really extreme kind... i dunno...
 
joannalo42 said:
apostate630 said:
joannalo42 said:
i've been fascinated with bondage and torture since i was a little girl, about 6... but i thought it was just a weird thing about me, when the internet came along in my country during late 90's i stumbled upon some sites (the old hogtied.com and some japanese ones) and became hooked on it... it sort of went downhill from there

Downhill? I think not.

I woke up to my own crux kink in middle age. The image that kicked said kink awake hangs below.

You are not weird, nor abnormal in any way, shape or form. Your kinks are well within the range of normal human sexual expression. One of these days I'll round up a highfalutin capital-E Expert to confirm that.

In the meantime, trust me. Trust your own heart. And enjoy what you find here.

thanks for the encouragement. over here in my country it's really hard to get around with this sort of "yearning" even though, yes, it is known for annual crucufixion reenactments... but you're not supposed to derive sexual pleasure from it... plus i'm what you might call a "full masochist", one who likes pain and humiliation of the really extreme kind... i dunno...
 
cruci_fier said:
thanks for the encouragement. over here in my country it's really hard to get around with this sort of "yearning" even though, yes, it is known for annual crucufixion reenactments... but you're not supposed to derive sexual pleasure from it... plus i'm what you might call a "full masochist", one who likes pain and humiliation of the really extreme kind... i dunno...
[/quote]

Crucifier, I can't give you advice about how to indulge yourself on your home turf. But as you know there are many web sites that cater to your kinks.

I don't get off on most of their content, but the folks at

http://www.kink.com

would be right up your alley.

Further, if you'd like to browse free content, I recommend

http://www.richards-realm.com/thumbnails/?page=Bondage

http://www.worldsex.com/fetish.html

These have few pop-ups and other irritants.

Fare you well in exploring the nature and limits of your sexuality, dear lady. Take care, be safe, and

Low stress.
 
i've been to those before. they're a nice source of free stuff... i sort of collect those pics for fun
 
Hammerlock said:
As for me, I grew up Catholic and had the images of a crucified Jesus rammed down my throat for many years.
Don't get me wrong: I'm a fifty-five-year-old heterosexual male, with absolutely no interest in ever really hurting anyone this way--I wouldn't harm a moth that flitters about my room at night. But the concept of being nailed to a cross, totally nude, struggling to find a modicum of comfort, aware that people are staring at my naked body, unable to get down, totally at the mercy of those who put me up there--what a rush! And watching a nude woman struggling likewise, her smooth hairless body covered in a sheen of sweat, her breasts jiggling with that motion that only breasts have--oh, man,
I'm in seventh heaven!

When I was in my forties, I lived briefly in California and made the acquaintance of a millionaire who shared the same passions and had organized a "crucifixion club," whose members took turns crucifying others and being crucified. It was an intense experience, but no one ever got hurt that I'm aware of--although we all did get extremely uncomfortable at times.

I was really astounded and happy to find the crucifixion sites here on the internet, and happy to discover that many others out there share my interests. There's nothing wrong with our passions, and we're not freaks or perverts--we're sane people exploring a facet of sexuality that appeals to us. Other people do a lot worse things than we do.

Let me hear from you, people!
I think it's a sort of ultimate adventure -- staring death in the eye. The damsel in distress. The cowboy captured by the bad guys. But, I really, really like the distress, and I just want it to go on. That's why i figured out how to make a more (I can't type this with a straight face) USER FRIENDLY crux. I dunno, it's like we really need more of this sort of thing... Whoever agrees, raise your hand; at a 45 degree angle; pass me that rope first; OK, now the other arm... He, he he... Uh, by the way, the gravity inversion table converted to a crux really works well. Someone from this group is going to give it a good testing session; maybe she'll let me take some pictures for posting, it's up to her.

The thing about cruxing fits the deep unconscious need really well. I've always had feelings about this helpless state, exposed, perhaps outdoors. People call it "erotic" yet I felt this long before puberty, and it was before I ever had an erection, and it had nothing to do, really, with either sex or punishment. Somehow the IDEA is the turn on. (That's why I wanted a crux that could be used longer tan 10-20 minutes, and the inversion table does just that) Personally I identify so much with the victim that it makes no difference whether I am taking it or dishing it out. Both are fine, totally. I find the old testament version also turns me on -- the sacrifice of Isaac. Shorter, not as painful by far but equally inescapable.

There is always the disconnect between imagination and reality when it comes to real pain. At least I thought so -- but not only is it possible to build up to a high level gradually, but what was happening with the Convulsionnaires goes far beyond that, and totally erased that disconnect. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that -- but it was witnessed by too many people, too many times to be a hoax. Not only is the victim feeling the ecstasy and erotic rush in the presence of impossibly extreme physical torture, but feeling it to the greatest amount possible, in actuality, consensually.

I agree with the statement about not harming -- I'm really wondering if this is not going on, without us knowing it can go on, and we, in our ignorance, are consensually choosing to ignore it -- so it is a normal, expected event and nothing really remarkable happens; yet we have this deep feeling and fascination with the extreme pain and to an impossible level in fantasy. Perhaps, deep down, we know it is possible, and something transcendent is waiting to happen, when the time is right, when I admit it can happen, and I let it happen.

(Damn, this is so FRUSTRATING. I know what I want to say, but I can't say it without analyzing it to pieces. But I just know that there is something that laughs at what I am sure it true. And it wants to come out and play. Sometimes I feel like a child that has never seen a computer or stereo or TV, so it never occurs to me to plug it in the wall and THEN turn the knobs... *sigh*)
 
Aaron said:
The thing about cruxing fits the deep unconscious need really well. I've always had feelings about this helpless state, exposed, perhaps outdoors. People call it "erotic" yet I felt this long before puberty, and it was before I ever had an erection, and it had nothing to do, really, with either sex or punishment. Somehow the IDEA is the turn on.

Yeah man. It is sort of a natural turn on, honestly. I'm not masochistic in any sense. I don't get off when harm is done to me either. But the image, or the idyll, of the crucified has always brought to surface the same sort of erotic feeling that I used to get when running around nearly naked outside in pre-pubescence. That sort of really unavoidable nudity, that sort of sense of fate, of selflessness - which excites the body, and there is the psychological paradox. Why is the body turned on then the ego is turned off?
 
Aaron said:
(Damn, this is so FRUSTRATING. I know what I want to say, but I can't say it without analyzing it to pieces. But I just know that there is something that laughs at what I am sure it true. And it wants to come out and play. Sometimes I feel like a child that has never seen a computer or stereo or TV, so it never occurs to me to plug it in the wall and THEN turn the knobs... *sigh*)

You say it pretty doggone well, Aaron. With uncommon eloquence.

For my part this kink is entirely as an observer; I never see myself as the crucified, nor as one of the crucifiers. I'm one of the guys getting a hard-on in the crowd.

In the six years since I woke up to this kink I've been trying to analyze what turns me on about women writhing naked on crosses. I've yet to do so.

I finally stopped trying to analyze. So I told myself, "Self, you get off on women writhing naked on crosses. Deal with it."

And I have.
 
Ever since i was in my early Teens.....(back in the 70's)
Saw a full colour statue of Christ on the Cross outside a Church(where else??), and thought the Loincloth looked quite,"a-hem!!" Sexy....!! Been into it ever since,but i definitely prefer Girls on t'Cross !!;)
Cheers B.
 
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