Continuing on with the scenes of Sabina in prison on the day before her crucifixion, Salonina has finished putting Sabina's hair up for her execution. Now they are sitting in the prison cell talking about what will happen the next day. Sabina wants to talk about it all, so Salonina is trying her best to give her what she needs to hear. It's hard for her to know what to talk about and how best to say it.
Here's part of the conversation:
"But the whipping tomorrow, well, the whip will hit you anywhere from your knees to your shoulders, front or back, and… they want everyone to see what the whip is doing to you, so they won’t let you wear any clothes.” So we were back to that. Was it the humiliation, the feeling of being helpless, or something else? “But they will dress you again afterwards before they make you walk up to the Sessorium.”
Well, maybe they would.
“Now, you’ll have to carry your crosspiece a long way, through the Subura and out the Esquiline gate. You know that. Try not to fall, because they’ll whip you and be rough making you get back on your feet. Keep your eyes on the ground in front of you and take one step at a time until you get to…” I faltered, not wanting to say it.
“The place where they’re going to crucify me,” she said in a trembling voice. “Where I’m going to die.”
As Salonina continues, Sabina falls more and more into despair.
Here's a part of their continuing conversation, describing what Sabina can expect when she's about to be nailed to the cross:
“So,” I said, “you’ll be naked and lying on the ground looking up. There will be men crowded above you and around you, touching you, the executioner and his helpers. Now girl, their hands will be all over you, but you can’t do anything about that.”
“Their hands… my breasts, between my legs?” Her voice quavered.
“They won’t show any respect for your girl parts. They’ll grab you wherever they need to grab to hold you down, and wherever they want to feel. They’re men; they’re going to do that, and they’ll be rough. Breathe deep, try to calm yourself, and let them do what they want.”
“But Salonina, they… the ones they crucify… they always struggle, because they’re so afraid.” Her brow furrowed as she thought about it. “Well, there was one I saw who didn’t, but she, well, she was different. She wasn’t all that afraid, it was more that she was just angry. And at everyone!”
“Aren’t you angry?” I seized on what she had just said. “What about your family, the people you knew back in Pompeii who are all gone? Aren’t you angry that they were taken away like that?”
“Yes, but… it’s just that… oh, I’m so scared!” Her voice trembled as she spoke.
“Let your anger take over,” I said, “let it push your fear out! Be angry at Vulcan for taking everyone you loved away, at the unfairness of life. Be angry at the executioners, at the crowd who have come to see you suffer. You have to let go of your fear, and… you have to let go of yourself, too.
“Let go of myself?” She looked at me, frightened, confused.
“Yes, better for you if you just surrender, because where you’ll be then, well, you walked up there on your own legs and you carried that timber on your shoulder. But from there to the end, you won’t ever take another step, and you won’t use your hands ever again.
“From now on, your body belongs to the executioners, not to you. Try to remember that, try to let go. They will do things to your body so that everyone can see your punishment. But they can’t touch your spirit, the part that is really you.
The conversation progresses until Salonina is talking about how Sabina's hands will be nailed to the cross. What could you say to someone who is about to endure that? Salonina does her best. Note how Sabina has her hands clasped between her legs protectively.
Here's this part of the conversation:
"I keep seeing them over me… doing things to me… in my mind… the nails.” As she spoke, she drew her feet up closer and clasped her hands between her thighs without thinking, as if to protect them.
“You being afraid is what they want,” I said. “When a slave panics and struggles, why that just gives the crowd a better show. Remember what I said before, and focus on your anger! What you want to do is be strong and don’t let yourself panic. All that will do is make it worse for you.
“I- I’ll try… but the nails, my hands… they’ll nail my hands to the cross, and I’ll be helpless!”
Finally, Salonina arrives at the point where she's finished telling Sabina about the nailing and raising. It's too much for Sabina to bear, and she breaks into tears.
This is a part of the conversation at this point:
Now Sabina was sobbing uncontrollably, shaking at the thought of what they were going to do to her tomorrow. But there was no escape. “Oh gods, then I will be crucified...”
“Yes, girl, then you will be crucified,” I replied.
There was nothing else I could do or say to take away the horror of what she was condemned to endure. I sighed and looked at Sabina, this pretty young girl whose life was about to end before it even got started.
“They… they’re going to crucify me,” she sobbed. “They’re going to… to hammer nails through my wrists and my feet… leave me to hang there like that for… days, for days! Everyone watching me…”
Salonina talks about what it is going to be like for Sabina, being crucified and struggling on her cross. Eventually the subject of sediles and cornus comes up, and Sabina gets Salonina to admit that she's going to get a cornu rather than a sedile. She's upset because Julia Lepida is going to do this to her when it wasn't part of her fantasy. Sabina starts shouting and makes enough noise to get Ajax to come see what is going on. Then she angers him enough to make him show her the cornu he has made for her.
I had thought the cornu would look more impressive than that, but
on ne sait jamais. Here's a bit of the conversation at this point:
“Show me the cornu you made for me!” Sabina screamed at him. “You’re so proud of it, bring it here and show me!”
“You’ll see it tomorrow just before you get to feel it,” he growled.
“Coward! Son of a filthy black whore!” She spat the words at him, her face livid. “No, show it to me! Show it to me now! Show me what you big, brave bastards want me to spread my legs for!”
“Sabina, no! You don’t want to do this!” I told her helplessly.
“No, she’s going to see it now,” Ajax said, angry now. He disappeared from the doorway for only a moment, then reappeared and stepped inside of the tiny cell with us.
“You wanted to see it, here it is!” He rumbled angrily as he thrust the thing at us. I shrank back from it, but Sabina, suddenly gone very quiet, stared at it in fascination.
“Here, feel it! Think about how that’s going to feel, sliding right up your tight little ass or your little pink cunnus. You’re up on that cross, it’ll hurt so much, you’ll be glad of anything that might make the pain less. And you’ll curse me just like all the rest, and thank all the gods for the mercy of this cornu, but it’s Ajax you should be thanking!”
This tantrum of Sabina's changed Salonina's mind about her. Slaves couldn't afford the luxury of doing things like that. Salonina describes what happened next:
And with that, Ajax stormed out and slammed the cell door behind him. I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen! The stupidity of it!
I was angry and frightened myself now. With more time in Carbo’s domus, she might have done something even worse than attacking her Domina. This one might have got all of the slaves in the house nailed to crosses, including me. Maybe it was a good thing Sabina was going to the cross now, and by herself.
