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Barb goes BATS

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Ms. Barbara Moore
A Blue State

Dear Ms. Moore,

We are writing to inform that, for the first time in the history of our awards, a story (your “Barb goes BATs”) received all the members’ votes for the Nobel Prize in Literature.

The members and the Select Committee of Five felt that the power of your story was so strong we would overlook the fact that, based on an analysis of your writing, English is obviously not your native language.

In addition to power, your story could have had the most extreme character arc, which, according to Section 98765.874.76554301 of our bylaws, is “pretty important.” As you know, character arc shows how much the protagonist has transformed over the course of the story. Obviously, transforming from an “Energetic Town Slut Fucked by Anyone Who is Able” into an “Inert Small Pile of Ashes” would have been a huge transformation and allowed you to win this category hands down. So, remaining “Energetic Town Slut Fucked by Anyone Who is Able” was an obvious problem in the character arc category.

Despite this, we all felt your story was powerful enough to overcome even this huge deficiency. We were within minutes of making the award official when an attorney, a Mr. @Loinclothslave (for professional reasons, he REALLY needs to consider a name change), who has spent all his waking moments for the last four years reading the By-laws, pointed out a problem. When, thanks to a recent song by someone named ledoux, he determined your work was an autobiography, he referred us to Section 8844789.254788.7747838 which unequivocally states that, “under no circumstance may the Nobel Prize for Literature be given to a ho.”

ho.jpg

So, unfortunately, we cannot grant you the otherwise richly deserved Nobel Prize.

Sincerely,

The Nobel Prize in Literature Select Committee
 
Barbaria1 said:
Stepping forward to address anyone still remaining on the wind and rainswept square, he called out his remembrance of an old decree by the ecclesiastical courts from back in the reign of Edward I, that forebode more than four witches to be burned in a "season" for fear their spirits together would be too powerful and bring a curse on the land!
Click to expand...
Barb, saved by the fine print! Unprecedented!:icon_writing:
 
ledoux said:
View attachment 1049413

Ms. Barbara Moore
A Blue State

Dear Ms. Moore,

We are writing to inform that, for the first time in the history of our awards, a story (your “Barb goes BATs”) received all the members’ votes for the Nobel Prize in Literature.

The members and the Select Committee of Five felt that the power of your story was so strong we would overlook the fact that, based on an analysis of your writing, English is obviously not your native language.

In addition to power, your story could have had the most extreme character arc, which, according to Section 98765.874.76554301 of our bylaws, is “pretty important.” As you know, character arc shows how much the protagonist has transformed over the course of the story. Obviously, transforming from an “Energetic Town Slut Fucked by Anyone Who is Able” into an “Inert Small Pile of Ashes” would have been a huge transformation and allowed you to win this category hands down. So, remaining “Energetic Town Slut Fucked by Anyone Who is Able” was an obvious problem in the character arc category.

Despite this, we all felt your story was powerful enough to overcome even this huge deficiency. We were within minutes of making the award official when an attorney, a Mr. @Loinclothslave (for professional reasons, he REALLY needs to consider a name change), who has spent all his waking moments for the last four years reading the By-laws, pointed out a problem. When, thanks to a recent song by someone named ledoux, he determined your work was an autobiography, he referred us to Section 8844789.254788.7747838 which unequivocally states that, “under no circumstance may the Nobel Prize for Literature be given to a ho.”

View attachment 1049431

So, unfortunately, we cannot grant you the otherwise richly deserved Nobel Prize.

Sincerely,

The Nobel Prize in Literature Select Committee
Click to expand...
Kära Nobel Prize in Literature Select Committee:

85C1F093-7207-44DF-9FD9-869919094A35.jpeg
 
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