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Jedakk: an announcement

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Ramengmawiaaa

Magistrate
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.


Thank you Jedakk for all you've done for the community. Even if we don't share the same passion for crux anymore, I hope you continue to keep in touch with your fellow members here. Hey, life is much more than your fetishes right? There's so much more to be talked about, to explore together, to enjoy together. Best of luck whichever path you choose to go in life.
 

phlebas

PRIMUS POENUS
Staff member
That sounds like a deeply scary experience and I am very glad to hear that you are recovering so well. We were not close friends but we were colleagues at the old Crux group and shared this journey for almost 20 years. Your work will stay with us, as will memories of your deep interest in the mechanics as well as the human side of crucifixion. Thanks for letting us know what happened, and enjoy your retirement.
 

melissa

Administrator
Staff member
I hope you don't feel guilty about a thing. You have enriched people's lives by firing their imagination. This pic and story seems like a lifetime ago... Screen Shot 04-18-18 at 03.06 PM.PNG It's in the archive.
Enjoy your retirement.
 

Apostate

Administrator
Staff member
Two very early Jedakk figures, rendered in Paleolithic Poser, a character he calls Michelle, and I call Michelle la belle.

Because hey, "sont des mots qui vont trés bien ensemble," as M. McCartney put it. ;)
 

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An impressive report of the facts, and impeccably written, as customary for an author like Jedakk.
I discovered the existence of Cruxforum about a year and a half ago thanks to him, because I was searching for his story "Faithful Sayings".
To date it's one of the best stories involving torture I've ever read.
Please pass to him my best wishes for his new life.
 

Piper Marie

Governor
Wow, what a story and situation! I really do not know what to say! I'm sorry to see him go, and I wish him all the best going forward. Now I have to look through the archive to see his works because I really do not think I am familiar with any of them, unless I am and I just don't remember it currently.
 

Eulalia

Poet Laureate
Staff member
I wonder, if @Eulalia can contact Jedakk himself, would she be so kind as to ask him if he's against us passing on his works after he has retired from writing crux? It would do well to respect the wishes of someone that has contributed so much to the community.
That's a fair question, thanks for raising it. I'm making a note of things to tell/ask Jedakk when I contact him to stay on his 'mailing list'.
I do encourage all members who would like to keep in touch with him to send me (or other staff member) a PM,
so you can have his (temporary) email address.
 

Ramengmawiaaa

Magistrate
That's a fair question, thanks for raising it. I'm making a note of things to tell/ask Jedakk when I contact him to stay on his 'mailing list'.
I do encourage all members who would like to keep in touch with him to send me (or other staff member) a PM,
so you can have his (temporary) email address.

Well if he wants a snail mail pal there is a post office which is like three houses away from my hostel and I have lots of postcards and stamps saved up.

I never got to talk to the guy in private nor thank him enough for his works but hey its never too late to start right?
 

Ramengmawiaaa

Magistrate
And speaking of which, there was another girl crucified in that Sabina series. No, not the one where she rode a St Amdrew's cross, but got nailed to a proper cross. I think jedakk made it as a prototype or a test subject but I wonder if anyone has any more of her in a proper crucifixion. I find her much more attractive than Sabina.
 

Naraku

Draconarius
First, I would like to congratulate Jedakk on his remarkable recovery and hope that it continues.

Second, although I do not share his religious convictions, I respect his decision to leave this "community".

Finally, Jedakk will be missed. But, although we will not be graced with new contributions - which is sad - his many past works will remain; especially since nothing posted on the internet ever completely disappears. They may no longer provide him with the pleasure they once did, but they will continue to be enjoyed by us and by those yet to discover his genius.

Jedakk, I wish you good fortune in your future endeavors and, if your feelings should ever change, I think I speak for everyone when I say you will be welcomed back with open arms. A burned bridge can always be rebuilt.
 

Martha Come

Senator
I've received this from Jedakk today, he asks me to make it public here.
I'm sure it will affect others as powerfully as it has me.
And I'm sure we all wish him the very best for his life as he moves on:


I don’t know if anyone missed me the last couple of months, but here’s why I’ve been offline:

Back on February 6, I had an accident in the gym, fell off of a piece of equipment, hit on my face, nearly tore my nose off, hyperextended my neck back and destroyed three discs, seriously injuring my spinal cord. I was totally paralyzed when I came to rest on my back on the floor. All I could do was keep blowing the blood and pieces of teeth out to keep my airway open. I ended up in the ER, had surgery to fix my nose, then two days later they went in and installed a plate on my spine, fusing four discs together. Following that, they put me into a medically-induced coma for two weeks.

They weren’t sure if I’d live. Then I got pneumonia, and they thought I’d probably die. A lot of older folks like me don’t survive that.

While I was in the coma, for some time I felt like a disembodied spirit, looking for the rest of myself so that I could die. And that was ok. I didn’t have any fear of dying. I thought that maybe I’d lived long enough, done so many things that God was ready for me to come home.

It might sound cliché, but I was peaceful, calm, in a space where I was surrounded by light. I sensed that there were others there around me, all drifting upward, no bodies, just brighter lights within the light around us. They were passing through a barrier that I somehow knew marked the boundary between life and death. But when I got there, I couldn’t cross. And I knew it must not be my time yet; I had more to do.

When I came out of the coma and found myself in a physical body, my feeling of disembodiment was so strong that I wasn’t sure at first that it was the right body. The burn scar on the back of my right hand that I’ve had since I was a toddler convinced me that yes, this actually was my own body! That was February 23, and they transferred me to rehabilitation at that point.

I was basically helpless, couldn’t even speak. I was in and out of reality for a few days after that until the fog lifted. I slowly recovered strength, but I had lost thirty pounds. The plan was to release me on March 31 – all the time that insurance would pay for. They started advising us on how to add ramps and wider doors to our house to accommodate the wheelchair I was going to be in when I left. I couldn’t even sit up without something supporting my back.

But as the days passed, I gained back some of my strength. I began to speak, sit up more and more, then was able to stand enough to get from the bed to the wheelchair. Hundreds of people were praying for me, friends came to see me, and I felt truly humbled. It was certainly much more than I ever deserved.

For years, I had known that the time would come when I’d have to walk away from crux. Otherwise, if anyone discovered this side of me after I’m gone, then everything I’ve done, all of the good things I’ve accomplished, would become meaningless. So I became convinced that now was the time.

I made a promise to God that when I got out, whatever shape I was in, I’d walk away from my crux obsession.

My progress was in quantum leaps per day. I regained coordination, was able to stand for longer periods of time, began to shamble around using a walker. Then about March 13, I was able to walk about fifty feet on my own, painfully, but unaided. Two days later I was able to walk for thirty minutes with a walking stick without sitting down. I kept improving and nine days later, on March 22, I walked over 1500 feet in six minutes and could climb flights of stairs. I was discharged on March 24, a week earlier than planned. They said my recovery was spectacular, other patients looked up to me, and they wanted me to come back from time to time and try to encourage others in the program.

A week later, I was told I didn’t need to wear my neck brace any longer. I got out of that a month early. Then I was evaluated for outpatient therapy and told that I didn’t need any more physical or occupational therapy – I already exceeded their goals.

You could make a case that I was in really good shape to begin with, but I feel like a walking miracle.

Whether I made a promise to God, or you consider it a promise to myself, I am convinced that the time has arrived for me to put aside this obsession that has often consumed me for more than fifty years.

There will be no more crux art or stories from me.

I have already gone into my computer and deleted all of the Poser files, 3D models and renders for Sabina, Lucilla, The Serpent’s Eye, Altered States, all of it, along with all of the story files and everything I have collected over the past twenty plus years that I have been online. There’s no going back now. Whatever I’ve posted here will remain here, but there will be no new renders or stories from me.

Obviously, I didn’t have to post this. People disappear from these forums from time to time, and we often never know why; they are simply no longer here. I didn’t want to disappear like that. And I did want to thank everyone here who has supported me and who has enjoyed my work.

There are a lot of good and knowledgeable people here whom I am going to miss. If any of you want to maintain contact with me, please send a PM to one of the Staff members asking for my e-mail address, before the end of May. After that, I’ll notify the people who responded of my new address and close the Jedakk account permanently.

Again, thanks to you all.
Dear Eu, dear poet Eulalia,
thanks for sharing this moving letter. Please pass all my regards to the great Jedakk and tell him that his experience helped me (and, I think, all us) to see Real Life with new eyes. Life, suffering, love, desire, death..... Thanks, dear Jedakk.
 

crumera

Crucifier of Pixels
Jedakk you will be missed.
I hope your decision gives you the ease of mind you search for.
What's there more to say?
Live long and prosper.

Thanks for all
 
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