God's daughter - Chapter 4- Johanna’s suffering and doubts on her cross! (Chapter in two parts)
Review
Previous chapter ended just seconds before the nails were smashed into Johanna’s tender wrists. Johanna of Nazareth’s crucifixion had just begun.
In this chapter, we will follow her pain filled struggle on the cross and her doubts about being divine….
Johanna of Nazareth, ‘God’s daughters’ perspective:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLANG, CLANG, the sound of metal hitting metal!!!!!!!!!!
Me, Johanna of Nazareth feel excruciating pain beyond human comprehension! I look up on the blue sky, screaming and screaming, emptying my lungs! I can’t believe what is happening, men are nailing my wrists to my cross! I am being crucified!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything seems surreal for me. I am lost in another world, a world consisting of pain and horror! I hear the carnifex: shouting ‘Men, get her up on her cross, raise her!’
My blurry mind grasps that my body is being lifted. More pain! I notice how the spectators’ glares at my tortured body and how they shout hateful comments.
I hear somebody screaming: ‘Let’s see how that cornu fit’s this whore’s pussy, ha, ha, ha!!’
The cornu………I had almost forgotten about it…………..
I look at my sides, and I see how two of the carnifex’s assistants hold my thigh’s, positioning my body……….I feel how the cornu invades my sex, centimetre by centimetre…..God’s, all pain but that feels good! I must be very wet since it glides in so easily! Maybe the carnifex had also greased it! Oh!!!!!!!!! This is so strange, my pussy craves the cornu, and the rest of my body is consumed with pain!!!
I hear the sound of a hammer above my head. I am aware of what’s happening in the crucifixion process, it’s my titulus being nailed to the wood. I hear the man standing on a ladder leaning behind my cross exclaiming: ‘Boss, patibulum secured with ropes to the stipes, and this bitch titulus is in place! Now everybody can read what an important Jewish slut that hangs on this cross!’
I then feel that someone has taken hold of my feet, positioning them just under my ass, one foot atop of the other. Oh God, I know what that means…..I grit my teeth…..I hear the carnifex shout: ‘Men, hold her still, don’t fuck up!!!! I feel something sharp on top of one of my feet……..I know what is about to happen………….
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel indescribable pain once more! My whole body convulses, and the carnifex assistants still hold a steady grip at my thighs! Someone else holds a rope around the stipes and my ankles, so my feet are in the right position……. My screaming continues……….
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
My poor feet are being nailed to the stipes!!
My whole body is in shock! The ropes that held my arms tied to my crossbar have been taken away, so now I can do the ‘dance’, the dance of the doomed crucified women….
My pain is beyond human comprehension. My body squirms and twists. On shaking legs, I push my body upwards, making my naked body stand on my newly nailed feet.
In the standing position, I push myself outwards, away from my stipes, making me form a semi-circle.
I cry out from the bottom of my lungs: FATHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!!
I don’t manage to stay more than 30 seconds in the ‘standing’ position, before the pain in my legs overwhelm me, and I slump down into the sitting position. The cornu goes in again in my pussy. My legs are somewhat relived, instead the pain in my arm increases! Help, there is no way of escaping this torture, the torture that is crucifixion! It’s so different from all the times I masturbated with this scenario in my mind!
Suddenly, I temporarily lose consciousness. After a short moment, I wake up again.
What is happening?? Where am I?? I am all blurry, so confused! I feel the pain again.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HELP ME!
Oh God, father, father! HELP! Such excruciating pain! AHHHHH! Father, this must be a mistake, HELP!!
I must have passed out after I stood up on my cross in that semi-circle. I had such a strange dream. Demons dancing around me and my cross! They stimulated my sex………..Ohhhhhhhhhh……..
My God, I still feel sexual stimulation. I feel that I have something inserted in my wet pussy……
Yeah, I remember. The cornu that the carnifex mounted on my cross. I also remember the strange woman that gave me herbs just before I was nailed to my patibulum……. She told me that her herbs would make me climax. That the drugs will make me feel both excruciating pain and some sexual pleasure! Maybe the drugs also explain my dream with demons. (You are wrong sweet Johanna; the demons are real!)
I am fully conscious again. AHHHHHHHHH! Such pain!!!!
My body squirms, my legs and arms are spasmodic……AHHHHHHHHHH, it hurts so much, and my pussy is on fire! What a paradox lust and pain!
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH………………
This can’t be true, I am crucified. Oh, such pain, such pain! OH, its hurt’s so much! Oh God, Oh God, my sweet father in heaven, take me down from this cross! I don’t understand how my death on the cross can redeem mankind! FATHER HELP ME!!! MOTHER HELP ME!
I look at my legs and arms, they are shaking! Blood pours from my wounds, from my nailed wrists and feet. My boobs wobble! All muscles in my body aches!
God, my sweet father in heaven, this can’t be part of your plan! End your daughters suffering. PLEASE GOD! Please let me die now, if you can’t take me down, let me die! End my pain!
Minutes that seems like hours pass……..God is silent, I am still suffering….. I am crucified and alive. Then, I remember, my crucifixion was just moments ago. No hope that death will occur soon….
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I look down on my naked body.
Blood is dripping on my beautiful big breasts that sways with every move I make on my cross. Oh God, my nipples are pointing straight out, and they are rock hard! Maybe the herbs I was given moments before I was nailed to my cross explain this…….the strange woman promised that those herbs will make me come……I hope she didn’t lie. I do feel some fire building up in my pussy, I can feel some contractions…..How can this be!?
I continue and scan the rest of my front through my eyes, glowing with pain. My shapely long legs, my feminine well-rounded hips……My gaze falls on my black hairy bush……My God…I am so wet, so wet, my pussy flows of smelling womanly juices. All this pain, and my pussy is flooding! I am wet as a Roman pool!
Oh God, my clit is stiff! I can’t take this no more, my clit is craving to be touched! That would speed up my pussy contractions. That would ease my pain for a few moments! Oh God, if I could reach my clit with one of my fingers…..a pity that my wrists are nailed to my crossbar…. But I can try and use the tip of my cornu….. I raise myself on my cross. The cornu slips out of my soaking pussy with a slurping sound.
The pain is enormous when I raise myself once more on my cross. Cramps, spasms, and agony! I fall down a little bit, and I target the tip of the horn when I lover my body, making it touch my swollen tender clit. Ohhhhhhhhhh!
I rotate my hips, so that the tip of the horn stimulates my clit. I hear insults and degrading comments from the spectators, especially the priests that got me condemned. I don’t care anymore; I am beyond shame. The only thing that occupies my mind right now is to ease my pain a little by stimulating my clit, to get an orgasm on the cross! I rub my clit faster and faster around the tip of my horn.
My breathing is heavier and heavier……contractions in my pussy……. Suddenly I cry out loud: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I orgasm on my cross! My whole body convulses!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! SO GOOD; SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!
I slump down again on my cross. My cornu goes into my pussy once more with a slurping sound. I feel how my pussy contraction from my orgasm still lingers on. My vaginal contractions embrace the wood of my horn, squeezing it. I am totally exhausted. Tears flows from my eyes. So good, so painful, and so humiliating!! I think I can see my poor mother lowering her head in shame, looking away from me, her naked tortured daughter.
I almost lose consciousness once more, but my ears catch some of the priests and other spectators comments.
I hear: ‘Such a lustful bitch! She can’t be God’s daughter; she is just a horny slut! She is certainly a witch, aligned with the devil himself. Surely, she will fuck the devil in hell tonight! I hear someone else saying: ‘She has no dignity; she is shameless even as she dies on her cross!
I regain consciousness and I try to communicate with God between the moments that pain don’t totally control my body. I start to talk: Heavenly father, since my teens I have known about my destiny, I have known about this day. Pain beyond comprehension, fear, humiliation, and anticipation. It’s all so strange! AHHHHHHHHHH! Another shockwave of pain hit my naked body. I squirm once more on my cross. My thoughts continue:
Oh God, I didn’t expect it to be so hard. This is so embarrassing…… feeling lust while feeling all this pain. Understandable, though. I am a masochist, I was born this way, this is how you God created me. I have dreamed and feared of this day since I was a little girl…. Dreams filled with both fear, anticipation and lust…..but fantasising about being crucified….that is something very different from the painful reality I experience now……..Oh God, Oh God…………
I think of all the times I have masturbated and orgasmed when I fantasised about my upcoming crucifixion. All the times I watched other women of all ages being executed on crosses. How I fingered myself while watching their crucifixions. Watching their naked bodies squirm. Now I hang naked, suffering on my cross! God, oh God, my father in heaven. I have been a bad and sinful daughter, lusting and craving to be crucified! I have been sexually turned on while watching other girls dying on their crosses. It is fair that I pay for my sins by suffering on the cross myself! Forgive me father, please have mercy upon your daughter, please, please ease my pain!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH………another shockwave of pain hit my body! God oh God, your daughter can’t take the pain much longer. Forget my confession, that I deserve to suffer! Save me father! Save me now!!!! I have also been a good daughter, preaching your message!
I notice that God doesn’t act. Once more, I think: can this really be God’s plan, that I must die on this cross? It doesn’t seem logical. To save mankind by dying naked on this cross? Maybe it’s just some kind of bad dream, something a masochistic girl is imagining? Where is God now? He has abandoned me! Maybe after my suffering, there will just eternal darkness?? Oh God, Oh God, what have I done?! Why do I feel so dizzy??
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, more pain! ……………………………..
Until now I have been unaware of the two other women crucified today. I see them, and I hear their screams. The screams and anguished cries are heart breaking! I push my body up on my cross. That’s a painful move, but breathing is easier in this position. My naked body is shaking, my breasts wobble.
I manage to look to my left. I look at her tortured body. I am shocked, as she in a stammering voice starts heckling me!
‘So…….you……are……God’s…….daughter…..Johanna of Nazareth……just a fine father you have, ha, ha, ha!!! Killing his own daughter, allowing her to die naked on a cross! You……are….such a fake Johanna of Nazareth……nothing divine that I can see…….Just a tortured, dying, naked crucified woman…. Come down from your cross!!! Save yourself and us, and I will believe that you are God’s daughter!!!!………
Her words sting my heart like an arrow. My tears intensify and I doubt myself even more. Maybe she is right, maybe I am not divine at all. Maybe I am just a sex obsessed masochist girl……. My father is not answering my prayers, he has abandoned his crucified naked daughter! Maybe the crucified slave woman is right…..Oh God, what have I done!
I shouldn’t have made that protest outside the temple. Stupid me! I bang the back of my head against my cross! Aiiiiiiiii!!!! That only made that the thorns in my ‘crown’ scratched my head………
I sink down on my cross once more, I rest my pussy on my cornu. Exhaling is very hard in this position. I panic, I start to suffocate, and I make a painful move upwards on my cross once more. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Such pain. Please father, haven’t I suffered enough, let me die!!! I panic, God still doesn’t answer………..HELP!!!!!!!!!
I hear a faint voice from the woman crucified on my right side. I look towards her. She is beautiful, despite the rivulets of blood that covers her sexy body. I listen to her: ‘Johanna, I am Kathy of Jerusalem….I have listened to your sermons…..I believe in you……Ahhhhhhhhhhh………pain interrupts her talking…..she speaks again…………’Johanna, think of me when you reach your reign’…I regret my wrong doings……you are a light in this cruel word’……
My mind is confused when I hear Kathy’s words……someone likes me and believes in me! I manage to say a few words myself, despite my constant pain: ‘Kathy, today we will be together in paradise. I love you’!
I notice that Kathy for a few seconds smiles at me, and I smile back. I am no longer sure if I can make promises about paradise, I doubt that I am divine. But if I can comfort this fellow crux sister, why not? My doubts continue: If I am God’s daughter, why do I have to endure all this pain and humiliation? I gather some strength and push my naked body up on my cross yet another time. I cry out as loud as I can, while my naked body twists and my blood-stained breasts wobble:
‘FATHER, FATHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!! TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!’
END PART 1 CHAPTER 4 CONTINUES IN NEXT POST