Limericks

[montycrusto]

I wonder what makes the mods think
That this site doesn’t stand on the brink
Of utter disaster
At the hands of a master
Of chaos (or “mistress”, wink wink!)

 

[montycrusto]

When cast as the new Joan of Arc,
Barb said “it’s a walk in the park!
I get tied to a stake,
Have a bit of a bake,
Then I’m Barbecued Moore, what a lark!”

 

[montycrusto]

Barb’s fame as a cruxette grew bigger*
So they brought out a Barb Action Figure,
Dressed as Joan of Arc
Which was a bit dark,
Called “The Barbecue-Barb-Barbie” (snigger).

* thanks to all the amazing limericks of course

 

[montycrusto]

This remarkable doll is fantastic,
Its spreadable limbs are elastic.
From her tight little hips
To her tumescent nips,
It’s all rendered in durable plastic.

 

[montycrusto]

But whatever you do, there’s one thing
To avoid: don’t pull on the ring
In its back, for it speaks
And will go on for weeks
Saying “Stop it!” and “Hands off my string!”

 

[montycrusto]

Another remarkable toy,
Is the “Crash-Site Barbie”, what joy!
With malwares and modem
To help you upload ‘em
There’s no site it cannot destroy!

 

[twonines]

Barb`s now fully aware of it,
There`s a particular kind of Brit.
Of emotion devoid,
(It`s viewed with sang froid)
And a certain sardonic wit.

 

[montycrusto]

Barb`s now fully aware of it,
There`s a particular kind of Brit.
Of emotion devoid,
(It`s viewed with sand froid)
And a certain sardonic wit.

Barb’s constantly saying “Oh shit!
Those Brits and their sardonic wit!
Their humour’s so brittle
It hurts my tight little
Until I can barely sit!”

 

[twonines]

With what fervour, Monty has striven,
With lust for Barb, he is driven.
Each message sent,
Confirms his intent,
That her tight little is bound to be riven.

 

[montycrusto]

“Riesling Barbie”, another toy line,
Includes tiny bottles of wine.
It’s nipples tumesce,
And it says “yes yes!
But not the tight little, that’s mine!”

 

[twonines]

Barb still continues to be assailed,
Our inventiveness, as yet, hasn`t failed.
Assaulted in verse,
What could be worse?
Well, she could be hung and impaled.

 

[montycrusto]

But the best selling toy by some way
Is “Cruxette Barbie”, I’d say.
With whip, cross and nails
The toy never fails
To keep one engrossed all day.

 

[twonines]

Barb is partial to Riesling, that`s true,
But not to a Nun that is Blue.
She has a fixation,
With cruel flagellation,
But then, so many people do

 

[twonines]

I`m not sure what it is you enjoy,
Having Barb as a small toy.
What`s between her thighs,
I prefer in full size.
Just think of that, boy, oh, boy.

 

[montycrusto]

“Galley-slave Barbie” I’ll mention,
It’s a rather erotic invention,
And pretty hard core,
Includes whips and an oar,
And a bench you can chain the nude wench on.

 

[twonines]

Let`s hope Barb enjoys her breakfast feast,
Though sometimes to her you`re a beast.
Have we done enough,
When she reads all this stuff,
To raise a titter at least.

 

[montycrusto]

I`m not sure what it is you enjoy,
Having Barb as a small toy.
What`s between her thighs,
I prefer in full size.
Just think of that, boy, oh, boy.

Blame @Praefectus Praetorio ,
Who lately a picture did show,
Which most strongly whiffed
Of Jonathan Swift,
So I thought “Tiny Barb? Yes, let’s go!”

 

[montycrusto]

Let`s hope Barb enjoys her breakfast feast,
Though sometimes to her you`re a beast.
Have we done enough,
When she reads all this stuff,
To raise a titter at least.

If she chokes on her cappucino,
I will say “well it wasn’t me, no.
It was all @twonines
Recycling some lines
He once read in a copy of Beano”

 

[twonines]

It`s strikingly plain to see,
At breakfast, Barb only drinks tea.
In the verse, Beano is handy,
In fact I only read Dandy,
So you cannot blame it on me.

 

[montycrusto]

It`s strikingly plain to see,
At breakfast, Barb only drinks tea.
In the verse, Beano is handy,
In fact I only read Dandy,
So you cannot blame it on me.

Tea, served in finest bone china,
At breakfast there’s just nothing finer.
I can picture our Barb
In some slinky silk garb
Sipping tea while she rubs her..
(Couldn’t think of a rhyme for “China” and “finer”)