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Regina Servorum
"Welcome back to Her Majesty's Prison England. This is your third stay, and your minimum sentence this time is until Easter. You know the routine by now - strip, stand in line and wait for your public cavity search."
 

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hey, easy on the hate speech FSG, I am a fully paid-up card-carrying wishy-washy liberal snowflake! :p
(I believe wishy-washy snowflake liberalism should be mercilessly imposed with an iron fist!) :rolleyes:
Monty trades in parenthetical contradictions. :rolleyes:
 
Sex between inmates is bad for discipline and excessive long-term masturbation is highly detrimental to mental health. Both are strictly forbidden at HM Prison England.

Any inmates who are caught breaking either of these rules are dealt with severely, without any warnings or second chances. First a 30-stroke strapping in front of the assembled prison population.

Then they are fitted with a medically approved device to keep them chaste for the rest of their sentence.
 

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