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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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Yes, this afternoon, had to drive all the way back home to find I'd dropped it in the garage :facepalm:
I keep a spare plain cloth one in the center console compartment of both my car and my mother's, which I drive a lot. I had to use the one in my car a few months ago when I got to work and realized I forgot to pick one up off the dresser.
Let this be a lesson. Don't keep your Super Glue on the same shelf as your butt plug lube.
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That reminds me of an old joke that went something like this:
First woman: I think my husband is planning to cheat on me on his business trip.
Second woman: Why do you think that?
First: I went to put some socks in his suitcase before he left and I found a tube of KY Jelly tucked in the bottom.
Second: Oh dear. Did you confront him?
First: No. I just emptied out the lube and filled the tube with Superglue.




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Staff member
I do like that last one.
More epic fails



Stumbling Seeker
How did she do that!???

Speaking of incredible accomplishments of our cruxgirls:
View attachment 944176
and when she gets sentenced to the cross?
She'll ask for a set of extra heavy nails and she'll toss them up high in the air and while they're still going up she' ll lie down on the wooden beams and when they come down they'll all go tok-chok-tok in the right places.
(and that is of course how people with such exceptional talents solve the problem of "I can't put in the last nail!")

Praefectus Praetorio

Brother of the Quill
George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked
to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best,
and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."
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