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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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Ted Parry

Governor
Huge traffic hold up on the main route into Moscow ... After about an hour a guy is seen walking down the line of cars, chatting to the drivers and moving on ...
He knocks on the window ...
"What's the problem comrade we haven't moved for ages"
"Rebels have attacked the presidents convoy, captured him and are demanding 1 Million Roubles or they are going to drench him in petrol and light him up"...
"We're collecting donations to help Putin ... will you help"
"Sure ... what are most people giving" ?
"About a gallon "
 

melissa

Administrator
Staff member
.Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.......A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 

melissa

Administrator
Staff member
This one was probably made up by Monty..
And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!
 

Naraku

Draconarius
Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa – half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe – well developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain – very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece – gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain – with a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel – has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada – cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet – wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages … an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a man:

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran – ruled by a couple of nuts.
 

Loxuru

Graf von Kreuzigung
Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa – half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe – well developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain – very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece – gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain – with a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel – has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada – cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet – wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages … an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Geography of a man:

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran – ruled by a couple of nuts.
Alternative version ::angel2:

Between 18 and 25 : women are like Africa : wild and half unexplored.

Between 25 and 35 : like the USA : well developed and open to trade with someone with cash.

Between 35 and 45 like Asia : hot and mysterious.

Between 45 and 55 : like France; got invaded a few times, but still very pretty and attractive.

Between 55 and 65: like Germany; lost 2 wars but learned from mistakes and is still there

Between 65 and 75 : like Russia : too wide and distant and too cold climate to go there

After 75 : she's like Britain : great past, no future.


(I agree with man's geography, altough it fits almost any country):devil::facepalm:
 
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