• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

Now This Just Isn't Funny

Go to CruxDreams.com
As one who is happily retired in the South:
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North

FLORIDA
“A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”
The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

GEORGIA
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

LOUISIANA
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.

LOUISIANA
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

SOUTH CAROLINA
A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

TENNESSEE
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

TEXAS
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”
 
Uplifting and humorous thoughts
unnamed (5).jpg
Be responsible
unnamed (6).jpg
Why the Irish are so fair-skinned
unnamed (8).jpg
I'm mostly tolerant
unnamed (12).jpg
I trained as a scientist. But more and more, I've come to believe
unnamed (14).jpg
It all comes down to one simple fact:
unnamed (21).jpg
 
very bunny - I had to explain this one to my other half
140214624_3698857970221141_838920724298279821_n.jpg

groan (grown)
139118043_10221155671213639_4076404538175605369_n.jpg
 
OK here's one that nobody saw coming (if you'll forgive the expression) :D

For those not in the know, has-been actress Gwyneth Paltrow now runs a company selling, among other overpriced crap, a scented candle with the wonderful title of "This Smells Like My Vagina" (Which apparently it doesn't, which is probably a good thing, given that she doesn't believe in personal hygeine, considering it to be "unhealthy" and "disempowering" - yeah right)

Seriously, Hollywood is just SUCH a freakshow. This is what happens when you give talentless people too much money, too much cocaine and remove all their self-awareness:eek:

Anyway here's an opportunity to poke even more fun at her;
 
OK here's one that nobody saw coming (if you'll forgive the expression) :D

For those not in the know, has-been actress Gwyneth Paltrow now runs a company selling, among other overpriced crap, a scented candle with the wonderful title of "This Smells Like My Vagina" (Which apparently it doesn't, which is probably a good thing, given that she doesn't believe in personal hygeine, considering it to be "unhealthy" and "disempowering" - yeah right)

Seriously, Hollywood is just SUCH a freakshow. This is what happens when you give talentless people too much money, too much cocaine and remove all their self-awareness:eek:

Anyway here's an opportunity to poke even more fun at her;
Speaking for defence: Goopy Gwinnie sorta puts people in merciless fire peril -- with her vagina. :firedevil:
 
OK here's one that nobody saw coming (if you'll forgive the expression) :D

For those not in the know, has-been actress Gwyneth Paltrow now runs a company selling, among other overpriced crap, a scented candle with the wonderful title of "This Smells Like My Vagina" (Which apparently it doesn't, which is probably a good thing, given that she doesn't believe in personal hygeine, considering it to be "unhealthy" and "disempowering" - yeah right)

Seriously, Hollywood is just SUCH a freakshow. This is what happens when you give talentless people too much money, too much cocaine and remove all their self-awareness:eek:

Anyway here's an opportunity to poke even more fun at her;
It is not overpriced, did she not produce every candle hand-made (or vagina-made)?candle1.jpgamp.9.jpg
 
OK here's one that nobody saw coming (if you'll forgive the expression) :D

For those not in the know, has-been actress Gwyneth Paltrow now runs a company selling, among other overpriced crap, a scented candle with the wonderful title of "This Smells Like My Vagina" (Which apparently it doesn't, which is probably a good thing, given that she doesn't believe in personal hygeine, considering it to be "unhealthy" and "disempowering" - yeah right)

Seriously, Hollywood is just SUCH a freakshow. This is what happens when you give talentless people too much money, too much cocaine and remove all their self-awareness:eek:

Anyway here's an opportunity to poke even more fun at her;
oho someone was have kfc taste smell candles? :oops: :cat: :conejo: :mouse:
 
OK here's one that nobody saw coming (if you'll forgive the expression) :D

For those not in the know, has-been actress Gwyneth Paltrow now runs a company selling, among other overpriced crap, a scented candle with the wonderful title of "This Smells Like My Vagina" (Which apparently it doesn't, which is probably a good thing, given that she doesn't believe in personal hygeine, considering it to be "unhealthy" and "disempowering" - yeah right)

Seriously, Hollywood is just SUCH a freakshow. This is what happens when you give talentless people too much money, too much cocaine and remove all their self-awareness:eek:

Anyway here's an opportunity to poke even more fun at her;
Late night comic Stephen Colbert's take on Gwyneth:
 
Some random quirks
Humans are strange
IMG_1890.jpeg
When hiring help around the house
IMG_1893.JPG
I think there's a message here; but I can't help being distracted by wanting to f**k her
unnamed (1).png
I want to spread the love, but
unnamed (9).jpg
To those gals on a budget:
unnamed (13).jpg
Me. This afternoon
unnamed (18).jpg
 
Back
Top Bottom