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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.
About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!"
She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!"
He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of."
The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can’t believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service."
He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so she stayed in the car.
Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe.
As the congregation filed out of the church, some of he members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window.
One of them said, "Wow! you just missed the best sermon your husband has EVER given!"
She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he’s only tried it twice in his life! "Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both
 
A blind man enters a woman’s bar.
After ordering a drink and sitting for a while, he shouts : “Does anyone want to hear a joke about a blonde girl!?”
Silence falls.
A woman approaches the man and says, with a menacing voice :
“Sir, before you tell that joke, you have to know five things :
One : the woman behind the bar is a blonde, and she has a baseball bat under the counter, for eventualities!
Two : the bouncer is a blonde too!
Three : I am a blonde and I have a black karate belt!
Four : my companion here, she is a blonde too, 1m90 tall and she does wrestling!
Five : the blonde woman at your other side weighs 100 kilos and is a professional weightlifter!
So! Do you still want to tell that joke, Sir!?”
The man answers : “No, considering I would have to explain it five times!”
 
The farmer thought his rooster was getting too old to properly perform his duties in the henhouse, so he bought a young, healthy rooster and puts him out in the yard. The old rooster says: "So, you think you are going to take away my job? First, you have to beat me in a foot race. Since I am so much older than you, give me a head start." The young rooster gives him a 5-second lead and starts running, expecting to pass the old rooster quickly. To his surprise, the old one is pretty fast, but he is gaining on him. Then the farmer comes out the back door with a shotgun and blows the young rooster away, muttering to himself: "That's the third rooster I have bought this week that prefers roosters instead of chickens!"
 
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