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Who's invented it?

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Loxuru said:
One of the running jokes in 'Asterix and the Helvetians' is, that the Helvetians, the ancient Swiss, are obsessed with keeping everything clean. So, I assume that, whoever who gets crudified there, be it a crux girl or captured Romans, it will be on a very clean cross!:rolleyes:
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At least the whip was cleaned in one scene, where the swiss says: "You can not yet whip, it is not yet dry...."

But for the clean cross, we have to take an Austrian product. But not only the fresh whip, there will be enema before the cornu, the sterile nails, the cross which is painted in water resistant paint, and all the edges are flattened. The later is no joke: My father was carpenter and he flattened or rounded all edges with sandpaper. And also in such crude things as guns, in the swiss ones you will not find one edge! American rifles you immediately recognise by just touching an edge. The same with airplanes. When Switzerland bought the F-5E Tiger II, I was told that the mechanics got shocked by seeing that the edges were not sandpapered and even the ones were cables are passing..... Silly and I guess that famous crucifixion in Palestine will also be done without any quality control!

kaercher-outdoor.jpg Tiger-5.jpg
 
If I understand well, this is how a Swiss crucifixion works : in the morning, the condemned get a last meal of muesli to eat. Afterwards, they get an enema. Whipping only with clean (and dry) whips. Whipping posts without edges, since all are sand papered. Crosses either, with smooth, painted surfaces, well cleaned after every use. So, neither wood splinters that might get stuck in the back or the butt of the condemned. No remnants (and smell) of blood or other bodily fluids from the previous user. Sterile nails, sterile and clean cornu too. What else!? Product placement for Swiss made or Swiss invented goods? Crucified get LSD to ease their pain and experience an exciting time on their cross? On a Swiss clock, they can see with precision, how long they are already crucified? The crucified are meanwhile entertained (or tortured, depending on cultural preferences), by a performance of the local Alpine horn players.:confused:
 
Loxuru said:
If I understand well, this is how a Swiss crucifixion works : in the morning, the condemned get a last meal of muesli to eat. Afterwards, they get an enema. Whipping only with clean (and dry) whips. Whipping posts without edges, since all are sand papered. Crosses either, with smooth, painted surfaces, well cleaned after every use. So, neither wood splinters that might get stuck in the back or the butt of the condemned. No remnants (and smell) of blood or other bodily fluids from the previous user. Sterile nails, sterile and clean cornu too. What else!? Product placement for Swiss made or Swiss invented goods? Crucified get LSD to ease their pain and experience an exciting time on their cross? On a Swiss clock, they can see with precision, how long they are already crucified? The crucified are meanwhile entertained (or tortured, depending on cultural preferences), by a performance of the local Alpine horn players.:confused:
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The most important you forgot: The crucified had to pay a small fee, for the costs. You can choose your crucifixion music, most choose: "Aes für vo de Sehnsucht", with Francine Jordi and a local chorus:

 
Eulalia said:
The worrying thing is that, being exposed to the Alpine air causes Swiss cheese to have holes.
Will that happen to me on my cross?

View attachment 999406
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There is a commercial for ovomaltine (chocolate in milk) which states: "With Ovomaltine you can not do better, but longer." So this will be for the whipping and the crucifixion. So together with the healthy air of Switzerland, you will stay much longer exposed nude on the cross, than on any other place. So you know what to do, the next time you make holidays in Switzerland, for skiing and crucifying. I am looking forward to drink an Ovomaltine with that and see you naked on the cross,

tumblr_inline_n1s1tayiif1sq3a56.jpg
 
dfg42 said:
There is a commercial for ovomaltine (chocolate in milk) which states: "With Ovomaltine you can not do better, but longer." So this will be for the whipping and the crucifixion. So together with the healthy air of Switzerland, you will stay much longer exposed nude on the cross, than on any other place. So you know what to do, the next time you make holidays in Switzerland, for skiing and crucifying. I am looking forward to drink an Ovomaltine with that and see you naked on the cross,

View attachment 999575
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Oooh, we have a twice delayed trip to Austria - is there still time to order a crucifixion package, and can my mistress wife include horse riding instead of skiing since it will be summer?

Also is the longer whipping and longer death in agony guaranteed? Asking for a friend...
 
Loinclothslave1 said:
Oooh, we have a twice delayed trip to Austria - is there still time to order a crucifixion package, and can my mistress wife include horse riding instead of skiing since it will be summer?

Also is the longer whipping and longer death in agony guaranteed? Asking for a friend...
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I have not yet found that offer on our official site, so they should update!

www.myswitzerland.com

Switzerland Travel & Vacation | Switzerland Tourism

Discover Switzerland and get tips where to go and what to do. From people who need to know, real Switzerland experts from Switzerland Tourism, the national tourism organization.
www.myswitzerland.com www.myswitzerland.com
 
dfg42 said:
I have not yet found that offer on our official site, so they should update!

www.myswitzerland.com

Switzerland Travel & Vacation | Switzerland Tourism

Discover Switzerland and get tips where to go and what to do. From people who need to know, real Switzerland experts from Switzerland Tourism, the national tourism organization.
www.myswitzerland.com www.myswitzerland.com
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Why am I here? I was relying on your insider knowledge! I’m not angry, just disappointed! :sad: :(

Maybe it is delayed due to the unmentionable but once that’s done with they will accept new applicants? :eek:
 
dfg42 said:
There is a commercial for ovomaltine (chocolate in milk) which states: "With Ovomaltine you can not do better, but longer." So this will be for the whipping and the crucifixion. So together with the healthy air of Switzerland, you will stay much longer exposed nude on the cross, than on any other place. So you know what to do, the next time you make holidays in Switzerland, for skiing and crucifying. I am looking forward to drink an Ovomaltine with that and see you naked on the cross,
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Has the Swiss government recently introduced crucifiable crimes? Like frauding with the motorway vignette? Do not tempt us, or we'll be there!:rolleyes:

Years ago, I posted a story, 'Alpine Glow' (Alpenglühn), set in the Alps, about a couple that took a shortcut along a forbidden road. They took the consequences on the spot. But is was set in Austria, actually.

No Trespassing!

The last two years, I wrote some short stories, around the theme of 'no trespassing'. The subject refers to all means of trespassing : of territory and borders, of laws and regulations, but also of social or moral conventions or of the privileges and pretensions of the powers that be. No need...
cruxforums.com
 
Loxuru said:
Has the Swiss government recently introduced crucifiable crimes? Like frauding with the motorway vignette? Do not tempt us, or we'll be there!:rolleyes:

Years ago, I posted a story, 'Alpine Glow' (Alpenglühn), set in the Alps, about a couple that took a shortcut along a forbidden road. They took the consequences on the spot. But is was set in Austria, actually.
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Will look, actually Austria has many nice holiday resorts, I spent beautiful times in Vienna, but also in the Alps near Innsbruck.
 
Loxuru said:
Has the Swiss government recently introduced crucifiable crimes? Like frauding with the motorway vignette? Do not tempt us, or we'll be there!:rolleyes:

Years ago, I posted a story, 'Alpine Glow' (Alpenglühn), set in the Alps, about a couple that took a shortcut along a forbidden road. They took the consequences on the spot. But is was set in Austria, actually.

No Trespassing!

The last two years, I wrote some short stories, around the theme of 'no trespassing'. The subject refers to all means of trespassing : of territory and borders, of laws and regulations, but also of social or moral conventions or of the privileges and pretensions of the powers that be. No need...
cruxforums.com
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I read your story quite recently (I loved it, maybe didn’t comment to avoid threadnomancy, can’t remember) and thought it was great.

Since @dfg42 has been so disappointing, any chance you can tell me the location of that hotel and village? I won’t buy a crucifix at the pass... :)
 
Loinclothslave1 said:
I read your story quite recently (I loved it, maybe didn’t comment to avoid threadnomancy, can’t remember) and thought it was great.

Since @dfg42 has been so disappointing, any chance you can tell me the location of that hotel and village? I won’t buy a crucifix at the pass... :)
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I am afraid, I have t disappoint you about the exact location! See it as a quest, to a beautiful valley, deep in the core of the Austrian Alps! The people are very friendly and welcoming, but do not break the rules.
Although it is said, it is a breathtaking experience, to get crucified naked amidst the majestic Alps (loincloths are not permitted, if that would disappoint you either)!
So, the day I find it, I will neither buy a crucifix!;)
(perhaps a good location for the next CF convention; let's hope they have a good stock of crucifixion wood).:rolleyes:
 
By the way, there are several satires from Ephraim Kishon about his "adventures" with Swiss cleanliness and his problems with it.

When he once threw a Swiss chocolate aluminium paper - or something similar - out of the window of a Swiss train, this train made an immediate emergency stop, so he could take back his lost "baggage" and he had to pretend to be very thankful to the attentive train driver that nothing severe happened to his lost aluminium paper.

In another story, he mentions that the monkeys in the Swiss zoos need a "psychological assisted living advisor" because they are constantly depressed by never finding any lice or fleas when they are delousing each other's furs.

Oh yes, life in Switzerland can be hard for someone from abroad - even we Germans are thinking about the Swiss cleanliness that this must be something "supernatural" and even our German universities are collecting stories from Ephraim Kishon and other satirists as preparation for voyagers who might once visit this "supernatural clean Switzerland" (and as an example how clean Germany could be if we Germans only were as perfect as the Swiss already are) :

 
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dfg42 said:
There is a commercial for ovomaltine (chocolate in milk) which states: "With Ovomaltine you can not do better, but longer." So this will be for the whipping and the crucifixion. So together with the healthy air of Switzerland, you will stay much longer exposed nude on the cross, than on any other place. So you know what to do, the next time you make holidays in Switzerland, for skiing and crucifying. I am looking forward to drink an Ovomaltine with that and see you naked on the cross,

View attachment 999575
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Any relationship to Ovaltine? I drank lots of that as a kid, sometimes the plain version but more likely the chocolate stuff. Yum!
iu.jpeg
 
poem21045 said:
Any relationship to Ovaltine? I drank lots of that as a kid, sometimes the plain version but more likely the chocolate stuff. Yum!
View attachment 999840
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looks similarly....... probably a copyright violation.... that call for c......

Ovomaltine – produced by Wander | Drupal

Ovomaltine is probably the most well-known brand in Wander’s portfolio. One of the 20 most popular labels in Switzerland, this pioneering brand was founded by Alfred Wander over a century ago in 1904. Want to know more? Visit the Website.
www.wander.ch www.wander.ch

they insist of having a lot of vitamins and other good stuff. The traditional product is chocolate powder to add to milk, now they have a lot of different products. I like the solid one, like normal chocolate and already with milk in a bottle to carry with you while you walk with the dog. Btw in the coming story there will be also a dog. called Wikwik, a combination of the dogs I knew and the one a celt would have:

Wikwik

wikwik.jpg



other characters, Divico, a naturist celt warrior 10 German females and 4000 crucified romans.....
 
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