April 6, 1951 MASH 4078th, Wo-on-Krux, Korea
Memo to: Self
From: Brigadier General P. Praetorio, Judge Advocate General's Corps, United States Army
Given some of the Issues raised by this matter, I believe it vital to maintain a confidential written record of the events for later use.
God, what a hell-hole! It doesn’t help that I’ve spent the last 53 hours crammed into cold, hard transport planes or shuffling through ugly air bases! The drive from Korea HQ was the worst. You’d think they could provide better accommodations of a general officer! It was terrible.
Until I arrived here and found it worse.
First Sergeant Helmut Connoisseurs asked permission to find his wartime comrade, Staff Sergeant Adolf Loxuru in the motor pool. I readily agreed since much more can be learned from a friendly non-com, than from up-tight officers.
I went to present myself to the post commander. Hovering at the edges of the tent was a ratty little corporal who introduced himself as “Racing” Rodent. (Very Strange). As he went inside, he said he would inform Colonel Phlebas of my arrival.
Phlebas! I hadn’t even looked at the name of the commander until now. But that name! There couldn’t be too many around with that.
Corporal Rodent ushered me in. There, in the uniform of an Australian Lieutenant Colonel was my old Frat brother, Oliver Phlebas! We both grinned and saluted before grasping each other with the old Φ Θ Β handshake! We soon were sitting on his camp chairs, sipping decent Australian rum, Bundaberg, with a damn polar bear on the label, and reminiscing about the days when he and I were students at XXX University. For the life of us, neither could remember what those damn Greek letters meant in Greek. But we both immediately came up with the translation the Fraternity brothers used: Fuck Those Bitches.
Once I was relaxed and starting on my second glass, I said, “Tell me, Ollie, what the heck is going on with this Second Lieutenant Moore?”
Praetorio, you old bastard! What brings you to Korea?
Moore, eh?
Mate, I'll tell you, she shows a shit load of promise, with a tight little to die for, but she just won't relaaaaax! She strides around citing regulations and rules, instead of going with the flow. Don't get me wrong, she's provided us with a lot of entertainment over the last few days and I really hoped that the Roman orgy err party we had would melt those inhibitions. Then I thought a good thorough physical exam at the hands of Captain Tree would do the trick and get her in line, but instead she decked Tree and she's in the pokey on charges. Yes, I know, he deserved it but that's not the point! On top of that she's obviously been going behind my back and now you're here.
What do you think? A mock court martial? That could be a lot of fun and knock her into line. We can make her believe that flogging is still on the books! Image, that tight little bare and wiggling right in front of you and the whole camp!
C'mon, for old times' sake!
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