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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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After being married for 25 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her carefully, then said, 'You are A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.'
'What does that mean?' she asked suspiciously.
He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!'
She beamed at him happily and said: 'Oh, that's so lovely! But what about I, J and K?'
'I'm Just Kidding!'
(The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his genitals).

Maybe I'm a sad case, but I could say that and not be kidding (25 years this year, but we might not be able to go anywhere to celebrate)

ok, I haven't seen this in my local supermarket but you never know
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Paris is a beautiful place but it must be hard not having a backyard at this difficult time
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Being unemployed now like many others because of this ... (self-censored German expression, impossible to translate) ... coronavirus, I and many of us Germans must admit - gnashing our teeth, because many of us do not really like her - that our chancellor Angela Merkel was correct in her almost scientific predictions about this disease and she is doing her job really acceptable and with efficiency, if not to say "good".

She also warned us very convincing in the most expressive manner, she is able to show.

Explanation: If you are not German, you will have to know that Queen Elisabeth II and Mrs Merkel have something in common: Both are probably the cold-bloodest and most self-controlled two women on this planet.
For example, Angela Merkel has one standard position with her hands, the so-called "Merkel-Raute" to calm down every sign of emotions in her and even in her adversaries:

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There have already been lots of psychological and satirical articles about this way to hold her hands all times, even the "Economist" interpreted how she is always holding her hands as a magical and dangerous ring: "One ring to rule them all ... !"


Even her political enemies try to warn of this magic ("Mutti" is the German word for a rather superior "mum"):

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Only once during the whole German history, Angela Merkel lost her magic ring for some minutes and therefore her self-control:

Ashampoo_Snap_2020.04.03_20h00m07s_004_.jpg It was 2014: Germany wins the famous soccer game against Brazil 7 : 1. Ashampoo_Snap_2020.04.03_20h02m06s_005_.jpg


Now, you can possibly imagine how extremely shocked we Germans must have been, when Angela Merkel held her very first "unprepared" TV speech to the German nation, talking on 18th of March about the future of Germany and the coronavirus, opening her hands like this right at the beginning of her speech, which is said to have been one of the best of her life:

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Some Germans got into a status of shock which they did not leave until today because they saw for the first time in their lifetimes, that Angela Merkel opened her hands as if she would like to hug all Germans.

This was the moment, when we Germans knew that really hard times are ahead of us and we will have to prepare for a new kind of war, although this word was not mentioned as far as I remember.

In any case, you should not be surprised if the German national flag will one day soon look like this and you will now know why:

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Silent -You are a hard act to follow, especially on a thread dedicated to humor, often obscene, scatological, blasphemous, and most often pornographic, humor. However, with more guts than brains, I will try.
Kids!
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To my special love
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Girls, ever feel like this?
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Careful what you sat there, friend. That there is Mother's Milk in these here parts!
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I twice read the second jar as "Death Flavoured Corn Whiskey" and wondered what @Jollyrei had done.

No offence meant to the hillbillies, more profit in sanitiser than booze, an MP had to get special dispensation from HMRC for a distillery to make sanitiser without duty in UK
.

Meanwhile, with fewer cars on the road............

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