I'm not good at writing out full plots and characters. But as a sadist I really love getting into the heads of the type of women who would be victims of this treatment. And so I wrote out a rough impressionist story in the form of letters. Its more about the feelings of how humiliating it would be.
Introduction
As a CIA Agent and journalist, I covered the forces of military patriarchy around the world as they crushed the Feminist upsurge, threatening male power and rule. One of my most powerful experiences was when the Zaharkan military established the Xardash Patriarchal dictatorship overthrowing the Zaharkan Feminist Republic. I witnessed the Feminist Prime Minister and her entire Senate being marched out at gunpoint by the Xardash military guards. They were immediately stripped of their professional business pantsuits and down to their lingerie to begin their new lives of slavery to the Xardash. As a CIA man I witnessed the interrogations and breakings first hand. I collected a large collection of photographs and video footage as well as my own memories. Last year I wrote a book about it and made the talk show rounds. It was unexpected when I got “fan mail” from a young Feminist college activist. She told me she had been involuntarily aroused by the events described in my book and wished to correspond with me in great detail over all that had happened.
Chapter I
Dear Alexander,
Whoa, I felt almost dizzy reading through your letter, I find it in such an exciting idea, but almost scary in a way, as I usually I try to repress this side of my mind.
"You build a wall between those 2 selves. Your mind and your vagina." - yup, that's me, 100% true. I'm pretty much the kind of girl you described - leftist, feminist, uni student involved in politics and social issues and all that. I genuinely feel strong about feminism and am against the concept of misogyny and patriarchy - except it's like my vagina didn't get the memo and gets turned on by exactly the kind of things I oppose. I've always been very submissive sexually but I secretly want more than that, I want to be tamed into complete submission, used, degraded, tied up, treated like a fuckhole, objectified as a sex toy. This absolutely conflicts with my worldview but I want to be dominated, not even simply by one man but men and patriarchy in general, I want to be told that I'm (and women in general are) only good for sexually pleasing men and nothing more. I can't even put into words how ashamed I am about these fantasies, I'm fighting for progression and gender equality and I feel like my pussy betrays me by getting wet. Not to mention noncon, my mind despises the sheer idea of it and I feel such intense guilt about yet liking it it almost makes me sick.
I'd definitely love to hear the stories you have to tell, even though I feel very strongly that I shouldn't want to. I honestly wish I wasn't feeling those tingles down there already, I wish I had more control over my vagina.
Holy shit, reading about this feels so surreal, I almost can't believe it happened in real life but I know it did. It's mind-blowing that it's not just a story or fantasy but real historic events, breaking real revolutionarist women. The whole part about the categories of women who were victims of state torture, the description of massive rape,I'm beyond speechless, it's so fucking disturbing. I'm thrilled by the fact that it's so different from "normal" rape incidents, it was so carefully and strategically planned to break and humiliate women, there's ideology behind it not lust, it's simply a form of political punishment. It's truly so fucked up and cruel.
God, these were my exact thoughts while reading about that forced perverse fashion show. It's so objectifying, humiliating and I'd feel extremely helpless, fragile and vulnerable in that situation. Forced to look sexy and desirable for men who just want to break me, it must feel so confusing and troubling, especially as it would getting harder and harder to ignore that part of me that craves this degradation. Being on display for those misogynyst pigs and feeling absolutely, completely powerless against them, feeling like I'm totally losing control, losing myself as a person... going through the experience of getting dehumanized by them and not being able to fight it in any way. I'm getting ecstatic about thinking that this happened to real women. God, no, I don't even want to think about it. My heart is beating so fast and I feel lightheaded, this is such a horrible concept and I hate my body reacting to it in a way it really fucking shouldn't. Orgasm is supposed to be the best feeling ever, the highpoint of making love to your lover, reaching relief with ecstasy, sensuality and bliss.. but then, what it would feel like to forced to come by the people you loathe most, who have zero respect for you, whose worldview is based on degrading you. I think about how none of those women wanted to come, how much they must have hated the idea of reaching climax not only against their will, but being it caused by their worst enemies who overpowered them. And they didn't even have control and power over their own bodies, it didn't matter how they didn't want to come because their bodies did anyway, their pussies came and they had no means to fight against it. It's psychological humiliation at its peak, all those sensations you feel before and during orgasm, like getting wet, the tingling, the throbbing, your clit getting swollen and sensitive, the intense pulsating, you all connect it in your head with good and erotic and amazing feelings and yet you're body is going through all of these sensations while your mind very well knows that you're being punished, degraded and dehumanized. It's like not only my enemies defeated me but they turned my body against me, and not by hurting it but 'rewarding' it, making it feel good, and my body accepting it as if it was with them all along. It's unbearably humiliating.
OK, I hate how I read about her getting gangbanged by 10-12 men and I felt jealous, picturing myself in her place, getting pinned down and used hard. And then she was tortured anyway and they even managed to make her feel like that it was all her fault since she agreed to the gangbang rape. They made her believe that she deserved to be treated like this, like I can't even wrap my head around how much power they had over her. Totally. I feel like my body is betraying me, I'm betraying my heroines, my worldview, everything I am. I feel like it doesn't matter what I think about the world, what my thoughts are on gender or political issues, my activism doesn't mean anything because after all I'm brought down to a pulsing vagina lusting for degradation, aching for humiliation, aroused for dehumanization.
I feel so intensely ashamed and guilty for finding pleasure in these stories, these women are supposed to be source of inspiration for me with their bravery, but I'm thrilled by the idea of them being destroyed like this, I'm supposed to feel furious or distressed but that's overwhelmed by my arousal. I'd rather die than admit this in real life, especially my fellow feminist leftist girls. Oh god, I really shouldn't have seen this. It's one thing getting aroused while reading rape, torture or degradation stories (even if they're real) but actually seeing women being treated like this and feeling sexual excitement is one of the most awful things I've ever experienced. I feel horrible. They're exposed to the people they fought against, they're so desperate to cover themselves but can't, they look so humiliated and vulnerable. They're not seen as people, they truly are reduced to meatsacks, they're just a bunch of hot bodies.. and the look on the men's faces, oh god they know they have the power, they know they're in control, those smug looks and evil grins just about killed me.
Being forced to admit this feels like a kind of torture already. And I wish with all my heart that I could say no, but a dark part of me screams yes, that's what I want to see, I want to see her in sexy lingerie that she's wearing against her will, I want to see her being put on display, see her trying to save her dignity but slowly losing, being stripped off, being humiliated. I want to see her getting reduced to a slut.
I find it mindblowing how female prisoners are treated so differently than male ones, with women it always includes exposing her, sexually assaulting her, raping her, reducing her to her female body. Those men are not even capable of viewing women their equals, and when it comes to punishing or dehumanizing them it happens always in a sexual way. It's such a powerful way to fight back against their feminism, to punish them for wanting to achieve respect and equality. He laughs as he rapes her not only because he enjoys it but he knows it's the best way to break a feminist's soul and she's totally powerless.
Huh, it was so much I don't even know, my mind is filled with all these stories, ideas and pictures of various types of humiliation, I feel so overwhelmed. Some things do stand out though, like the rape of Zarhakan revolutionarists , the gangbang rapes, and forced fashion parade and definitely the forced orgasms. The whole idea of forcing a bunch of feminists to orgasm is so disturbingly arousing I feel like I can't even comprehend it. Maybe partly because I do everything in my power to fight against my own arousal, refusing to pleasure over these things, as I know they did too but failed.
This whole panties thing is really getting into my head too, there's some sadness in how they're holding onto them as their last defense, because everything else was taken away from them, they're clinging on their last piece of dignity. These are women who were so passionate abouth fighting to making a world a better place and now this is the only fight and resistance they can have. But they're already humiliated, they're already stripped to their lingeries and yet they think it makes that much of a difference to stretch the waistband instead of pulling their panties off, it probably means the world to them bc they feel like this is all they have left. And this makes me want to see a man taking even that away from them, forcing their panties down, crushing and shattering their last hope for resistance. Ugh, this was really hard to watch at times, but incredible as well, it blows my mind how in spite of all the brutal and awful things that happened to her she still can't help orgasming. Seeing her nipples hard, her thighs trembling, hearing her moaning with pleasure... she's completely at his mercy and he chooses to give her orgasms, he makes her feel good and yet it's the biggest torture to her in a way.
I feel blown away and overwhelmed. Not only I've never talked about this with anyone else but I've never looked this deep down into myself either, I've never really explored it. It just lingered there, some dark thoughts and fantasies that I tried to ignore. I now faced those fantasies and things I've never even dreamed of too, I feel this incredibly intense mixture of shame, guilt, excitement, arousal, confusion and many other emotions I can't even name. And I hate the fact that I have zero control over my pussy, I'm almost shocked and disgusted by how it can get wet from the things I loathe and despise. I really wonder how I will perceive and accept these thoughts in the coming days, I'm still the same person, I will continue with my leftist and feminist activism, but I will do so with mental images of my fellow activists or leaders being humiliated in my mind.. and secretly liking it.
Exactly, it's such an exciting thought. Like I said before, those men never even considered them as proper enemies, never as equal human beings and when it comes to punishing them, it's all sexualized and eroticized. I imagine it must be one thing getting imprisoned, maybe tortured just like men revolutionists, of course it's horrible but psychologically still very different than when your punishment is being forced to wear lingerie or getting forced orgasms or being used sexually.
