• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

She Is Not A Witch!

Go to CruxDreams.com
“And that ridiculous attempt at a spell just now! Jolly, he only went and pointed a wooden spoon at me and shouted ‘Expecto Homo’!”

Jolly made a sort of gurgling sound then began to laugh uncontrollably. Eventually he wiped the tears from his eyes. “’Homo’? Not ‘Hominem’?”

“I know. Eulalia always despaired about his Latin!”
Told you!;)


“We have been forced into it, to combat our greatest enemy, somebody who is the most evil, devious, terrifying black witch that the world has ever seen.”

“Let me guess. The parson? The judge?”

“No, you idiot. Your mother.”
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Always a mismatch, in RL too!:oops:

“John Wragg, this is your problem in a nutshell! In five years of marriage you’ve never listened to me! And, this past year, when I really needed you, you just went about feeling sorry for yourself because you were married to a cat! How the FUCK did you think I felt!”

Classic RL scene either!:D

You better find that spell quickly, before marital troubles get out of control!:eek:
 
“We have been forced into it, to combat our greatest enemy, somebody who is the most evil, devious, terrifying black witch that the world has ever seen.”

“Let me guess. The parson? The judge?”

“No, you idiot. Your mother.”

Daughter-in-law to mother-in-law:
Dear Mother-in-law: Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!!
 
We are white witches, we use magic and sorcery for good, not evi
Quite. We are, actually, jolly good witches. ;)


“We have been forced into it, to combat our greatest enemy, somebody who is the most evil, devious, terrifying black witch that the world has ever seen.”
And to get the bloody dough for the cinnamon buns to rise properly. But again, I digress.



“Let me guess. The parson? The judge?”

“No, you idiot. Your mother.”
She's probably an evil stepmother. These people often are. But totally evil, certainly.
 
Told you!;)



Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Always a mismatch, in RL too!:oops:



Classic RL scene either!:D

You better find that spell quickly, before marital troubles get out of control!:eek:
Daughter-in-law to mother-in-law:
Dear Mother-in-law: Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!!
Quite. We are, actually, jolly good witches. ;)



And to get the bloody dough for the cinnamon buns to rise properly. But again, I digress.




She's probably an evil stepmother. These people often are. But totally evil, certainly.
You know, the only reason I write these stories is to get the funny comments back!

:duke::duke::duke:

And thanks to Lox for the 'Hominem' line! :beer:
 
Reading wasn’t my strong suit, nor was writing
Such modesty - you've just developed some remarkable feline mind-reading skills, and your talent for comedy is coming along rather nicely too :D
 
My knees gave way beneath me and I sat down heavily on Eul’s bed.

“My mother is a black witch?”

Jolly took a break from his studies of Eul’s book. “Didn’t you know? You are exceptionally naïve, Wragg!”

“Well, she can be a bit tetchy at times, and I don’t understand half of what she says, but that’s normal with me and women…”

“Don’t be too hard on him, Jolly.” Barb, for once, was sympathetic. “She bewitched his father, she’s bewitched him.”

“Oh, yes… we need to be careful with our Wragg, Barb. Remember when Wragg senior sussed her? He was dead within 24 hours.”

This was too much. “My father died in an accident, he stepped out in front of a cart!”

Barb was looking at Jolly, but nevertheless I caught her message. “That was not tactful, Jolly. John truly believed that was an accident.”

“NOOOOOO!” My world was falling apart. I’d left our children in the care of the most evil witch the world had ever known. Sure, they were her grandchildren, but they were also Barb’s children. And now they were suggesting that she had effectively murdered my father. I put my head into my hands and sobbed.

Barb jumped onto my lap. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. But you have to know.”

“Aha! Got it!” Jolly was triumphant. He produced a wand and pointed it at Barb. “Dirano cum Accretio!”

There was a puff of blue smoke, and I found myself with a nude woman sitting on my lap, which cheered me up considerably. Jolly, too, by the look of him.

“Oh, thank God for that!” sighed Barb. I heard her voice for the first time in a year.

I wrapped my arms around her. “Welcome back, Barb!”

“I never went anywhere!” She mumbled into my shoulder. Then she sat back, and slapped me hard across the face.

“Owww! What was that for?”

“’Barbie’,” she said. “What the hell were you thinking of? And this…” she slapped the other cheek, “is for ‘sweet cheeks’!”

I rubbed my cheeks. It had been fun, but I’d suspected I’d pay for it in the end.

Barb stood up, and I could admire her in all her naked glory. A year as a cat hadn’t harmed her good looks at all. I just wanted to get her into the nearest bed, and the one I was sitting on would do very nicely indeed. I began to wonder how I could lose Jolly (who may well also have been wondering how he could lose me) but Barb clearly had other things on her mind.

“I don’t suppose either of you two goons brought any clothes for me?”

I looked at Jolly, and he looked at me. “Um, no,” said Jolly. “Do you need clothes? You look great as you are! I must say, I was wondering if mine might be superfluous to requirements…”

I was dammed if I was minded to share Barb with Jolly, after a year without a woman’s touch. “They are, Jolly, but so is what’s inside them…”

“Gentlemen, please!” Barb was exasperated. “We need to rescue Eul, Kathy, and Missy! We have no time to lose!”

“There are some of Eul’s clothes in that cupboard,” admitted Jolly.

“Thank you.” Eul and Barb, in human form, were similar in height and weight, so Eul’s clothes fitted Barb well.

Watching her as she got dressed, I was struck by a thought. “That spell of yours, Jolly?”

“What about it?”

“Will it have worked on just Barb, or will the other three have changed back into women at the same time?”

Barb looked at Jolly, horror written on her face.

“Ohhhhhh SHIT!” she said.
 
There was a puff of blue smoke, and I found myself with a nude woman sitting on my lap, which cheered me up considerably. Jolly, too, by the look of him.

52FC074F-38C4-4657-B931-AAF1AC721906.jpeg Holy Shit! How’d I end up naked on HIS lap? :confused:

“I never went anywhere!” She mumbled into my shoulder. Then she sat back, and slapped me hard across the face.

“Owww! What was that for?”

“’Barbie’,” she said. “What the hell were you thinking of? And this…” she slapped the other cheek, “is for ‘sweet cheeks’!”

That’s telling him! :mad:
 
My poor cat!:eek::(:oops:


Already she wants me to take care of all the stray cats of the neighbourhood! Do you know how many they are? :facepalm: 'Wir schaffen das' she says! :confused: I need the reversing spell right now!. :doh:
:duke:

Holy Shit! How’d I end up naked on HIS lap? :confused:
Dunno, but I'm not complaining! :)
 
“My mother is a black witch?”

Jolly took a break from his studies of Eul’s book. “Didn’t you know? You are exceptionally naïve, Wragg!”
Just what I was going to say, er...:rolleyes::oops:

“NOOOOOO!” My world was falling apart. I’d left our children in the care of the most evil witch the world had ever known. Sure, they were her grandchildren, but they were also Barb’s children. And now they were suggesting that she had effectively murdered my father. I put my head into my hands and sobbed.
There, there. Tactless of me. How were you to know? Are you going to be going on like this much longer? Some of us have spell books to read. Have a tissue.

There was a puff of blue smoke, and I found myself with a nude woman sitting on my lap, which cheered me up considerably. Jolly, too, by the look of him.
Makes a nice change, and you've stopped blubbing at least. Do I have to change back all the pussies, er, kitties, um, girls? ;)


Then she sat back, and slapped me hard across the face.

“Owww! What was that for?”

“’Barbie’,” she said. “What the hell were you thinking of? And this…” she slapped the other cheek, “is for ‘sweet cheeks’!”
There we are - none the worse for wear, eh? :)

I looked at Jolly, and he looked at me. “Um, no,” said Jolly. “Do you need clothes? You look great as you are! I must say, I was wondering if mine might be superfluous to requirements…”

I was dammed if I was minded to share Barb with Jolly, after a year without a woman’s touch. “They are, Jolly, but so is what’s inside them…”
It''s like high school all over again. :(


“Will it have worked on just Barb, or will the other three have changed back into women at the same time?”

Barb looked at Jolly, horror written on her face.
Er... Was that me? I don't think that was me. Did you see him clearly? I don't think so.
What spell book? :eek::oops::doh:
 
Back
Top Bottom