"The Object Lesson" Reworked

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Epilogue
​

On a dark September night, with no moon, a huge, darkly dressed man is observed to walk rapidly down the docks of the Beaufort Marina. Observers noted him hurriedly dumping something into the water and then just a quickly stride away. Those few who saw him, never said a word.

 

[Loxuru]

Good story, well written, SB. I like the way you describe the details of the ordeal, from the crucified's viewpoint.

The point is men will want to watch you, I believe they call a good looking woman like you a MILF, and women will see themselves in you, a mother like them who has had two children, a tad bit overweight, but not dumpy. Honestly that was your real undoing, you are just normal, or vanilla, enough for you to strike a chord with just about every group we are trying to reach. Then the fact that your crimes were really chicken shit offenses will also have a deep impact in keeping people under control. It sends a zero tolerance message. Your crucifixion sends a Romanesque take no shit from anyone example

Clearly explained My preferred type of story character too!

Tall people just will never understand how much that grates on ones psyche over a lifetime.

Tall people have the privilige to live in a world crowded with dwarfs.

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Good story, well written, SB. I like the way you describe the details of the ordeal, from the crucified's viewpoint.


Clearly explained My preferred type of story character too!


Tall people have the privilige to live in a world crowded with dwarfs.

Thank you! Yes, I wanted it to be first person and as detailed as possible with respect to how I think it would occur if it were myself. As I said, I am Casey with just a few details changed. I’m glad you appreciated it, as they say everyone has one story in them and as far as the Cruxforums are concerned I think this is mine. I am working on another story but one for a very different forum!

one thing though, I not nearly as political as Casey is, that was modeled after one of my girlfriends.

 

[Loxuru]

as they say everyone has one story in them

Interesting thought, about everyone having a story in them. That’s the way I see it too. But the same storyline can be brought in so many ways, that each way creates an original, new story.

 

[DjEtla]

Wow, this is amazing.

These days I mostly post stories on the 'net. I don't read a lot any more in this genre because most stories don't appeal to me that much -- they're simplistic. This one isn't.

I love the terrific details.

- The southern heat and humidity are a big deal in this story, and the effects on the body. That's a fantastic & very realistic detail
- The political & legal situation is just within the bounds of what I can suspend disbelief and accept.
- The family dimension adds to the drama and heightened emotions of the story.
- I like the way the two big guards are concerned about not making a bad impression that will hurt their careers -- that's so realistic.
- The "pinned insect" comment is chilling and it's all too accurate for this story. Great line.
- The coming storm is a nice touch. From a realistic point of view it decreases the direct sunlight on her body. From a symbolic or metaphorical point of view it seems to hint at a tough or story time rolling over the country.
- The assault from the unappealing neighbor was unexpected and it's easy to sense how this adds even more to her humiliation.
- Anyway I could go on and on.

The details you've written about being short are well done too.

(Some of your other little details resonate with me too. I've been to the Carolinas. I've had some government/military experiences. I've done some sailing and sailboat racing in the past. So some things in the story seem kind of familiar.)

I posted a crucifixion story here a few months ago ("Melita On The Cross"). At the time I thought it was okay. But it's funny, I find this to be so powerful and well done that it makes my little story pale in comparison.

Anyway, you've set a very high standard here. I'm really glad I checked it out. Thanks for sharing this. This will encourage me to try to aim higher with the stories I write and post. This will encourage me to think more about story details and try to draw more details from real-life experiences to make a story more vivid.

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Wow, this is amazing.

These days I mostly post stories on the 'net. I don't read a lot any more in this genre because most stories don't appeal to me that much -- they're simplistic. This one isn't.

I love the terrific details.

- The southern heat and humidity are a big deal in this story, and the effects on the body. That's a fantastic & very realistic detail
- The political & legal situation is just within the bounds of what I can suspend disbelief and accept.
- The family dimension adds to the drama and heightened emotions of the story.
- I like the way the two big guards are concerned about not making a bad impression that will hurt their careers -- that's so realistic.
- The "pinned insect" comment is chilling and it's all too accurate for this story. Great line.
- The coming storm is a nice touch. From a realistic point of view it decreases the direct sunlight on her body. From a symbolic or metaphorical point of view it seems to hint at a tough or story time rolling over the country.
- The assault from the unappealing neighbor was unexpected and it's easy to sense how this adds even more to her humiliation.
- Anyway I could go on and on.

The details you've written about being short are well done too.

(Some of your other little details resonate with me too. I've been to the Carolinas. I've had some government/military experiences. I've done some sailing and sailboat racing in the past. So some things in the story seem kind of familiar.)

I posted a crucifixion story here a few months ago ("Melita On The Cross"). At the time I thought it was okay. But it's funny, I find this to be so powerful and well done that it makes my little story pale in comparison.

Anyway, you've set a very high standard here. I'm really glad I checked it out. Thanks for sharing this. This will encourage me to try to aim higher with the stories I write and post. This will encourage me to think more about story details and try to draw more details from real-life experiences to make a story more vivid.

Thank you! I am flattered by your kind comments! I am so glad you enjoyed the story!

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

BTW, the environs of Beaufort are all real locations down to the streets.

 

[DjEtla]

BTW, the environs of Beaufort are all real locations down to the streets.

Yeah, when I read the story I had no doubt it was based on a very real, specific place where the main character has spent a lot of time. (That adds to the shock of the story. For some reason a public spectacle like this would be more difficult and embarrassing for the condemned if it's done in a familiar surrounding, around friends and neighbors and co-workers. Somehow that's worse than doing it in a strange place where the condemned doesn't know anyone.)

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Yeah, when I read the story I had no doubt it was based on a very real, specific place where the main character has spent a lot of time. (That adds to the shock of the story. For some reason a public spectacle like this would be more difficult and embarrassing for the condemned if it's done in a familiar surrounding, around friends and neighbors and co-workers. Somehow that's worse than doing it in a strange place where the condemned doesn't know anyone.)

I actually walked the path, with a back pack with hand weights in it, in August as research. The reason I added the sweat pouring into her eyes is I forgot my bandanna and tired not to wipe my eyes, not very successfully! I did walk it in a bikini top and shorts without sunscreen and had a nasty sun burn for a week.

On the pain, as I mentioned before I had an issue with Ulnar Tunnel Syndrome which was incredible the way the pain radiated into my hand and Upper back. At first they thought it was my spine compressing until I found the right doctor. Years later my left pinky and 1/2 my index finger are still numb.

Embarrassment, well until you’ve gone through 30 hours of labor, naked with a sheet covering you and people feeling your cervix every hour or so you have no concept of being exposed. I guess a guy’s prostate exam is close for a minute or so but sorry I can’t see how it is anything like childbirth!

We sit on the swings by the river and listen to the sounds of the cicadas ebb and flow through the trees and swat a lot of gnats and “nosee’ems!”
Of course the county courthouse doesn’t try Federal cases, but otherwise...

 

[Madiosi]

Now in libary:

Crux-forums E-book Library

No: 282 Michele Patri - Public Executions in the Arena - Part 2-2019 For comments visit the original thread: http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/public-executions-in-the-arena.5032/

www.cruxforums.com

and archive:

http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/resources/the-object-lesson-by-sexitus-bacilus.742/

 

[wildcat]

great story

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

great story

Thank you!

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Casey!

So I’m not the jelious type and I know my husband looks at porn (yes lady’s your husband looks at porn) but as long as he knows when to draw the line it’s all good (after all I come here and he doesn’t flip out about it!). So he shows me this picture and says, “isn’t this the girl you wrote about?” He’s right, if she had short hair and green eyes she would be absolutely exact.

BTW I have seen the porn my hubby looks at and since it’s usually a woman who favors me, it actually makes me feel better that he’s happy in our relationship. As long as it’s just us and he fills that male need in a way that enhances our relationship I think it’s kind of healthy. Does that make any sense? I’ve actually, bought lingerie based on what I have seen him look at online.

 

[DjEtla]

Casey!

So I’m not the jelious type and I know my husband looks at porn (yes lady’s your husband looks at porn) but as long as he knows when to draw the line it’s all good (after all I come here and he doesn’t flip out about it!). So he shows me this picture and says, “isn’t this the girl you wrote about?” He’s right, if she had short hair and green eyes she would be absolutely exact.

BTW I have seen the porn my hubby looks at and since it’s usually a woman who favors me, it actually makes me feel better that he’s happy in our relationship. As long as it’s just us and he fills that male need in a way that enhances our relationship I think it’s kind of healthy. Does that make any sense? I’ve actually, bought lingerie based on what I have seen him look at online. View attachment 824220

He sounds like a very lucky guy.

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Today August 5 (2020) is the anniversary/calendar date of Casey’s ordeal and crucifixion. It’s also about 1 year since I wrote the story. So with another year of experience/age and another Low Country summer under my belt my thoughts on things described right and things I could have gotten better...

Could have done better...
1. Dehydration: Casey only gets two bottles of water, once along the walk to the riverfront. My husband and I have been doing massive brush clearing and replanting of beds (with COVID not much else to do) and on one 8 hour day of working in the sun I recorded how much water/juice/Gatorade I drank and it was more than 6 gallons! Even with that I thought I was going to have a heart attack several times. I think if I rewrote it I would have had a trustee with a stick with a sponge on it giving her water. As she walked. Also I would have described her having to stop with her chest about to explode! I can’t tell you how close I believe I was to a heart attack one day!

2. The crossbeam is described as cutting into her back/ upper vertebrae area but I think the rubbing/abrasive aspect of this would have been far, far worse than I described.

3. Insects: my God I have never seen yellow fies like we have this year! For those in other areas the yellow flie is a biting fly that comes out of the marsh and especially attacks during the day. They are flying terminators that attack over and over and assault you in swarms. They are especially adept at attacking particularly soft skin areas and would have driven her crazy being unable to fend them off (they do even if you CAN fend the off!). They would have flown around her head and attacked her cheeks, ears, breasts/nipples, back between her shoulder blades, and buttocks, upper thighs. I can not overemphasize just how madding these assaults would be to someone forced to endure them.

4. Fatague: I think I have it right that Casey would have only lasted some 14 to 16 hours on the cross, but again after a day of working in the Southern sun I am so exhausted, sitting in an air conditioned house, that I can barely do anything. Casey was forced to walk miles, nearly naked, in that same sun carrying about a 30 lb. cross beam. Yes I do touch on her fatague but think I could have played that up more. From the beginning, even with the water revival (and a cold shower is the first thing I do when do in the yard each day) she would have been

5. The night/hopelessness: in rereading it I thought I went too quickly through the night and might have spent more time describing how long it was and how hopelessshe was.

Right...
1. Sunburn: I Think the effects of sunburn were well done, I burned this past weekend and that wasn’t my breasts or bikini areas. God it hurt, and my skin just radiated heat all night! Casey would have been sooooo much worse.

2. Petite: The size I use but being petite my entire life used to that.

3. Demise: again, I find it hard to think Casey would have survived more than 14 to 16 hours on the cross, certainly not a full day.

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Oh another thing that could have been better is describing the shoot pain up her arms to her shoulder blades and up her legs to the sciatic nerve/small of back. I think I should have also described that in more detail as she pushed up for air and dropped. My thoughts are it was too clinical In the story WRT that pain after she was up on the cross! I imagine with every twist against those nerves the pain would have shot through her every time she moved. But then again maybe the nerves are deadened with a certain amount of damage? I know I touch on it but think not enough.

 

[Sexitus Bacilus]

Two years ago when I started writing this it was a far out fictional extrapolation of trends, after last night’s Presidential debate I’m not so sure anymore!

 

[DjEtla]

I've also tried to write a crucifixion story and in the end I don't think it was real successful -- because I suspect there's no way our language can capture the kind of intense, sustained pain and horror of being crucified or even seeing it done to someone else. I thought your story did a great job of getting close to what it might be like.

 

[American Carnifex]

Love the interplay between Nick and Dale! They remind me of real guys I served with! Nick was the guy you hated because he always started trouble, but Dale was the one you trusted because he always had your back when things got hairy!

 

[American Carnifex]

I was rereading this story, one of my favorites with Jeddak’s, and in reading the description of her gasping for breath I couldn’t help but think of these GIFs.