Hello everyone,
My interest in crucifixion as an erotic experience began around the time of my puberty. I was raised Catholic, so I saw plenty of images in which Jesus, portrayed as somewhat feminine, was abused, scourged and then nailed to a cross. Women gathered at the foot of the cross to kiss his bloody feet. He swooned on the cross; his eyes rolling upward as if in some sort of ecstasy. Later, I read the lives of the saints, searching out the martyrs and their sufferings. Being heterosexual I fixed on the female victims.
Around the same time I saw movies in which there were brief moments of female torture to excite me. In a few of Vincent Price's horror films there were some juicy scenes (The Pit and The Pendulum, Tower of London) and I saw more in some of the old "sword and sandal" films. I recall one in particular in which an innocent slave girl was whipped. The notion of innocence heightened the erotic stimulation. Perhaps that was related to my original fascination with the religious imagery and the associated stories.
I also experimented a little on myself around the same time as my puberty was kicking in. It may be an indication of my psychological confusion that I hid away in a basement and whipped myself. I then tries to puncture a foot with a nail. Luckily I didn't go too far with that since there could have been some serious medical consequences. As I matured the masochistic tendency disappeared and I became fixated on women suffering in various ways. At that time there were lots of mens magazines on news stands with covers depicting such things as Nazis torturing voluptuous women. So it was apparent that my thing was not exclusively my thing.
Still, I never spoke about any of this to anyone, not even a psychologist. I suppressed it, thinking there was something wrong with me. Then I met some people in New York City who were part of the BSDM scene. I moved around a lot then, so my next real experience came in Los Angeles, where I went to act out some of my fantasies with an attractive young woman who enjoyed a degree of pain and spoke very matter of factly about the whole subject. That experience was a watershed moment for me. Whipping her and then putting her on a cross was exciting. I should stress that this was all highly controlled, totally consensual play and that the whip was so light weight that it really produced very liuttle pain and left not even a red mark on her back.
I was also fascinated by her slim, pretty feet. One game she seemed to like involved poking her firmly bound feet with a toothpick. The best spot I found was in that dip just under the sole where I could press the pick in for a few seconds as she squirmed and moaned. Then I would rub away the pain and even kiss her feet.
But I was married with a family and I could not carry on this secret life as much as I might have wanted to. I knew there must be other people out there with similar fantasies, but I still felt isolated. Then came the internet. I found some of the porno sites interesting, but they often featured scenarios that did not mesh with my fantasies. But sites like Crucified Women attracted me. Then I found some other sites that appealed to me because they dealt in scenarios like the young, innocent girl who is abducted and tortured. In some cases she is ultimately nailed to a cross. Despite the production errors and fake blood these videos somewhat satisfied my desires.
Now, I join with all of you who have similar inclinations so that we might explore this subject and help each other both satisfy and understand our own sexual/spiritual/emotional/psychological make up. I hope to learn more from all of you and I am willing to assist members in any way I can with my thoughts and knowledge of this topic. I recently read that what people in the BDSM scene seek most, beyond sexual pleasure, is catharsis. I understood that idea immediately. I find that most people in this scene are more intelligent and artistically sophisticated than the average vanilla-only person. I think we can learn a lot from each other.
Mark Kee
I'm honored that you introduced my pic in your Alice thread.
