trickydicky4u
Governor
Oh Mr Tree sir, you have just amply demonstrated the triumph of hope over experience!
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All at Sea with Jeeves
- Thread starter Wragg
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windar
Teller of Tales
I'd always scoffed at going on one of those Carnival Cruise Lines trips, but now I'm reconsidering...
Gosh, you step away from CF for 24 hours, and look how far behind you get. Bit of a task, catching up.
Good to see the old Crux Star line practices some discipline. The for'ard mast? I say, Bertie, isn't that where we are? We'll get a good view of this. Just like back at Madame M's, eh?
I suppose Jeeves knows these things. Anyway, it does seem to play out that way.
You can push this too far, you know.
Or we can just let Wragg's aunt do it.
One does like to give the impression that one knows what is what. Confidence. The girls like confidence.
So the crewman doing the flogging is an Italian. Very multicultural experience here. Can't say we aren't broadening our horizons, eh?
Can you type that in a comical Italian accent, you know, for verisimilitude?
That should make for a nice challenge to Madiosi if he's working on a manip.
You can bet he is!
Can you type that in a comical Italian accent, you know, for verisimilitude?
That I’ve got to see. Bet Eul could pull it off.
Can you type that in a comical Italian accent, you know, for verisimilitude?
On a semi-serious note, I do wonder how Jeeves comes across to those whose first language isn't English.
I sure as heck couldn't do a Jeeves translation into German!
I wonder whether the BBC and British films haven’t taken care of that concern.quite satisfactorily.
Madiosi, do the voice actors doing the dubbed dialog speak German with a British accent? I can’t tell.
7.
Mademoiselle Messaline has missed a trick. Those posts she ties people to at her club? What they lack is a crow’s nest up above, so that lecherous peeping Toms like Jollyrei and myself can get a bird’s eye view of proceedings! I made a mental note to suggest it to her next time I saw her, because Jollyrei, Ted, and I had a completely unobstructed view of proceedings! No chaps in top hats, no ladies with fascinators, nothing apart from the occasional misting up of my monocle obstructed the view!
And what a view! The first thing that the Captain did was to strip poor Barb stark naked, apart from her shoes. And without any Seagrams to warm her up, either! The poor girl must have been frightfully cold, but it was good news for us, because those sticky-out bits on the front of her chest stood up like sailors on parade! Jeeves has a word for it, but I’m dashed if I can remember it. Begins with a ‘t’, if I’m not very much mistaken.
Jollyrei sighed dreamily. “By Jove, Bertie. I’d forgotten what a splendid pair of knockers that lassie has!”
“Absolutely gorgeous!” agreed Ted. I polished my monocle. Now I had found a cure for seasickness!
Next thing, Captain Inder tied her to the mast, arms above her head, and the above-mentioned ‘knockers’ either side of the mast. Not a problem for us, we just whizzed round to the other side of the Crow’s Nest, peered down, and there they both were, one each side of the mast, proudly displayed to their celestial admirers!
As guest of honour, Mr Tree was given a spare cat o’nine tails and was invited to share the task 50/50 with Mr L’Bogo, and, on the Captain’s command, Tree opened the batting.
“One!” shouted Tree.
“Two!” added L’Bogo.
“Three!” continued Tree.
If they were having any effect we couldn’t see it from above. I could see Jeeves fidgeting, he’s a master with a whip, but he remained silent at least until fifteen, at which point Barb started giggling.
“What’s so funny, Moore?” bellowed the Captain.
“Nothing, sir!”
By twenty-five, she was laughing uproariously. The Captain was puce with anger, as were Tree and L'Bogo, not to mention the soup-stained diners..
“Can’t you at least pretend that it hurts?” he demanded.
“I’m sorry, sir, it’s just that it tickles!”
A soft cough interrupted proceedings. “Please forgive my interrupting the smooth running of your ship once again, Captain. It’s just that I couldn’t help but observe that the Lady Eulalia and the Countess of High Groaning are equipped with riding crops.”
Barb glared at him.
“So they are!” Bob Inder smiled at the ladies. “May we borrow your whips, Ladies?”
Deborah was having none of it. “You may not, Captain. The only ones who will be using these whips are Eulalia and myself! Is this miserable girl responsible for nearly crashing us into that iceberg just now?”
“Er, yes, she is, and she very nearly steered us into an armoured cruiser yesterday!”
“Then stand aside, Gentlemen, and leave this to the professionals!”
Reluctantly, Tree and L’Bogo stood back. I knew for a fact that there is no point in mere men arguing with women like these.
Deborah’s whip sang through the air and landed with a ‘crack!’ that echoed back from the bridge.
“Owwww!” yelled Barb. “One!” called Deborah.
Zing-Crack! went Eulalia’s whip. “Yeeee-OOWWWW!” shrieked Barb. I looked down with sympathy. There but for the Grace of God…
So it went on. Based on experience at Mademoiselle Messaline’s, I can tell you that there’s a real knack to handling a whip, but I can also tell you that those two ladies needed lessons from nobody. They passed thirty without drawing breath, Barb howling like a Banshee, and the Countess drew back her arm, and expertly delivered number thirty-one, just as Eulalia was preparing number thirty-two.
Suddenly, there was a series of bright flashes.
There was a moment of silence filled only with Barb’s sobs. Spike Sharp stood grinning in absolute triumph, a puff of smoke dispersing from his flashbulb, his scoop pictures safely captured.
Mademoiselle Messaline has missed a trick. Those posts she ties people to at her club? What they lack is a crow’s nest up above, so that lecherous peeping Toms like Jollyrei and myself can get a bird’s eye view of proceedings! I made a mental note to suggest it to her next time I saw her, because Jollyrei, Ted, and I had a completely unobstructed view of proceedings! No chaps in top hats, no ladies with fascinators, nothing apart from the occasional misting up of my monocle obstructed the view!
And what a view! The first thing that the Captain did was to strip poor Barb stark naked, apart from her shoes. And without any Seagrams to warm her up, either! The poor girl must have been frightfully cold, but it was good news for us, because those sticky-out bits on the front of her chest stood up like sailors on parade! Jeeves has a word for it, but I’m dashed if I can remember it. Begins with a ‘t’, if I’m not very much mistaken.
Jollyrei sighed dreamily. “By Jove, Bertie. I’d forgotten what a splendid pair of knockers that lassie has!”
“Absolutely gorgeous!” agreed Ted. I polished my monocle. Now I had found a cure for seasickness!
Next thing, Captain Inder tied her to the mast, arms above her head, and the above-mentioned ‘knockers’ either side of the mast. Not a problem for us, we just whizzed round to the other side of the Crow’s Nest, peered down, and there they both were, one each side of the mast, proudly displayed to their celestial admirers!
As guest of honour, Mr Tree was given a spare cat o’nine tails and was invited to share the task 50/50 with Mr L’Bogo, and, on the Captain’s command, Tree opened the batting.
“One!” shouted Tree.
“Two!” added L’Bogo.
“Three!” continued Tree.
If they were having any effect we couldn’t see it from above. I could see Jeeves fidgeting, he’s a master with a whip, but he remained silent at least until fifteen, at which point Barb started giggling.
“What’s so funny, Moore?” bellowed the Captain.
“Nothing, sir!”
By twenty-five, she was laughing uproariously. The Captain was puce with anger, as were Tree and L'Bogo, not to mention the soup-stained diners..
“Can’t you at least pretend that it hurts?” he demanded.
“I’m sorry, sir, it’s just that it tickles!”
A soft cough interrupted proceedings. “Please forgive my interrupting the smooth running of your ship once again, Captain. It’s just that I couldn’t help but observe that the Lady Eulalia and the Countess of High Groaning are equipped with riding crops.”
Barb glared at him.
“So they are!” Bob Inder smiled at the ladies. “May we borrow your whips, Ladies?”
Deborah was having none of it. “You may not, Captain. The only ones who will be using these whips are Eulalia and myself! Is this miserable girl responsible for nearly crashing us into that iceberg just now?”
“Er, yes, she is, and she very nearly steered us into an armoured cruiser yesterday!”
“Then stand aside, Gentlemen, and leave this to the professionals!”
Reluctantly, Tree and L’Bogo stood back. I knew for a fact that there is no point in mere men arguing with women like these.
Deborah’s whip sang through the air and landed with a ‘crack!’ that echoed back from the bridge.
“Owwww!” yelled Barb. “One!” called Deborah.
Zing-Crack! went Eulalia’s whip. “Yeeee-OOWWWW!” shrieked Barb. I looked down with sympathy. There but for the Grace of God…
So it went on. Based on experience at Mademoiselle Messaline’s, I can tell you that there’s a real knack to handling a whip, but I can also tell you that those two ladies needed lessons from nobody. They passed thirty without drawing breath, Barb howling like a Banshee, and the Countess drew back her arm, and expertly delivered number thirty-one, just as Eulalia was preparing number thirty-two.
Suddenly, there was a series of bright flashes.
There was a moment of silence filled only with Barb’s sobs. Spike Sharp stood grinning in absolute triumph, a puff of smoke dispersing from his flashbulb, his scoop pictures safely captured.
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windar
Teller of Tales
She and her girls are more used to turning them
What? Why? That will just provoke a litany of complaints about how being made to wear those shoes is worse than the whipping...
Moore, as soon as they untie you, you grab that fake journalist's camera and throw it overboard. If he scoops us you will get a whipping when you get back to New York that will make this one look like a day at the spa
She loves her shoes, does Barb. It would have been just cruel to part her from them!
Tumescent! There. Someone has to say it.
Jeeves is such a spoilsport!
Jeez, Deb !!!
Jeez, Eul!!!!
By the Grace of God, please stop! Enough!
Wait till I get my hands on Spike!
messaline
Crucified Amazon
Yes, of course : Mademoiselle Messaline is always welcome when you need of her , but you let her at her special club and she could not view those wonderful things which are described during this pleasant cruise ... 
gif... and , at least, she knows to drive a boat, her !
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Celestial admirers watching Eul and Deb in action! Which could be their own future, unless they want to pass the remaining of the trip in the crow's nest.
And Spike is around for more scoop!
bobinder
ARTISAN
Considering that the foremast on a transatlantic liner is usually a steel tube containing a ladder to the crow's nest, this is an impressive feat!
Highly entertaining, Wragg!
Sometimes I worry about that man!
So, Tree gets a go, and I'bogo, but for all my years of service do I get some fun, err I mean chance to do my duty? No I do not. Hmmph.
I'll just go over here where I coincidentally get a rather splendid view of the aformentioned knockers.
Mmmmmm
Dash it Bertie, it's a good thing we're up here. Wouldn't do at all to be down there where Barb is taking all this... You know, it's odd. I have the strangest feeling. What's that when a chap makes a clever escape only to see some nice young girl get the nick? You suppose we should do something? They are our female relations after all.
Whatever else you say, it's a rummy way they have on board ship of teaching girls proper driving rules.
Good-o! Always count on Sharpie to get the souvenir trade going. I might buy several copies of the next ed. We can frame one in the Drones lounge.
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Not really approved bridge dress on today's liners, but you might have a point. We should have a word with the Captain, Bertie. Can't hurt, and think of the savings in female helmsman, er helmsgirl uniforms!... and , at least, she knows to drive a boat, her !
