• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

The Chronicle Of Sir Rupert And The Lost Cross

Go to CruxDreams.com
(Whispers behind hand to old mate Wragg...whaddaya reckin maaate? Thet help? Sheesa crackin sheila and ah dunwanna gettarup set).

Ah dunno, mite.....Ah reckin sheesa teenee bittup set....but ura gud mite....shee didan spot thet 'Barbie' gag, thiss toime! :)

Ah ohhyerwun, mite! :beer:


I reckon Repertor must spend ages looking for these pictures!

I owe you a pint, too, Repertor! :beer:

I have really, really enjoyed writing this thread. A massive thank you to all of you that have contributed, and allowed me to do unspeakable things to your alter egos, turning you into sorcerers, squirrels, dwarves, monks, nailing you to crosses, forcing you to ride on dragons, squeeze through subterranean tunnels, and live in splendid French Chateaux! :clapping:

If I'd had to pay a pound for every time I've laughed out loud I'd have to re-mortgage Cruxton Abbey! :eek:

What's that, RR? :eek:

Oh yes! :doh: I have to finish the flipping story! :doh:
 
“Not so fast, you stinking tub of lard!” Primus Pilus leaped forward, swung the Sword of Goliath, which clanged to a halt, sparks flying, as it connected with Kibonreju’s unseen sword.

“Good God, Pilus can see him!” exclaimed Thessela. She, Jollyrei, and Barb all attacked the space that Pilus was fighting, but to them there was nothing there.

Pilus grimly carried on, cutting, thrusting, parrying. Suddenly a bolt shot towards him, but the red jewel glowed brightly, absorbing the energy, and Pilus was unharmed. Unharmed, but gradually being forced backwards, towards the lake.

“Repertor! Help him!” Barb’s voice was laden with anxiety and urgency.

“There’s nothing he can do, Barb!” Eulalia, too, was tense. “This is Pilus’ moment, only he can do this!”

“But Kibonreju is winning!” Thessela was horrified.

“Indeed I am, Lady Thessela!” Kibonreju’s disembodied voice. “ I am going to kill this worm, I am going to kill your husband, and I am going to kill Repertor. There is nothing any of you can do to stop me!”

The sound of his sinister laughter echoed back from the mountains.

“W…what about us?” Thessela had noted that he hadn’t mentioned any of the women.

“What do you expect? Prepare to be crucified, Lady Thessela! You and Barbaria and Eulalia will end this day on your crosses! Har Har Har Har Har!”

Pilus was still fighting furiously, grunting with the sheer effort, but it was clear to them all that even the Sword of Goliath was no assurance of victory. By now he was barely six feet from the lapping waters of the Konigsee. He was bleeding from a couple of scratches where he had almost, but not quite, parried. Pilus was definitely, inexorably, losing.

Then they stopped. Still the swords clanged, still the sparks flew, but now Pilus seemed to be holding his ground. Not advancing, sure, but not being driven back either.

Wragg appeared in the mouth of the cave, a nude Malins in his arms, the colour of a ghost. “Eulalia! Help her! She’s in a bad way!” He put her down on some soft grass.

Eulalia rushed to her stricken sister, as a penny dropped in Repertor’s head.

“Wragg! Roland! Quickly! Get Messaline down! It’s the crucified women that give him strength!”

“Oh, no you don’t!” A bolt flew from Pilus’ assailant and Wragg flew backwards. There was an awful sound as his head collided with the cave wall, then he lay ominously still.
 

No, the kind of cat with bloodknots in it. That kitten does not have bloodknots. Maybe just, it's entangled in a Gordian knot. With all the weird geometry we have here we need to take care it doesn't warp spacetime into the topology of a Klein bottle.

this sounds even more scary -
Electrified cat's-tail (Rhytidiadelphus triquetrus) :eek:

Electrified-cats-tail-moss-rhytidiadelphus-triquetrus.jpg
 
The effort cost Kibonreju some ground, and drops of blood began to appear on the ground, showing that, finally, Pilus had drawn blood. But then Pilus began, once again, to be forced back. Goliath was a heavy sword, and Pilus was showing the first signs of tiring.

“Ohhhh, Come on, Pilus, come on, you can do it!” Barbaria decided to try cheerleading.

“Pilus! Pilus! Pilus! Pilus!” cheered Jollyrei and Thessela.

Repertor, meanwhile, stood at the mouth of the cave, peering doubtfully in. He knew he had to go in and help Roland. Roland would never be able to get Messaline down on his own. But… a cave? Underground? What if there was an earthquake? His claustrophobia washed over him in waves.

Messaline, screaming, as Roland tried in vain, to get her down. Roland called, “Wragg! Where are you? Help me here!”

“Wragg’s down!” shouted Repertor.

“Repertor! Help me, I can’t do this on my own! I’m just hurting her!”

Repertor looked up at the sky, said a prayer, then disappeared into the cave.

Pilus was by now ankle deep in water. Drops of his own blood fell into the water. Now he was down to fending off Kibonreju’s attack. It could only be a matter of moments, now.

“Malins! No! Lay still!” implored Eulalia.

“No, Eulalia! Help me stand!”

“Malins, you are badly injured! Please!”

Malins ignored her, and struggled to her badly wounded feet. She raised her hands above her head, and blood poured from the nail wounds in her wrists.

“Primus Pilus! Man of Steel! You have the strength! May the Gods give you the victory over this evil demon! PRIMUS PILUS! STRIKE HIM DOWN!!!!”

The Sword of Goliath flashed as Pilus swung it furiously at Kibonreju. There was a thud, and Barbaria looked down in stunned amazement at Kibonreju’s head laying at her feet.

He was still conscious, his mouth working in silent curses, as Barb, squatting in a very ladylike pose, began to piss on him.

Malins collapsed back into Eulalia’s arms. Repertor emerged with great relief, carrying Messaline, Roland close behind. Primus Pilus was kneeling, panting with exertion, in the lake.

There was silence, apart from the sound of a steady stream of urine splashing on a head.

Suddenly there was a groaning noise. Wragg sat up, holding his head. “Owwwww! Where am I?”

“Welcome back, Sir Rupert!” Roland smiled.

“What’s happening? Did we win?”

“You bet we did. Pilus has just cut off Kibonreju’s head, and Barbaria is very, ah, relieved about it!”

“Is….is everyone all right?”

Roland looked at Eulalia, cradling Malins. Eulalia smiled at him, and nodded.

“Yes, Sir Rupert. Everyone is just fine.”

“And, as usual, I slept through all the excitement,” moaned Wragg. “Typical!”

THE END
 
You and Barbaria and Eulalia will end this day on your crosses!
at which point Eulalia started to take off her clothes... :p

May I be the first to congratulate you - magnificent story!
 
:( ....and, as usual, nobody care of Messaline ....
It's true that in this story, she has not lover girl/boy .....
Never mind, her epilog is that she was returning in her cosy cottage , waiting for new adventures ....perhaps ?
:rolleyes:
 

Attachments

  • Fairy-Tale-Cottage-Home-in-the-forrest.jpg
    Fairy-Tale-Cottage-Home-in-the-forrest.jpg
    156.7 KB · Views: 22
Last edited:
:( ....and, as usual, nobody care of Messaline ....
It's true that in this story, she has not lover girl/boy .....
Never mind, her epilog is that she has returned in her cosy cottage , waiting for new adventures ....perhaps ?
:rolleyes:
Kissed back to health by Barbaria, who then firmly turns down all Wragg's pleadings to come back to England.

Hondo and the other dwarves have restored your cottage to picture book condition, Madiosi has filled it with beautiful paintings, you and Barb spend long candlelit evenings in front of the fire, long sunny afternoons strolling hand in hand through fields of wheat swaying gently in the warm summer breeze, laughing at the antics of your own pet squirrel.

Meanwhile Wragg goes back, alone, to a cold, draughty castle to await his next mission from King Arthur: Sir Rupert and the Deadly Danes.
 
:goodjob:This was really a splendid story, an ingenous mix of adventure, humor and erotism. The title made me curious. So I began to read it and I'm glad I did. I enjoyed it very much and I couldn't keep myself from adding some comments or pictures, soon encouraged by a wizard who enlightened my mind.
Thank you, Great Chronicler. Congratulations!:beer:
 
Last edited:
:( ....and, as usual, nobody care of Messaline ...
she was returning in her cosy cottage , waiting for new adventures
Fairy-Tale-Cottage-Home-in-the-forrest.jpg
Oh don't go all despondent.
I need to recuperate a bit. Cottage in the forest sounds just right.
While you're sitting in the 'fairy-tale cottage' I might ... tell some fairy-tales? It might make the wait for new adventures a bit shorter.
 
:goodjob:This was really a splendid story, an ingenous mix of adventure, humor and erotism. The title made me curious. So I began to read it and I'm glad I did. I enjoyed it very much and I couldn't keep myself from adding some comments or pictures, soon encouraged by a wizard who enlighted my mind.
Thank you, Great Chronicler. Congratulations!:beer:
Thank you for being such an entertaining wizard, I hope you don't mind but I hope we'll see more of this sorcerer who can be terrifying or terrified, powerful or petrified but always, always, the best magic has been the way he illustrated the stories!

Great fun working with you, Repertor! :beer:
 
Kissed back to health by Barbaria, who then firmly turns down all Wragg's pleadings to come back to England.

Hondo and the other dwarves have restored your cottage to picture book condition, Madiosi has filled it with beautiful paintings, you and Barb spend long candlelit evenings in front of the fire, long sunny afternoons strolling hand in hand through fields of wheat swaying gently in the warm summer breeze, laughing at the antics of your own pet squirrel.

Meanwhile Wragg goes back, alone, to a cold, draughty castle to await his next mission from King Arthur: Sir Rupert and the Deadly Danes.

Kissed back to health? In a little cottage in France? Candlelit evenings? In front of the fire? Hand in hand? Wragg paints an idyllic picture here Messa ..... Hmmmmmmm :rolleyes:;):p
 
Back
Top Bottom