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The Trials of the Scholar Barbara Moore

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Trials in Lesbia are held before the capital’s elders. The guilty accused is presented from the constable’s balcony. They are presented naked to save time stripping the person once if they are found guilty. The same holds true for Barbara Moore who is being tried for arranging the execution of Piper Marie. Though not stated the accused is considered guilty unless, without the benefit of a lawyer’s assistance, he or she can prove their innocence. The jurors rarely find a reason to even doubt the queen’s charges.

Barbara is brought to the balcony. She is not bound but there are enough guards that Barb knows there is no chance of escape. Constable Jollyrei orders her to present herself to the elders. Barbara does so but is somewhat awkward posing bare before the jurors.
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This bastard Jollyrei is having me pose like a slave on the auction block. He points out all my ‘attributes’ then asks the elders if someone like me could possibly have arranged for Piper Marie to be hanged. My spirits rise as the elders agree that I am an unlikely suspect. They fall just as quickly as Jollyrei says “She is counting on you being enamored with her womanly charms. You have a duty to find this murderous bitch guilty as charged!”

Murderous bitch’??? I have slept more than a few times with Jollyrei. It was academic research mind you but for the pompous bastard to dare say this about me is an outrage! But his rant is effective as the elders begin to chant “Guilty… guilty… guilty!!!”

I angrily shout “Why not charge me with plotting to kill Queen Deborah while you are at it?”

The absurdity of my statement soars over their heads and I am swiftly convicted of killing Piper Marie and plotting to kill my queen. This is not my day. I spend the night chained in the dungeon. It is damp and the air reeks of human waste. It is a foul place but I can’t complain. It was my idea to make the dungeon even a less desirable place to be.
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I don’t know how long I was in the dungeon- perhaps a couple of days I guess. With my wrists bound behind my back I am bathed with coarse brushes and dirty water from a bucket. I am to be presented to Queen Deborah to hear my sentence. I picture having to kneel and offer my neck to the chopping block.
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I am being far too optimistic. I am led into the queen’s chamber naked but for the ropes binding my wrists. The guard reminds me I am already a convicted prisoner and if I don’t behave I’ll get to learn what it feels like to be ass-fucked by one of the brushes I was scrubbed with. If I thought my day was going poorly it gets worse as I walk into the chamber. Queen Deborah is reclined in her chase attend to by the servants Judith and Messaline. Standing before her is the barbarian Tree. He must have been drinking witches herbs as he looks rather buff for his age.

“Ah, there is my traitorous slut” Queen Deborah notes as I walk in. I would spit on her in contempt but the thought of that scrub brush’s handle shoved up my bum begs me to behave. I somehow restrain myself.

-Barbara

Queen Deborah says to Tree “This is the wench I want you to execute.”

“Whatever you want… In your country you don’t require a union hang man and you can get her hanged cheaper than hiring me” Tree notes.

“I realize that but not only has she been convicted of plotting the murder of Piper Marie but she was plotting to murder me! This cunt is going to hang but not from a noose! She is going to be crucified for her execution” Debbie says with a cruel laugh. Barbara craps where she stands. Tree doesn’t flinch. They all do that.
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Crucified? Are they crazy? Piper entered the bet with Queen Deborah. I just helped select the winner! I have seen crucifixions here. It is not a pleasant way to die. They can’t possible do this to me!

-Barbara

Well, actually they can and will. Tree says that Lesbia doesn’t require a union crucifixion. Queen Deborah says “She is a member of my court convicted of plotting to murder me with her own admission. You are still a member of the International Brotherhood of Master Crucifixion Technicians I presume.”

“I am” Tree replies.

“Good! I presume you can make this cunt suffer a few days crucified” Queen Deborah says.

“How many days do you want to afford” Tree asks.

This is not good at all for Barb…

Tree
There is something beguiling about the picture of the girl at the chopping block...
 
If “witty” is NW Arkansas slang for doing it with you, forget it. We blue state girls are a lot smarter than you think!
The Arkansas state Motto..."EVERYONE IS RELATIVE".
 
I knew when I was arrested I was a dead woman waiting to die. With a bit of luck I would have my head cut off or at worst be hanged. I have to admit I did my limited defense little favor by sarcastically suggesting I would kill Queen Deborah. The loons in the jury found the joke less funny than I intended. So now I am in a cell with a collar locked around my neck waiting to be crucified.
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I’ve seen this before. By the second day the wench still looks like the woman she was when she was nailed to the cross. Many don’t know who they are and rest wish they don’t.
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I wonder which I will be. I fall asleep and dream of carrying my cross to the hill. It is a hell of walk. I am beaten as I drag the wood up the hill.
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These bastards want my death as painful as…

-Barbara

“Barb… Barb, wake up” Tree yells at Barb.

I wake up and see Tree standing outside the cell. He tells me stand up. I do- I’ve nothing else going on.
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“What do you want? Do you need to measure me” I ask.

“What the hell for? You’ll fit whatever cross you are nailed to” Tree replies before he spits a tobacco-stained quid. “You get crucified soon. I just want you to know if you give me any shit at all I make you last days before you die. Do you get that?”

“I get it” I sigh. “So is it time now.”

“For what” Tree asks.

“Is it time to crucify me” I nearly shout at the idiot.

“Fuck no; that’s days away” Tree says as he rolls a smoke.

-Barbara Moore
 
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