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Checking In For Punishment

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andy01

Magistrate
The trouble with this story is that I only ever meant it to be about the check-in experience. I was going to end it before any actual punishment happened, because we’ve already discussed everything on the agenda, which in many ways is more exciting than actually doing it. But people were so supportive and asking for more, so I continued, but the truth is, at least so far, I just don’t have any great ideas of how to make this stay interesting. I’m sorry. :( Maybe something will hit me...
I know the feeling. It happens. It's not very dignified, but there it is. Don't worry, life goes on.
 

spedoman

Onlooker
I love this story so far. Would love to read the continuation of this story. Knowing what is in store for them and how its carried out adds to the anticipation. There is also a difference between knowing what is going to happen and actually how it gets carried out. So far her emotions have shown us a lot. I also wonder what would have been the consequences if she had not shown up.

Hope to hear the rest soon!!
 

Marcella

Spectator
I love this story so far. Would love to read the continuation of this story. Knowing what is in store for them and how its carried out adds to the anticipation. There is also a difference between knowing what is going to happen and actually how it gets carried out. So far her emotions have shown us a lot. I also wonder what would have been the consequences if she had not shown up.

Hope to hear the rest soon!!

Yes! What if she had not shown up? Why would any sane person voluntarily report to be executed--by crucifixion no less? That's what is never revealed.

I imagine she was condemned to death at some point and allowed to go free to enjoy whatever time she had left until she's notified to report to have her sentence carried out. Getting a certified letter in the mail with a report date would emphasize the relentless, heartless bureaucracy of this particular justice system. And that she was free to go about her business with a death sentence hanging over her head is even more heartless and stimulating. What did she do during that time knowing that she would be ordered to report for execution on some future date. The emotional stress! Wow!

And why is she being executed? Who knows? Should we care? She's clearly not a danger to society being free after her trial. Perhaps she's being executed for political reasons, or no particular reason at all other than to provide some sort of perverse entertainment for the masses. Perhaps she's part of some sort of reality TV show.

And why would she report and not merely run and try to hide, or just kill herself? The authorities have something over her more terrible than her pending execution by crucifixion. Perhaps she knows her family will be executed in her place if she fails to show up. I imagine she has innocent sisters who will die in her place, or something else along this line.

How exciting? Such delicious possibilities!

I've had my own problem with bringing stories to a satisfying conclusion, so I appreciate Juan's predicament. Great story though. Allows for so many possibilities.
 

Juan1234

Governor
Believe as a newbie will restrain myself from further reads by this author. Talented, but there is a certain rudeness that becomes old with the persisting penchant to abandon stories.
Speaking only for myself, I finish my stories. I understand if real life intervenes, but then if you start other stories, that isn't why you didn't finish. Sometimes it's hard to come up with a good ending, but you owe the readers a decent attempt IMO.
Do I get any credit for bringing Jedakk back???
 

jedakk

CARNIFEX MAXIMUS
Do I get any credit for bringing Jedakk back???
There is that! You have to give Juan credit for some great story ideas. Several of them really made me imagine where they could go. Sentence Negotiation, I kept checking back to see if he was going to finish, then after several months I started writing down where I imagined that story could go, and it became "The Throwaway Girl." I had to come back here to share it with others.

Juan comes up with great ideas but has trouble taking them further. I tend to think more in great detail. I don't do well with short stories. Mine keep spinning out until they become novels, but they have to start somewhere.
 

malins

Stumbling Seeker
Speaking only for myself, I finish my stories. I understand if real life intervenes, but then if you start other stories, that isn't why you didn't finish. Sometimes it's hard to come up with a good ending, but you owe the readers a decent attempt IMO.
Not sure about "owing the readers".

After all it's a forum, and not a paid subscription site where people download ebooks or so.

Not everyone who starts a narration here, is acting as if they are a professional writer working on a contracted piece ...

On a forum you can do experiments and explorations, scenes and vignettes, and just put out works as you create them.
The same goes for artwork, you can post test renders or sketches or partly colorized drawings or whatnot ...

All of them can be inspirations, create ideas in the minds of others ...

The question might be ...

would it really be better to not ever have had all the artwork that is not carried to a formal conclusion?

And anyway, the "unprofessional" writers sometimes do get back and finish their stories after a long time ... see for instance Kristin's Crucifixion ...
 

Horseman68

Executioner
Juan, gold-star credits galore forever. Not just for providing the inspiration for Jedakk’s incredibly brilliant return, but rather your many, many gifts to us readers from one of the most imaginative and prolific minds on the the site. Any of my comments, and likely Windar if may say, only reflect the what-ifs and if-onlys that are engendered in your readers — including obviously grandmasters as Jedakk.
 

jedakk

CARNIFEX MAXIMUS
Well thank you. I don't have any plans to continue this one at the moment, but we'll see. Mostly I would need some inspiration for how the rest would unfold in a way that would be fresh and justify the time and effort to read. :)
I understand where Juan is coming from. I was inspired by one of his stories, "Sentence Negotiation," to write "The Throwaway Girl" in which I incorporated his story at the beginning, made a few changes, expanded it then took off with it. The damn thing is the length of a novel now, and people say they like it. As much as I like "Checking in for Punishment" I'm afraid if I tried to write a story based on it, it might end up sounding too much like the last chapters of "The Throwaway Girl."

We already know that Jessica is going to be taken from the waiting room and crucified. There could be description of her whipping, carrying her cross, being nailed and raised. What then? Crucifixion is slow, agonizing and tedious as hell. Up, down, up, down, how many times can you describe that? You need another story running along with it to fill in the dead time and make it interesting.

In "The Throwaway Girl," there was torture and whipping on the cross, the obnoxious TV reporter was interviewing her, the lawyer and the judge were trying to find a legal loophole to get her taken down from the cross, there was the stupid bureaucracy, and her brother the sniper was setting up to shoot her and put her out of her misery. Believe me, I was grasping for whatever story threads I could weave in to bolster up a five-day crucifixion. It is NOT easy.

Juan has these great ideas, inspiring, actually. I have loved every one of his I've read. But I think it's too much to ask him to build a complete story that will hold our interest to the end, that's not what he does. He has ideas, scenarios that are fascinating. That's his gift.
 
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