• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

Room 67 - Full Story In Three Parts

Go to CruxDreams.com

jacksjg89

PROCRASTINATOR
Again, special thanks to my editor Eulalia


Part 1

A young woman crept through the basement floor of St. Joans in nothing but a white lab coat that had “Dr. S Blanketship” printed on it. She was completely barefoot, her black hair was a mess, and she was shivering with panic. She dodged from room to room, checking hallways looking around corners, but everything seemed quiet. She had no idea how long it had been, and she had even less of an idea of what time of day it was. There were no windows in sight, nor were there stairs.

Wait, there’s some over there, behind that padlocked gate. She walked over to it, taking special care not to draw attention from anyone keeping watch above the landing, and then looked for any weak link in the chains. Her toil determined that there were 216 squares in the gate, and 28 triangles, but she still couldn’t get through. Then she had an idea!

There was a closet by the way, large enough to fit a slender girl like herself in it. She would take this beaker full of unidentified liquid and toss it- Wow, that was loud.

Without a second to lose she hid herself in the closet, and waited for the sound of a gate unlocking.

Footsteps, the clinking of metal, more footsteps, mutterings, male mutterings, and then fading footsteps. Silence.

But the young woman remained where she was. There were good odds that there was no one on the other side of the closet door, but what if she was wrong? She would never have another chance to escape again. Eternity would be spent in Room 67. She would kill herself before returning there. She had the small shard of glass in her pocket, ready for such purpose.

Slowly, with one hand in her pocket, she peeked out, to find it all clear. She still gripped the sharp remains of the large pill bottle. The gate was closed, yet it unlocked in front of her. All she had to do was lift up the handle, and…

The force of the electric shock force her back, screaming, and she slammed against the counter, her weapon falling from her hands, and her coat falling open to reveal nothing underneath. And just then, two men in white lab coats stepped out from their own cupboards to examine the patient.

Soon, the room was full of male doctors looking down at poor 67, sobbing uncontrollably and trying to keep her coat wrapped around her. The doctors tried to help her up, but she didn’t want help. She wanted to die. She curled herself up into the tiniest little ball and rolled back and forth in misery.

This went on until doctor Simon Blanketship, still rubbing the back of his head, entered the room with the intention of returning 67 back to 67. And to retrieve his lab coat. Though he was wearing pin stripe pants, a white collar shirt with blue stripes, a vest with a watch chain hanging out of his pocket, and black leather shoes valued at $400, he felt practically nude without his lab coat.

“But she won’t get up doctor?” said one of the male nurses.

“Then pick her up,” said Dr. Blanketship, not feeling particularly happy with his patient.

Protocol was that force was never to be used, unless the doctor in charge of the patient authorized it. This being the case, the stronger nurses untangled the girls fingers and stretched her arms in front of her, and then proceeded to yank the coat off of the girl, to the distress of the doctor, who was concerned about the condition of his favorite article of clothing.

“Be careful you imbeciles,” he hissed to the nurses. But he need have had no anxieties. His coat was returned to him in perfect condition, and once he put it on he felt fully clothed again, unlike 67, who was completely naked.

She took advantage of a moment of freedom to dive for her glass shard, crawled into the corner of the room, her bare backside against the cold plaster, one hand holding the glass up to her neck, the other doing a poor job of covering her overgrown bush, which all those present were very familiar with, as they were with her small breast that sagged ever so slightly, remaining exposed.

“Don’t come near me,” 67 threatened.

The young skinny nurse looked worried, while the other stronger nurses were mildly confused about what they should do. But Dr. Blanketship, straightening out his precious coat and showing unconcern for the pale, nude girl, backed into the corner threatening to cut her throat, simply asked, “And why, my dear, should we come near you?”

“You want to put me in that room again. You’re going to let demons hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt by demons or anyone. I would rather die.”

“Young lady,” said the doctor in condescending, restrained anger, “This is a hospital, not a bondage dungeon. People come here because they wish to get better. You, it would appear, have no such desire. You say that you do not wish to return to your apartment in this establishment, and I tell you that you are no longer welcome in this establishment.”

When she heard this, 67 took the glass away from her neck, and used that arm to cover her breast. “You’ll... just let me go?” She asked, astounded.

After he had finished straightening his coat, Dr. Blanketship pulled a piece of yellow cloth from his chest pocket and used it to polish his glasses. “We are not just letting you go. We are sending you away. If you wish to kill yourself, you may do so elsewhere. I’m afraid we can do nothing more for you here at St. Joans.”

It had been a long time since 67 had last smiled. In fact, she had had another name back then, which has since been lost. “That’s fine,” she said, giddy with excitement, and reaching the point of hysterical laughter. “That’s alright. Just tell me how I can get out of her. Also, I need some clothes. And I also need my name. But if you don’t have that, I really need clothes.”

“I can see that. Going around naked in public is not the behavior of a healthy person. If you go through the gate and up the stairs, you’ll get to reception. They will have the clothes you came in with, as well as your wallet with all your identification cards in it.”

“Thank you,” said 67, passing over the opportunity to point out that it was the hospital that had kept her naked throughout the entire length of her stay, which had lasted longer than she could remember, but which was finally coming to an end. “Thank you. I’ll be leaving then,” And she moved sideways, still trying to cover herself with her back to the wall.”

“Goodbye.” Said the doctor.

“Goodbye,” She said, as she lifted her hand from between her thighs to push the gate open, only to remember too late. Once again, she dropped her glass shard, which shattered beyond use as she was thrown, forward this time, headlong into the counter. Next this she knew, the nurses had a tight grip over her arms and were escorting her back from the way she came.

“Reverse psychology,” said Dr. Blanketship to the young nurse. “It never fails.”
 
They walked, the two men with a firm grip on the naked girl’s elbows. Every ten steps, she made a futile attempt at resistance, with caused minor inconvenience, and earned her a flick on the side of the head that increased the volume of her sobs.

Through hall G, which was normally very quiet on account of there being no occupants, she demanded that they let her go, because she didn’t want to be there. She was marched through hall F, where patients who would never see the light of day again made lewd and disgusting remarks at her over her pleas for the doctor to just kill her. Dr. Blanketship remained silent, not taking his eyes off the scrawny white figure between the two large nurses, being dragged down the windowless cells of Hall E, her pale bottom waggling in front of him.

Right as the skinny nurse was locking the door, 67 looked at the doctor, and said “Please, can I just have some clothes, like the other inmates are wearing.”

Dr. Blanketship shook his head sadly. “Young lady, you are not ready for clothes. Clothing is for those who have a regard for their wellbeing. Right now, you are a danger to yourself, so you shall remain naked until you see the value in your life.”

“Please,” she sobbed. “I promise I won’t hurt myself. You can leave me chained up so I can’t do anything.”

“We’ll have to do that anyway,” said the doctor, following the patient into room 67. “Additional security is needed in your case, especially,” he added, rubbing the back of his head, “after your shenanigans of today.”

Room 67 had walls, floor, and ceiling of padded cushions, with five lights above covered by iron grates, though only the center one was on. Other than that, there were only two sets of chains, attached to either end of the narrow room.

“Please,” she screamed, as steel cuffs were fastened around her wrist and ankles so that she had her bare back to the door.

Dr. Blanketship stepped in front of 67 and gazed at her. He had restraint, but that did not mean that he did not admire her beauty. Her body was stretched out in almost a perfect X, and tears ran down her face as she looked up at him, and then bowed her face in shame. She did have quite a lot of pubic hair though. He had been trying to get rid of it during her gynecology exam when she had assaulted him. “Tell me, child. You are a very beautiful woman. Why do you need clothes?”

And 67 looked up at him, with hope in her tearful eyes. “They won’t come for me unless I’m naked. The demons. They touch my body inappropriately and use me. But they won’t come if they can’t see my private bits.”

“Now is that the answer a rational person would give?” Asked the doctor.

And that’s when all hope began to drain from her. “Please, you must believe me,” she pleaded, but he had already begun to walk behind her. She tried to look back, to call him back. “Please, don’t leave me naked. Give me some clothes. Please. I promise-” But her promise was muted by the wet sponge that was shoved into her mouth, and sealed shut by a strap of duct tape over her lips. She felt a gentle pat on her bottom, then the door closed behind her, and as the lock began to turn, the light went out, clothing 67 in darkness.
 
What does one think about in this situation, naked and chained spreadeagled, standing up, with nothing but darkness for company and no way of sleeping in this position? She could only mourn the hopelessness of her situation for so long, before she ran out of tears and sanity. So she reached back into her memory, into her childhood, and found a song that she could hum to herself, a little place of comfort in this dark cold cell. She closed her eyes, and pretended she had a portable CD player, and was listening to the first cool album she had ever gotten. And so she hummed into her gag the words she heard in her head.

My loneliness is killing me
I must confess I still believe
(Still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign


“Isn’t the next line, ‘Hit me baby one more time’?”

She was dragged back to the present by a hand across her face. She opened her eyes to see, bathed in blue light, a demonic face in front of her, the scariest of smiles adorning his evil face. And 67 could do nothing, not that she didn’t try. She tried to head-butt the monster, she twisted in her bonds, and pushed her pelvis away from him. But as the blue light switch to crimson then she was grabbed from behind, by some unseen spirit, and as she pushed forward, the demon in front of her stuck two fingers up her, and pulled. She had run out of tears and will to resist. They did what they wanted to her and the most she did was grunt into her gag. And when the demons left her, cum and semen staining the padded floor, patient 67 lay limp in her chains, enveloped in green and yellow illumination.

“That was rotten,” said the one man, throwing off his Halloween store devils mask. “She didn’t cry, or scream, or shake her head when I choked her. “Cunt just stood there looking at me.”

“That’s right,” said the other, throwing off his zombie mask, purchased from the same store. “Last time she was all begging us to leave her alone, even tried saying the power of Christ compels us, right before she blew me. Now she was just humming pop songs from psycho bitches crazier than her.”

“I’m very sorry you were dissatisfied,” said Dr. Blanketship, counting 100 dollar bills. “We’ve been having a few problems with this one recently, and might have to retire her soon. Still, you can’t say you gained no pleasure from her. She’s still just as pretty as the day we brought her in.”

“Not worth the 1500 we both paid,” said the first man.

“Would you say she was worth 1200 judge?”

“I would say she was worth about 700,” said the second man.

“And that, sheriff, will be the price you pay for her in the future. However, I will be more than happy to give you back 500, in light of your dissatisfaction.”

“We’ll take it,” said the judge, receiving his refund from the doctor, “but don’t expect us to ask for her again. She’s useless now.”

“Well if she’s useless to you,” said the doctor, weighing his unsatisfactory stack of Franklins in his hand, “She’s obviously less use to me. You fine government employees wouldn’t want to purchase her from a special one time use, would you?”

The-end.jpg
 
I appreciate you saying this. Do you think the last scene could be fleshed out, or did you want the story not to end there?
I loved the uncertainty and the atmosphere.... More and longer would have been great.... The ending was very sharp, but well crafted I think.... Just me being greedy!!!! :devil::D
 
I loved the uncertainty and the atmosphere.... More and longer would have been great.... The ending was very sharp, but well crafted I think.... Just me being greedy!!!! :devil::D

Thank you. As it is, this story is complete. It's one of the few things I actually have completed.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Well, as I told Jacks when I first saw it, I think it's a very well crafted short story,
and writing a good short story can be a lot harder than writing a long one.
The way the dark, oppressive sense of tension builds up,
the ghastly shock of shattered false hope,
and the sense of cynical evil triumphing at the end
are all handled with skillful economy, not a word too many or too few.​
 
Im with PK! I just wanted more because it was so good! The ending was beautifully crafted though. Giving the reader just enough info to let their mind wander about what's next...:eek:
 
I loved the uncertainty and the atmosphere.... More and longer would have been great.... The ending was very sharp, but well crafted I think.... Just me being greedy!!!! :devil::D

I'm with the other comments, it was built up nicely with suspense, menace and created a desire to know what was going to happen next, then seemed to finish rather too soon. Still, the artist knows what they want to achieve, so I bow to your wishes, Jack.

PS here's a pic of 67 being prepared for her night in the cell
 

Attachments

  • 459531_4.jpg
    459531_4.jpg
    63.7 KB · Views: 85
I'm with the other comments, it was built up nicely with suspense, menace and created a desire to know what was going to happen next, then seemed to finish rather too soon. Still, the artist knows what they want to achieve, so I bow to your wishes, Jack.

PS here's a pic of 67 being prepared for her night in the cell

No, criticism is always welcomed, and there was a plan to make this a longer piece, but does it really need that if she's gone insane? Or do you think that the last scene should be stretched out?
 
Oh i take it you had fun writing this! In regards to the ending, as long as it's clear that the insanity point has been made, then the ending is fine. I think it's resolved.
 
Oh i take it you had fun writing this! In regards to the ending, as long as it's clear that the insanity point has been made, then the ending is fine. I think it's resolved.
Thank you, and I hope you had fun reading it.
 
She has been rendered insane by the end... I like the open ended ending too. I wonder what elephants on parade level maddness might happen to her during that ominous "one time use"?
 
No, criticism is always welcomed, and there was a plan to make this a longer piece, but does it really need that if she's gone insane? Or do you think that the last scene should be stretched out?

may i add if 67 is useless to dr. blanketship he could possibly consider to sell her to an old acquaintance of his, a wealthy farmer and decent landlady in som southamerican estate, who will have her crucified during a party for the pleasure of her guests, admiring her pubic hair, which, as i am afraid, is nowadays somewhat ouf of fashion?
 
Back
Top Bottom