mp5stab
Hair and Nails
(Please don’t take any of this seriously. Please use an actual workout routine. This is not medical advice. This is not even good advice.)
Are you a serious masochist? Fo you like working out, but hate how it’s not painful enough? Don’t you hate how it makes you live longer and feel healthier? Do you want to quickly take years off of your life, but not in ways that will make you ugly like overeating or alcoholism? Then I have the perfect exercise for you: Crucifixion!
Female crucifixion has roots as far back as ancient times, and may be one of the oldest contiually practiced olympic sports!
Hundreds of women from every country participated in last years summer games, where they were pitted head-to-head in their struggles to endure the cross. There were suprises, upsets, drug scandals, and permanent physical damage — everything an olympic sport needed! Unfortunately, most of them survived, and some of them have seen fit to volunteer for another shot at the crown of thorns. This year’s winter olympics is set to be the biggest yet, in terms of both athletes and audiences. Every woman who makes it past the prequalifying round is guaranteed a place, naked on a cross.
So, what does it take to be an olympian? What rigorous training do these women endure to survive as long as possible? We took a look at the weekly routine of some of the top picks of this year’s batch, and made a routine to best prepare for the cross.
(Feel free to tag in with stupid exercises)
Are you a serious masochist? Fo you like working out, but hate how it’s not painful enough? Don’t you hate how it makes you live longer and feel healthier? Do you want to quickly take years off of your life, but not in ways that will make you ugly like overeating or alcoholism? Then I have the perfect exercise for you: Crucifixion!
Female crucifixion has roots as far back as ancient times, and may be one of the oldest contiually practiced olympic sports!
Hundreds of women from every country participated in last years summer games, where they were pitted head-to-head in their struggles to endure the cross. There were suprises, upsets, drug scandals, and permanent physical damage — everything an olympic sport needed! Unfortunately, most of them survived, and some of them have seen fit to volunteer for another shot at the crown of thorns. This year’s winter olympics is set to be the biggest yet, in terms of both athletes and audiences. Every woman who makes it past the prequalifying round is guaranteed a place, naked on a cross.
So, what does it take to be an olympian? What rigorous training do these women endure to survive as long as possible? We took a look at the weekly routine of some of the top picks of this year’s batch, and made a routine to best prepare for the cross.
(Feel free to tag in with stupid exercises)