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Euphemisms.....

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Diahrroea...

The shits
The runs
Squitty bum
Turkey trots
A load of crap
Wet shits
Downloading software
Splat the bowl
Montezuma's revenge
Spanish Tummy
Dysentery
Loose bowel movements
Butterflies in tummy
Wet farts
Brown water.
Smelly poos
Bad guts
Captain badarse
A bad Curry,(etc,etc.....)
Stinky arse
 
At the other end of the scale, the only euphemism I know for doing a really hard, solid poo is “a clean break”. This is defined as crapping out a stool so rock-hard that your arse shuts with a bang.

To my great delight and amusement, Nigel Farage and other brexiters started talking about a “clean break brexit” in the weeks leading up to the recent General Election; I think that sums up brexit pretty well. Oops, politics :doh:

(yes I am determined to lower the tone of even this thread by talking about diarrhoea and brexit..:p)
 
montycrusto said:
At the other end of the scale, the only euphemism I know for doing a really hard, solid poo is “a clean break”. This is defined as crapping out a stool so rock-hard that your arse shuts with a bang.

To my great delight and amusement, Nigel Farage and other brexiters started talking about a “clean break brexit” in the weeks leading up to the recent General Election; I think that sums up brexit pretty well. Oops, politics :doh:

(yes I am determined to lower the tone of even this thread by talking about diarrhoea and brexit..:p)
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Diarrhoea & Brexit....what's the difference ?? Lol
 
A different euphemism:
Conocer, to know
The Hebrew word לָדַעַת (ladá'at, to know) is used in the Torah as a synonym for intercourse, as for example when in the Genesis it is said that Adam “knew” Eva, hence the euphemism “knowing in a biblical sense,” for having intimate relations.
 
Baracus said:
Diarrhoea & Brexit....what's the difference ?? Lol
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"The brown McFlurry" is also a known euphemism for diarrhoea

Also, going back to male self-pleasuring, I'm reminded of the line "polishing the one-eyed gopher" in this song by the Bloodhound Gang (from the awesomely-titled album "Hooray for Boobies" :) )

 
Apostate said:
"Onanism." (Genesis 38:3-10).
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Interestingly, this passage is used in the encyclical Humanae Vitae that condemned birth control as a scriptural justification, since God does Onan in for "wasting his seed on the ground". They obviously just looked for a text, and didn't bother to read the rest. Onan did this because God had killed his brother Er for unspecified "wickedness" and according to custom it was Onan's responsibility to impregnate his widow Tamar, and Onan didn't want too (it could be God killed him for that, but saying that would be logical and defeat the encyclical's purpose). So, Tamar asks Judah (Jacob's--Israel's--son, and a direct ancestor of Jesus) for his next son Seth. God has already killed two of his sons who had sex with her, so he's a little skittish, and tells her to go home to her father and wait until Seth is older. She gets tired of waiting, dresses as a prostitute with a veil, and snags Judah himself, who can't pay right away but gives her a receipt for a goat. When she starts to "show", Judah orders her burned for prostitution (the "double standard" is quite ancient, it seems). Now that is abortion, appears to be standard operating procedure for dealing with prostitutes, and God who has already killed two people for "wickedness" does nothing, apparently indifferent. Tamar flashes the receipt, and Judah realizes that the twin boys she is carrying (one of whom will give rise to the line of kings of Israel) are his. The encyclical condemns abortion at any stage of pregnancy and for any reason, so whoever wrote it and used the Onan story as justification for the birth control ban apparently missed this part. There's just too much slipshod research these days, I guess--it's hard to get good ghost-writing help.
 
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foggybottom said:
Well over the years I've heard quite a few from acquaintances but I don't know if they would be considered true euphemisms. :rolleyes: Such as; wanking, spanking the monkey, chokin' your chicken, boppin' the baloney, jerkin' your gherkin, pumpin' the pud, etc. ;)
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Cheers foggy. could you repeat that on the other thread ?? please. :)
 
Some Americanisms:
Masturbation
Rubbing one out (male or female)
Polishing/sharpening the sword/knife/bayonet(male)
Doing the five finger shuffle(male, although I guess it could be female too)
Dancing with myself (thank you, Billy Idol):D
She bop (thank you Cindi Lauper):D
Turning Japanese (thank you, The Vapers):D
Urination
Draining the lizard
Lightening the load
Going number one
 
Naraku said:
Some Americanisms:
Masturbation
Rubbing one out (male or female)
Polishing/sharpening the sword/knife/bayonet(male)
Doing the five finger shuffle(male, although I guess it could be female too)
Dancing with myself (thank you, Billy Idol):D
She bop (thank you Cindi Lauper):D
Turning Japanese (thank you, The Vapers):D
Urination
Draining the lizard
Lightening the load
Going number one
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"A date with Miss Palm and her five sisters."

First heard from an Alabama cousin, but I have no idea if it sprang from the American South.
 
Naraku said:
Doing the five finger shuffle(male, although I guess it could be female too)
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"five knuckle shuffle" is used here for (as Emma Watson insists on putting it) womens' "self-partnering"

Also "diddling"
 
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