M*A*S*H DIARY

[Madiosi]

Even the doctors seemed a bit concerned when they visited me last night. Captain Jolly was thinking about the possible need for a casket and Captain Wragg alluded to the possibility that Colonel Phlebas might intervene before my whipping got too far out of hand. I could only hope.

 

[Madiosi]

“Now, now ladies, you just do whatever it is you were going to do and pretend like I’m not here,” Captain Windar Goldman uttered jauntily as he breezed into the tent.

 

[Loxuru]

But don't they practice....crucifixion of nurses?

Making their preferences not so different from those of the average CF member!

 

[Barbaria1]

“Now, now ladies, you just do whatever it is you were going to do and pretend like I’m not here,” Captain Windar Goldman uttered jauntily as he breezed into the tent.

Good, but goes best with the part where the good Father extends words of comfort before Lieutenants Moore and Brave are sent to the whipping posts.

 

[Madiosi]

Good, but goes best with the part where the good Father extends words of comfort before Lieutenants Moore and Brave are sent to the whipping posts.

Feel you free, to positioning the manip on the right place.

 

[Jollyrei]

Eulalia was right! Go out there when the time comes, step up, take the lash, and do her proud.

Representing perhaps the first time Barb has responded to Eul's tutelage.

Would I scream? Would I cry?

One can hope.

“Get up! It’s time! On your feet. Macht Scnell!” screams Connoisseurs.

Well, really. This unseemly noise so early in the morning is very disturbing. Some decorum please.

“Dear Lord, look down this morning upon Lieutenants Moore and Brave as they dutifully step up to their whipping posts and raise their arms above their heads to be tethered in place.

Um, Father, a little less of the vivid imagery might get everyone into a more suitably religious frame of mind...oh well, what's done is done. Amen, I suppose.

 

[Barbaria1]

Representing perhaps the first time Barb has responded to Eul's tutelage.

One can hope.


Well, really. This unseemly noise so early in the morning is very disturbing. Some decorum please.


Um, Father, a little less of the vivid imagery might get everyone into a more suitably religious frame of mind...oh well, what's done is done. Amen, I suppose.

The Vatican must be looking the other way again

 

[Barbaria1]

9 April 1951

Dear Diary,

It’s been quite a day, and it’s far from over as I scribble this entry.

It all began at daybreak. Lieutenant Brave and I were marched out onto the parade ground. I was naked and Erin was barely clothed as a fife and drum, weirdly enough, performed some kind of death march.

The whole thing was bizarre, to say the least. The entire unit had turned out to witness our flogging as though it was to be some kind of carnival spectacle. There were even faces I’d never seen before. Frivolity was in the air. I was feeling like a victim going before the Roman Circus! If I hadn’t known better I would have thought the whole affair was just a bad dream.

But it was, in fact, quite serious. We had been sentenced, in a farce of a drumhead court, to a military flogging ... 96 lashes for me and 48 for Lieutenant Brave. And as we approached the starkness of the two stout whipping posts ... erected side by in the middle of the parade ground during the night, and each casting a long dark sinister shadow on the neatly raked parade ground gravel ... my stomach lurched and turned. I thought I was going to throw up from sheer terror ... or was it that witch’s brew of booze, Madame Wu’s and Joan’s Horny Potion consumed during the night?

In any case, they lost little time in tethering us, arms over head, to the waiting posts. Lieutenant Brave went to her post stoically and said nothing as they ripped her flimsy slip from her upper torso.

I did as I always do. I spun about to face them and complain loudly about the total injustice of it all. I was sternly rebuked, told to shut up and face the post.

Our sentences were read aloud. Head Nurse Eulalia delivered a few last needless words of instruction and encouragement, and our two floggers took up position behind us. I braced myself and sucked in my breath. The crowd grew silent in rapt anticipation.

A shrill fife note and a rapid drum roll heralded the imminent delivery of the first lash.



And it came with a vengeance, the force of it slamming my chest hard against the whipping post and taking my breath away as the ends of the cat raked and tore at the middle of my bare back. I grunted in shock and pain. It was far worse than I expected.

A second stroke soon followed, and then a third and a fourth, working their way inexorably down my backside to strike at my waist and then my ass. The pain was searing, and by the third stroke I was jumping about wildly and screaming my head off ... to hell with what Head Nurse Eulalia had instructed! The crowd was roaring with delight.

As the dreaded drum roll signaled the fifth, I had had enough. I turned away from the post and began once again to loudly protest, invoking the US Constitution and Bill of Rights, along with the Ten Commandments ... embellishing my litany of complaint with enough profanity to make my Midwestern grandmother roll over twice in her grave! That was enough to prompt Colonel Phlebas to halt the proceedings long enough to have a word with me.



“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Moore? Didn’t Head Nurse Eulalia tell you how to behave properly out here? You’re supposed to be taking your flogging as though you deserve it, not complaining and bitching about everything under the sun. Can’t you see? You’re spoiling a good show! Look at Lieutenant Brave. Not a word. Groans and screams, writhing about ... but not a word of complaint! Now straighten up, soldier, and follow her example! That’s an order!”

I was about to respond by telling him what I thought of his mother and where he could go stick his pitiful prick, but the camp loudspeaker suddenly rasped into life ... to sound the alarm: “We’re under attack. The Chinese have broken through. Bug out! Bug out! On the double! This is not a drill!”

Utter pandemonium ensued. Everyone scattered, running this way and that. The motor pool came alive, spewing out jeeps, deuce-and-a-half trucks, and even an old bus, marked with a Red Cross. Personnel of all ranks were clambering aboard willynilly. The only ones acting with any discipline or decorum were Eulalia’s nurses, who assembled together at the far end of the camp and quickly and orderly settled themselves on the bus, which pulled out last ... lagging at some distance behind the rest of the bugging out convoy.

Erin and I were left hanging nakedly from our whipping posts, totally forgotten. I had called out several times during the general bedlam but no one paid the slightest bit of attention.

“Can you work yourself free?” I said to Erin as the camp grew quiet and I tugged vainly at the leather straps binding my wrists to the top of my whipping post.

“Nope, I can’t.”

“Oh Shit!”

“Can say that again.”

“What do you think the Chinese will do when they see us like this?”

“Probably laugh?”

“That would be the best that could happen, I fear. Do you think the scuttlebutt about the Reds crucifying captured nurses is true?”

“If they do, I hope they can distinguish between a nurse and a JAG officer,” she responded drily.

“That might be difficult given that we’re both naked.”

“Wait! Do I hear something?”

“Yeah. I think so. Over there. Couple of jeeps.”

“Yay! They’ve come back for us! Look, it’s the Captains, Colonel Phlebas, the General and some noncoms.”

The jeeps ... there were three of them ... roared into camp and braked to a screeching halt and a cloud of dust alongside us.

“Thank goodness! You remembered us and came back.” I exclaimed.

“I forgot my Madame Wu’s, magazines and Joan’s lotion,” replied Captain Tree as he fell off the back of a jeep. Picking himself up he staggered off to ‘the swamp’ without looking back.

“Get Moore and Brave down!” ordered Colonel Phlebas.

Connoisseurs and Racing Rodent jumped to carry out his order, but not before Rodent paused long enough to snap pictures of us tethered to our posts from several angles, the last of which I regard as truly offensive and obscene, with his camera.

“Perhaps Lieutenants Moore and Brave would like to show us their gratitude for returning for them? We deserve a little thanks for risking our necks,” suggested Captain Goldman, gyrating his hips suggestively.

“My ass, you do!” I spat at him, indignantly.

“Jolly good. We’ll settle for that,” grinned Captain Wragg.

“I don’t think we have the time.” said Captain Jolly, looking rather funereal. “The Chinese are out there, remember?”

“Hurry!” agreed General Praetorius. “The Commies have to be nearby, and we still need to find the missing nurses’ bus. It never caught up with the rest of the convoy. Probably missed a turn and is lost somewhere near here. We need to get to them before the bad guys do!”

“Right!” Agreed Phlebas. “Moore! Go fetch Tree from the swamp! We’re moving out!”

“Yessir!”

I ran to the tent, where I found Tree hurriedly trying to stuff as many of his nudie mags as he could in a duffel bag.

“Leave that shit behind,” I ordered, as though I outranked him. “Get back to the jeeps. Now!”

Much to my surprise, he startled, dropped the bag and left.

Pleased with myself, I grabbed my diary from my foot locker and a helmet off of Goldman’s cot, put it and the helmet on my head, turned to look at myself in the mirror ... only to be snapped by the ubiquitous Corporal Rodent and his camera ... and ran after Tree.



“You brought a helmet but no clothes?” laughed Captain Wragg as I threw myself into a ‘gunning’ jeep, landing on my backside stretched across his and Captain Goldman’s laps.

“That’s our Lieutenant Moore. Always doing everything ass backwards,” quipped Captain Goldman. “At least she’s not complaining ... yet!”

 

[Madiosi]

As the dreaded drum roll signaled the fifth, I had had enough. I turned away from the post and began once again to loudly protest, invoking the US Constitution and Bill of Rights, along with the Ten Commandments ... embellishing my litany of complaint with enough profanity to make my Midwestern grandmother roll over twice in her grave! That was enough to prompt Colonel Phlebas to halt the proceedings long enough to have a word with me.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Moore? Didn’t Head Nurse Eulalia tell you how to behave properly out here? You’re supposed to be taking your flogging as though you deserve it, not complaining and bitching about everything under the sun. Can’t you see? You’re spoiling a good show! Look at Lieutenant Brave. Not a word. Groans and screams, writhing about ... but not a word of complaint! Now straighten up, soldier, and follow her example! That’s an order!”

 

[Madiosi]

Our sentences were read aloud. Head Nurse Eulalia delivered a few last needless words of instruction and encouragement, and our two floggers took up position behind us. I braced myself and sucked in my breath. The crowd grew silent in rapt anticipation.

A shrill fife note and a rapid drum roll heralded the imminent delivery of the first lash.

 

[Barbaria1]

As the dreaded drum roll signaled the fifth, I had had enough. I turned away from the post and began once again to loudly protest, invoking the US Constitution and Bill of Rights, along with the Ten Commandments ... embellishing my litany of complaint with enough profanity to make my Midwestern grandmother roll over twice in her grave! That was enough to prompt Colonel Phlebas to halt the proceedings long enough to have a word with me.
View attachment 700282
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Moore? Didn’t Head Nurse Eulalia tell you how to behave properly out here? You’re supposed to be taking your flogging as though you deserve it, not complaining and bitching about everything under the sun. Can’t you see? You’re spoiling a good show! Look at Lieutenant Brave. Not a word. Groans and screams, writhing about ... but not a word of complaint! Now straighten up, soldier, and follow her example! That’s an order!”

Our sentences were read aloud. Head Nurse Eulalia delivered a few last needless words of instruction and encouragement, and our two floggers took up position behind us. I braced myself and sucked in my breath. The crowd grew silent in rapt anticipation.

A shrill fife note and a rapid drum roll heralded the imminent delivery of the first lash.
View attachment 700283

Both are great, Madi. Please insert. Thanks

 

[Madiosi]

Both are great, Madi. Please insert. Thanks

Done, Barb!

 

[connoisseurs]

“That would be the best that could happen, I fear. Do you think the scuttlebutt about the Reds crucifying captured nurses is true?”

I don´t know about crucifying, but they love a good show as much as everyone else

 

[windar]

along with the Ten Commandments

Which one of those applies to this situation? Thou shall not covet Barb's tight little

“Get Moore and Brave down!” ordered Colonel Phlebas.

That is awfully kind of him. He could have left you there, you know...

“Perhaps Lieutenants Moore and Brave would like to show us their gratitude for returning for them? We deserve a little thanks for risking our necks,” suggested Captain Goldman, gyrating his hips suggestively.

Seems like a reasonable request...

Pleased with myself, I grabbed my diary from my foot locker and a helmet off of Goldman’s cot

Thou shalt not steal would seem to cover that one...

“You brought a helmet but no clothes?” laughed Captain Wragg as I threw myself into a ‘gunning’ jeep, landing on my backside stretched across his and Captain Goldman’s laps.

Your tight little is big enough to stretch across both our laps?

“At least she’s not complaining ... yet!”

3,2,1...Complain!

 

[Wragg]

That’s an order!

Ooooops!

Tactical error.

She never followed an order in her life.

Do you think the scuttlebutt about the Reds crucifying captured nurses is true?

Nah, just an idle rumour, I'm sure.

 

[Barbaria1]

Which one of those applies to this situation? Thou shall not covet Barb's tight little

That one definitely needs to be added as an eleventh

3,2,1...Complain!

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ooooops!

Tactical error.

She never followed an order in her life.

Not any that I found unjust, which pretty much covers all of them

Nah, just an idle rumour, I'm sure.

Geeee ... I hope your right about that

 

[Barbaria1]

I don´t know about crucifying, but they love a good show as much as everyone else

Don’t you just hate it when they don’t bother to translate the list of crimes? It’s worse than not knowing what’s in the small print!

 

[Loxuru]

Don’t you just hate it when they don’t bother to translate the list of crimes? It’s worse than not knowing what’s in the small print!

Just hope you shall not have to complain about it to the Chinese.

 

[Barbaria1]

Just hope you shall not have to complain about it to the Chinese.

Stop reading ahead

 

[Jollyrei]

I did as I always do. I spun about to face them and complain loudly about the total injustice of it all.

Is that wise? I mean, one does admire the force of your convictions...

along with the Ten Commandments ... embellishing my litany of complaint

Were you worried about adultery, or someone coveting your neighbour's ass tight little?

“What do you think the Chinese will do when they see us like this?”

How well do you know Mao's Red Book?

“Jolly good. We’ll settle for that,” grinned Captain Wragg.

“I don’t think we have the time.” said Captain Jolly, looking rather funereal. “The Chinese are out there, remember?”

Sorry Wragg. Being a bit of a downer there. Still, getting interrupted by the Chinese might also be less than satisfactory. They can be grateful later.