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M*A*S*H DIARY
- Thread starter Barbaria1
- Start date
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
A tactical mistake. Rule number one for a retreating army. Always leave the enemy an easy prize, to get off his mind from pushing on! Leaving Lts Moore and Brave where they were, could have deflected the Chinese from their original battle objectives, once they would have caught them.
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Excellent tactical suggestion. A small sacrifice of expendable personnelA tactical mistake. Rule number one for a retreating army. Always leave the enemy an easy prize, to get off his mind from pushing on! Leaving Lts Moore and Brave where they were, could have deflected the Chinese from their original battle objectives, once they would have caught them.
to secure the safety of the larger, more valuable (the doctor Heroes) group. Too bad the Colonel is a medical guy, not an experienced veteran of WWII combat.
A tactical mistake. Rule number one for a retreating army. Always leave the enemy an easy prize, to get off his mind from pushing on! Leaving Lts Moore and Brave where they were, could have deflected the Chinese from their original battle objectives, once they would have caught them.
What could be happen?Excellent tactical suggestion. A small sacrifice of expendable personnel
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Barb might learn to like Chinese food.
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
What is worse : falling in the hands of the Chinese, or being a 'guest' at Fort Leavenworth Prison?
Now just one judicial technical question - or rather two :
1) suppose the whole party falls into the hands of the Chinese, will it be continued under their authority? It is a legal sentence after all?
2) Since the punishment has been interrupted by an unexpected event, should it, once the circumstances will allow to continue it, start again at stroke #one?
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Easy answersWhat is worse : falling in the hands of the Chinese, or being a 'guest' at Fort Leavenworth Prison?
Now just one judicial technical question - or rather two :
1) suppose the whole party falls into the hands of the Chinese, will it be continued under their authority? It is a legal sentence after all?
2) Since the punishment has been interrupted by an unexpected event, should it, once the circumstances will allow to continue it, start again at stroke #one?
Yes
Yes, but begins at
What is worse : falling in the hands of the Chinese, or being a 'guest' at Fort Leavenworth Prison?
Now just one judicial technical question - or rather two :
1) suppose the whole party falls into the hands of the Chinese, will it be continued under their authority? It is a legal sentence after all?
2) Since the punishment has been interrupted by an unexpected event, should it, once the circumstances will allow to continue it, start again at stroke #one?
I leave those questions to my legal counsel, Lieutenant Erin Brave, to grapple with. She always has my back.
In the meantime, answers to all pertinent questions will be revealed in my next diary entry, coming later today. Stay tuned everyone!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
What could be happen?
"Damn those Chinkies, they've got our sport, and the buggers won't let us watch the crucifixion!!"
Or was it just a dream?
connoisseurs
Senator
They are female rebels. Through their defeat it is proven that female are not equal to menDon’t you just hate it when they don’t bother to translate the list of crimes? It’s worse than not knowing what’s in the small print!
9 April 1951, dusk, somewhere behind enemy lines
Dear diary, I am writing this entry near the end of a long and very trying day.
As already reported, the day began badly at dawn when they marched me and Lieutenant Brave out to be flogged on the 4078th parade ground. Dancing and screaming buck-naked under the lash while bound arms-over-head to a stout whipping post ... in full view of the entire camp (and God knows who else) ... was humiliating, not to mention painful. But fortunately ... as things turned out ... I managed to escape ninety-one of the ninety-six lashes to which I had been ‘unfairly’ sentenced to receive when a Chinese attack suddenly threatened to overrun the area and the 4078th was ordered to ‘bug out’.
In the confusion they forgot all about me and Lieutenant Brave, and left us behind, hanging from our posts ... but in another stroke of unexpected good fortune, some our colleagues eventually missed us and returned to free us before any of the dreaded Chinese bothered to show up.
Rescued just in the nick, Erin and I rode off in the company of our rescuers, joining them in a quest to locate the nurses’ bus, which had somehow gone missing during the bug out.
Our intrepid little search party rode in three jeeps, the first of which was driven by Corporal Rodent, who was as amazingly adept behind the wheel as he was behind a camera. Riding shotgun in the front was Colonel Phlebas. In the back, I was sandwiched between Captains Wragg and Goldman, who held me close as we careened down the rutted Korean roads.
They claimed they were keeping me warm, seen as I had nothing to wear but a helmet. I think it was just an excuse to grab a feel ... something they seemed to do a lot more than I thought necessary.
The second jeep was driven by Sergeant Connoisseurs ... aide to General Praetorius, who rode at his side. Captain Jolly and Lieutenant Brave occupied the backseat with Captain Jolly gallantly shielding Erin’s nakedness within the voluminous folds of his dark hooded cape.
The third jeep was driven by Sergeant Loxoru. MP Emily was at his side. Captain Tree and Major Grave were sprawled in the back ... passed out drunk as an Arkansas skunk and clutching a tattered nudie magazine close to his chest, in Tree’s case. In Graves’ case, I believe it was advancing senility.
Corporal Rodent, who was driving at a furious pace, took us all by surprise when he abruptly spun the nose of the jeep onto a side trail, which led down into a deep ravine. The force of the sudden turn threw those of us in the back of the jeep off to one side, where we ended up in a tangled heap.
“Get the fuck off me!” I hissed at Captain Wragg, who was sprawled over me, face buried between my open thighs ... inches from you know where.
“Beg pardon, what?” he grinned with a leer.
Turning to Captain Goldman, who was beneath me, I snarled, “Hey! I’m not one of your New York subway hand straps. Kindly let go of my boob!”
“What made you turn there, Corporal?” gasped Colonel Phlebas, as he straightened his helmet from its cockeyed position on his head.
“Because the nurses’ bus made a wrong turn there.”
“And you know that how?”
“You have to ask?”
But wonder no further ... sure enough ... Rodent had sensed it ... there was the nurses’ bus! ... just around the next hairpin turn in the road ... sitting on the side of the road ... seemingly abandoned.
Our little column came to a halt, pulling up alongside the bus. Sergeants Connoisseurs and Loxoru leaped out, sidearms drawn, to take a look inside
“It’s empty!” reported Connoisseurs from an open window near the rear of the bus.
“Damn!” said General Praetorius.
I think they must have taken off on this path leading up towards that high ridge over yonder,” called MP Emily, who was down on one knee examining the ground for clues.
“Why would they leave the bus?” wondered Colonel Phlebas, scratching his chin and looking very puzzled.
“Because they had no choice!” announced Sergeant Loxoru triumphantly, emerging from the bus with an armload of nurses uniform blouses and assorted underclothing. “They must have been captured by the Chinese and taken away ... apparently without much clothing!”
“You ... you ... don’t think ... “ I stammered, wide-eyed “.. I mean ... well ... you know ... we heard the rumors ... could it be that the Chinese took them off to crucify them?”
“Mmmmmmmm ...” replied Captain Jolly, with that strange distant look he often has.
“If so, it’s up to us to rescue them!” declared Captain Wragg. “We’re their only hope, what?”
“Whazzat?” burped Captain Tree as he rolled over and fell out of the back of the third jeep.”
“Alright, troops!” grunted General Praetorius, asserting his rank and taking command. “I say we follow this trail and see if we can find out where the Chinks have taken our fair nurses. Sergeants Loxoru and Connoisseurs will take the point. The rest of us will follow at a distance. MP Emily and Corporal Rodent will be the rear guard.”
“Wouldn’t it be better and safer to go for help?” suggested Goldman, who was looking uneasy and far from heroic. “We’re not really equipped for a fight should it come to that, are we? Only the sergeants and MP Emily are armed and only with sidearms ... Hell, Lieutenants Moore and Brave aren’t even clothed ... and besides, soon it will be dark.”
“No, we stick together,” replied Colonel Phlebas, as he sucked himself up for a stirring, John-Wayne-style, inspirational speech. “Come on people. Our nurses are in deep shit. Time is of the essence. We’re their only hope. What we lack in firepower we’ll make up in stealth and guile. The Chinese have to be distracted by a pack of naked nurses. Who wouldn’t they be? We can probably easily sneak up on them. Let’s move out.”
So off we went, trudging over hill and dale, following a trail that headed back towards the front lines and the sounds of battle. Erin and I were able to scrounge up a pair of boots each that more or less fit our feet from the bus, as well as uniform blouses. But alas, no pants. We surmised that the Chinese must have marched their prisoners off topless. The very thought of that must have instilled fresh determination in the minds of our male companions. Even Tree had roused himself from his stupor and, like the others, was looking ahead alertly as we made our way single-file up a sleep slope. Or was it the sight of Erin and me trudging bottomless up the trail before them?
In any case, after several hours of tramping about ... and of being told at one point by Colonel Phlebas to either stop my incessant complaining or be left behind tied to a tree ... Sergeant Connoisseurs signaled by hand from the head of the column for everyone to get down and be quiet. Loxoru crawled back to us, whispering that the commies and the nurses were up ahead.
Slowly we inched forward on hands and knees. Goldman, who was directly behind me at the time, kept muttering something under his breath about my tight little ... I couldn’t make it out, but could well imagine.
When we had reached the top of a small rise, we fanned out as directed by Sergeant Connoisseurs, and there amongst a scattering of boulders and shell-shattered tree trunks, we peered down on the Chinese and their prisoners. The sounds of battle were nearby.
“We must be near the front lines, probably on the Chinese side,” whispered MP Emily, who had crawled up alongside Erin and me.
“Hill 669,” asserted Corporal Rodent.
“How does he know these things?” whispered Erin, rolling her eyes.
“The same way he always senses when I’m naked and turns up out of nowhere to snap another embarrassing picture,” I said ruefully.
Below us we could see that the Chinese had the nurses bunched together, kneeling on the ground, hands clasped behind their heads. A rope was looped and tied around their necks, linking them to one another, as in a slave coffle. They were topless. The rays of the setting sun glinted off the dog tags dangling between their outthrust breasts. Head Nurse Eul was at one end of the coffle. Nurse Kathy knelt next to her, with Nurse FSG along side her. Altogether, I counted eleven nurses, which meant the Chinese had nabbed all of them because the 4078th had twelve, and the Chinese didn’t have me.
Two or three of the Chinese soldiers stood guard over Eulalia and the others, while an officer oversaw a detail of soldiers who were hard at work piling timbers two at a time on a rickety cart and hauling them up to the next ridge where some other soldiers were setting them upright on the crest in a long row, silhouetted ominously against the glow of a setting sun.
A third group of soldiers were laying out shorter timbers, eleven in all, in a neat row directly in front of the kneeling nurses. Coils of rope and a pile of hammers and a box of what looked like nails lay nearby.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, a little too loudly. “It’s true! The commies are planning to crucify them ... up on that ridge where everyone can see them!”
Fortunately a nearby salvo from a Chinese battery drowned out my voice.
“Bloody Hell,” whispered Colonel Phlebas as he raised a hand to signal that we should withdraw.
So, here I sit, dear diary, bare-assed, my back to a boulder, head in my hands, listening to Colonel Phlebas and General Praetorius argue endlessly over a plan of action and over who should be in command ... as the first pitiful cries and screams, accompanied by the sound of sharp ringing sound of hammers pounding nails, can be heard from just over the vantage point from which we had just withdrawn.
This is not good.
As soon as we have a plan of action in place, assuming that Phlebas and Praetorius can ever agree on one, I will report again.
Dear diary, I am writing this entry near the end of a long and very trying day.
As already reported, the day began badly at dawn when they marched me and Lieutenant Brave out to be flogged on the 4078th parade ground. Dancing and screaming buck-naked under the lash while bound arms-over-head to a stout whipping post ... in full view of the entire camp (and God knows who else) ... was humiliating, not to mention painful. But fortunately ... as things turned out ... I managed to escape ninety-one of the ninety-six lashes to which I had been ‘unfairly’ sentenced to receive when a Chinese attack suddenly threatened to overrun the area and the 4078th was ordered to ‘bug out’.
In the confusion they forgot all about me and Lieutenant Brave, and left us behind, hanging from our posts ... but in another stroke of unexpected good fortune, some our colleagues eventually missed us and returned to free us before any of the dreaded Chinese bothered to show up.
Rescued just in the nick, Erin and I rode off in the company of our rescuers, joining them in a quest to locate the nurses’ bus, which had somehow gone missing during the bug out.
Our intrepid little search party rode in three jeeps, the first of which was driven by Corporal Rodent, who was as amazingly adept behind the wheel as he was behind a camera. Riding shotgun in the front was Colonel Phlebas. In the back, I was sandwiched between Captains Wragg and Goldman, who held me close as we careened down the rutted Korean roads.
They claimed they were keeping me warm, seen as I had nothing to wear but a helmet. I think it was just an excuse to grab a feel ... something they seemed to do a lot more than I thought necessary.
The second jeep was driven by Sergeant Connoisseurs ... aide to General Praetorius, who rode at his side. Captain Jolly and Lieutenant Brave occupied the backseat with Captain Jolly gallantly shielding Erin’s nakedness within the voluminous folds of his dark hooded cape.
The third jeep was driven by Sergeant Loxoru. MP Emily was at his side. Captain Tree and Major Grave were sprawled in the back ... passed out drunk as an Arkansas skunk and clutching a tattered nudie magazine close to his chest, in Tree’s case. In Graves’ case, I believe it was advancing senility.
Corporal Rodent, who was driving at a furious pace, took us all by surprise when he abruptly spun the nose of the jeep onto a side trail, which led down into a deep ravine. The force of the sudden turn threw those of us in the back of the jeep off to one side, where we ended up in a tangled heap.
“Get the fuck off me!” I hissed at Captain Wragg, who was sprawled over me, face buried between my open thighs ... inches from you know where.
“Beg pardon, what?” he grinned with a leer.
Turning to Captain Goldman, who was beneath me, I snarled, “Hey! I’m not one of your New York subway hand straps. Kindly let go of my boob!”
“What made you turn there, Corporal?” gasped Colonel Phlebas, as he straightened his helmet from its cockeyed position on his head.
“Because the nurses’ bus made a wrong turn there.”
“And you know that how?”
“You have to ask?”
But wonder no further ... sure enough ... Rodent had sensed it ... there was the nurses’ bus! ... just around the next hairpin turn in the road ... sitting on the side of the road ... seemingly abandoned.
Our little column came to a halt, pulling up alongside the bus. Sergeants Connoisseurs and Loxoru leaped out, sidearms drawn, to take a look inside
“It’s empty!” reported Connoisseurs from an open window near the rear of the bus.
“Damn!” said General Praetorius.
I think they must have taken off on this path leading up towards that high ridge over yonder,” called MP Emily, who was down on one knee examining the ground for clues.
“Why would they leave the bus?” wondered Colonel Phlebas, scratching his chin and looking very puzzled.
“Because they had no choice!” announced Sergeant Loxoru triumphantly, emerging from the bus with an armload of nurses uniform blouses and assorted underclothing. “They must have been captured by the Chinese and taken away ... apparently without much clothing!”
“You ... you ... don’t think ... “ I stammered, wide-eyed “.. I mean ... well ... you know ... we heard the rumors ... could it be that the Chinese took them off to crucify them?”
“Mmmmmmmm ...” replied Captain Jolly, with that strange distant look he often has.
“If so, it’s up to us to rescue them!” declared Captain Wragg. “We’re their only hope, what?”
“Whazzat?” burped Captain Tree as he rolled over and fell out of the back of the third jeep.”
“Alright, troops!” grunted General Praetorius, asserting his rank and taking command. “I say we follow this trail and see if we can find out where the Chinks have taken our fair nurses. Sergeants Loxoru and Connoisseurs will take the point. The rest of us will follow at a distance. MP Emily and Corporal Rodent will be the rear guard.”
“Wouldn’t it be better and safer to go for help?” suggested Goldman, who was looking uneasy and far from heroic. “We’re not really equipped for a fight should it come to that, are we? Only the sergeants and MP Emily are armed and only with sidearms ... Hell, Lieutenants Moore and Brave aren’t even clothed ... and besides, soon it will be dark.”
“No, we stick together,” replied Colonel Phlebas, as he sucked himself up for a stirring, John-Wayne-style, inspirational speech. “Come on people. Our nurses are in deep shit. Time is of the essence. We’re their only hope. What we lack in firepower we’ll make up in stealth and guile. The Chinese have to be distracted by a pack of naked nurses. Who wouldn’t they be? We can probably easily sneak up on them. Let’s move out.”
So off we went, trudging over hill and dale, following a trail that headed back towards the front lines and the sounds of battle. Erin and I were able to scrounge up a pair of boots each that more or less fit our feet from the bus, as well as uniform blouses. But alas, no pants. We surmised that the Chinese must have marched their prisoners off topless. The very thought of that must have instilled fresh determination in the minds of our male companions. Even Tree had roused himself from his stupor and, like the others, was looking ahead alertly as we made our way single-file up a sleep slope. Or was it the sight of Erin and me trudging bottomless up the trail before them?
In any case, after several hours of tramping about ... and of being told at one point by Colonel Phlebas to either stop my incessant complaining or be left behind tied to a tree ... Sergeant Connoisseurs signaled by hand from the head of the column for everyone to get down and be quiet. Loxoru crawled back to us, whispering that the commies and the nurses were up ahead.
Slowly we inched forward on hands and knees. Goldman, who was directly behind me at the time, kept muttering something under his breath about my tight little ... I couldn’t make it out, but could well imagine.
When we had reached the top of a small rise, we fanned out as directed by Sergeant Connoisseurs, and there amongst a scattering of boulders and shell-shattered tree trunks, we peered down on the Chinese and their prisoners. The sounds of battle were nearby.
“We must be near the front lines, probably on the Chinese side,” whispered MP Emily, who had crawled up alongside Erin and me.
“Hill 669,” asserted Corporal Rodent.
“How does he know these things?” whispered Erin, rolling her eyes.
“The same way he always senses when I’m naked and turns up out of nowhere to snap another embarrassing picture,” I said ruefully.
Below us we could see that the Chinese had the nurses bunched together, kneeling on the ground, hands clasped behind their heads. A rope was looped and tied around their necks, linking them to one another, as in a slave coffle. They were topless. The rays of the setting sun glinted off the dog tags dangling between their outthrust breasts. Head Nurse Eul was at one end of the coffle. Nurse Kathy knelt next to her, with Nurse FSG along side her. Altogether, I counted eleven nurses, which meant the Chinese had nabbed all of them because the 4078th had twelve, and the Chinese didn’t have me.
Two or three of the Chinese soldiers stood guard over Eulalia and the others, while an officer oversaw a detail of soldiers who were hard at work piling timbers two at a time on a rickety cart and hauling them up to the next ridge where some other soldiers were setting them upright on the crest in a long row, silhouetted ominously against the glow of a setting sun.
A third group of soldiers were laying out shorter timbers, eleven in all, in a neat row directly in front of the kneeling nurses. Coils of rope and a pile of hammers and a box of what looked like nails lay nearby.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, a little too loudly. “It’s true! The commies are planning to crucify them ... up on that ridge where everyone can see them!”
Fortunately a nearby salvo from a Chinese battery drowned out my voice.
“Bloody Hell,” whispered Colonel Phlebas as he raised a hand to signal that we should withdraw.
So, here I sit, dear diary, bare-assed, my back to a boulder, head in my hands, listening to Colonel Phlebas and General Praetorius argue endlessly over a plan of action and over who should be in command ... as the first pitiful cries and screams, accompanied by the sound of sharp ringing sound of hammers pounding nails, can be heard from just over the vantage point from which we had just withdrawn.
This is not good.
As soon as we have a plan of action in place, assuming that Phlebas and Praetorius can ever agree on one, I will report again.
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You behave yourself, Goldman... never mind where my hand is...
Trust me, Barb, it's necessary - it's for your own good.
What's known as a 'happy accident!'
At least, a reconnaissance is worth considering
Terrible. Awful. Catastrophic.
Sado and Kuza between them have posted well over 5000 suggestions on 'Ancient Chinese Women Prisoners'
windar
Teller of Tales
Necessity is the mother of invention
Wragg, I've heard you upper class Brits are like that. All boys boarding school and all that, but "GET THAT HAND OFF ME!!!
It is possible to be senile AND drunk...
The resemblance is striking, though, you have to admit
Leave me out of it. I'm getting tired of rescues...
It's called SMART!
I’m not sure that mentioning “boning up” is a good thing to do in front of a highly impressionable company of Chinese soldiers
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
"I'll have a double order of General Tso Chicken to go?"
it probably does mean that if you get the tones wrong