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German and Austrian Culture and Words ( to run away but also having fun with it before )

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Silent_Water

Governor
On the one hand, I know, the last year was not funny at all and the new year did not start very well, too.
On the other hand, some things in human life are so crazy that you can only start to laugh, when you see it and people like ...


... or ...


... said that life is sometimes so absurd that it is only bearable when you make sad jokes about it. So, try to enjoy this and the following postings as I tried and I found them funny - but I am also German and Germans sometimes seemed to like the very dark side of life, e.g. the ancient Nordic / Germanic mythology has the "Götterdämmerung", in which even the Nordic Gods are disappearing in a "world fire" which makes place for a more beautiful world and one of the oldest German "Saga" is the "Legend of the Nibelungs" about "Siegfried, Kriemhild, Brunhild, King Gunther, Hagen von Tronye" etc. and in the end only few survivors are able to tell how jealousy, envy, betrayal, hatred and bloody mass murder with swords led to the fall of one of the richest kingdoms in legendary times of the Middle-Ages.
So: I apologize for my dark kind of humour in the following examples.

At first, an example of the German actor and satirist Oliver Kalkofe, who became famous for a few crazy-funny movies and his ability to find unusual combinations of German words which are funny in the end. Maybe, this is not the best example of him, but fitting for the last year (translation into English below):

Das Jahr mit dem C Wort 1.jpg Annual review to "The Year with the C-Word"

Let's be open and honest with one another. Speak out what is necessary bluntly, without further ado. So to speak: Kicking into the wrinkled pleated ass of the silly fat elephant (of this year) in this room. Because the immovable truth is: Fucking 2020 was by far the most stupid, piss-silly and crappiest shitty year since what-I-know-when! Sorry, but there is simply no more polite way of expressing it. For a long time - seen globally! - there has not been a similar year which has tested the mind, patience and, in general, the humanity of Homo Sapiens as much as this one. And to blame for it is a tiny, invisibly sneaky virus with C, whose name nobody really wants to hear or pronounce anymore.

Although it does not primarily attack the brain, its sheer existence seems to be able to dangerously infect the humanoid center of reason, apparently even without physical contact through mental aerosols via the Internet. Wild delusions, loss of a sense of reality and egomaniacal disorientation are on the package insert under 'Most common side effects'.

But that's how we are. While animals can only experience reality, humans are allowed to have an opinion about it. He doesn't just have to accept the truth, he can evaluate, deny and reject it. If he wants it that way, the earth is flat, the C-word virus is just an invention of the mask industry, climate change is a mistake in the weather forecast, and if you lose an election, you've actually won it. Reality was only invented by the elites to suppress us - let the others prove otherwise! Basically very simple. There are now so many theoretical truths everywhere that you can easily choose the one you like best.
Or you invent your own and put it on the internet somewhere, then some idiots will believe in it. After all, a truth only becomes true when it is accepted as such - when a tree falls in the forest, there is only a sound, if someone is there who can hear it - or something like that which I read on the internet.

So we just have to keep our eyes and ears shut long enough, stick our tongues far out and wait until everything is over, which we may find stupid. This is how you master every crisis. Even the stupid year 2020!

And 2021 will again be super and virus-free with a party guarantee. Honestly, I read it somewhere on the internet! In this sense: Happy New ...!


Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h24m26s_009_.jpg

2021 ... hm ... It really does not start well, when you look at the front pages of European newspapers and the most photographed person in ALL European newspapers during the last two days is this gentleman and really all Europeans suddenly asked themselves many questions, for example: "Who is the man with the horns?"

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h16m44s_002_.jpg "Ah, OK, this must be a remake of 'A Night at the Museum', right?"

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h23m07s_007_.jpg "Mhm, no, it seems to be an advertising-gag because of a sell-out of an old souvenir-shop, right?"

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h20m37s_003_.jpg "Mhm, not really, it seems more to be a theater performance in a real time production about madness in real life."

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h21m52s_005_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_20h21m18s_004_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.09_16h36m36s_003_El Periódico - Actualidad y noticias de última hora - M...jpg
"Ahm, OK, we all can see it now but we cannot believe it! This is really over there on the other side of the Atlantic ocean? Today? In our times? In the 21st century? REALLY?"
 

dfg42

Governor
On the one hand, I know, the last year was not funny at all and the new year did not start very well, too.
On the other hand, some things in human life are so crazy that you can only start to laugh, when you see it and people like ...


... or ...


... said that life is sometimes so absurd that it is only bearable when you make sad jokes about it. So, try to enjoy this and the following postings as I tried and I found them funny - but I am also German and Germans sometimes seemed to like the very dark side of life, e.g. the ancient Nordic / Germanic mythology has the "Götterdämmerung", in which even the Nordic Gods are disappearing in a "world fire" which makes place for a more beautiful world and one of the oldest German "Saga" is the "Legend of the Nibelungs" about "Siegfried, Kriemhild, Brunhild, King Gunther, Hagen von Tronye" etc. and in the end only few survivors are able to tell how jealousy, envy, betrayal, hatred and bloody mass murder with swords led to the fall of one of the richest kingdoms in legendary times of the Middle-Ages.
So: I apologize for my dark kind of humour in the following examples.

At first, an example of the German actor and satirist Oliver Kalkofe, who became famous for a few crazy-funny movies and his ability to find unusual combinations of German words which are funny in the end. Maybe, this is not the best example of him, but fitting for the last year (translation into English below):

View attachment 953517 Annual review to "The Year with the C-Word"

Let's be open and honest with one another. Speak out what is necessary bluntly, without further ado. So to speak: Kicking into the wrinkled pleated ass of the silly fat elephant (of this year) in this room. Because the immovable truth is: Fucking 2020 was by far the most stupid, piss-silly and crappiest shitty year since what-I-know-when! Sorry, but there is simply no more polite way of expressing it. For a long time - seen globally! - there has not been a similar year which has tested the mind, patience and, in general, the humanity of Homo Sapiens as much as this one. And to blame for it is a tiny, invisibly sneaky virus with C, whose name nobody really wants to hear or pronounce anymore.

Although it does not primarily attack the brain, its sheer existence seems to be able to dangerously infect the humanoid center of reason, apparently even without physical contact through mental aerosols via the Internet. Wild delusions, loss of a sense of reality and egomaniacal disorientation are on the package insert under 'Most common side effects'.

But that's how we are. While animals can only experience reality, humans are allowed to have an opinion about it. He doesn't just have to accept the truth, he can evaluate, deny and reject it. If he wants it that way, the earth is flat, the C-word virus is just an invention of the mask industry, climate change is a mistake in the weather forecast, and if you lose an election, you've actually won it. Reality was only invented by the elites to suppress us - let the others prove otherwise! Basically very simple. There are now so many theoretical truths everywhere that you can easily choose the one you like best.
Or you invent your own and put it on the internet somewhere, then some idiots will believe in it. After all, a truth only becomes true when it is accepted as such - when a tree falls in the forest, there is only a sound, if someone is there who can hear it - or something like that which I read on the internet.

So we just have to keep our eyes and ears shut long enough, stick our tongues far out and wait until everything is over, which we may find stupid. This is how you master every crisis. Even the stupid year 2020!

And 2021 will again be super and virus-free with a party guarantee. Honestly, I read it somewhere on the internet! In this sense: Happy New ...!


View attachment 953526

2021 ... hm ... It really does not start well, when you look at the front pages of European newspapers and the most photographed person in ALL European newspapers during the last two days is this gentleman and really all Europeans suddenly asked themselves many questions, for example: "Who is the man with the horns?"

View attachment 953533 "Ah, OK, this must be a remake of 'A Night at the Museum', right?"
I think he is sexy ;-). Asterion I.jpg
 

Migoz2

Senator
On the one hand, I know, the last year was not funny at all and the new year did not start very well, too.
On the other hand, some things in human life are so crazy that you can only start to laugh, when you see it and people like ...


... or ...


... said that life is sometimes so absurd that it is only bearable when you make sad jokes about it. So, try to enjoy this and the following postings as I tried and I found them funny - but I am also German and Germans sometimes seemed to like the very dark side of life, e.g. the ancient Nordic / Germanic mythology has the "Götterdämmerung", in which even the Nordic Gods are disappearing in a "world fire" which makes place for a more beautiful world and one of the oldest German "Saga" is the "Legend of the Nibelungs" about "Siegfried, Kriemhild, Brunhild, King Gunther, Hagen von Tronye" etc. and in the end only few survivors are able to tell how jealousy, envy, betrayal, hatred and bloody mass murder with swords led to the fall of one of the richest kingdoms in legendary times of the Middle-Ages.
So: I apologize for my dark kind of humour in the following examples.

At first, an example of the German actor and satirist Oliver Kalkofe, who became famous for a few crazy-funny movies and his ability to find unusual combinations of German words which are funny in the end. Maybe, this is not the best example of him, but fitting for the last year (translation into English below):

View attachment 953517 Annual review to "The Year with the C-Word"

Let's be open and honest with one another. Speak out what is necessary bluntly, without further ado. So to speak: Kicking into the wrinkled pleated ass of the silly fat elephant (of this year) in this room. Because the immovable truth is: Fucking 2020 was by far the most stupid, piss-silly and crappiest shitty year since what-I-know-when! Sorry, but there is simply no more polite way of expressing it. For a long time - seen globally! - there has not been a similar year which has tested the mind, patience and, in general, the humanity of Homo Sapiens as much as this one. And to blame for it is a tiny, invisibly sneaky virus with C, whose name nobody really wants to hear or pronounce anymore.

Although it does not primarily attack the brain, its sheer existence seems to be able to dangerously infect the humanoid center of reason, apparently even without physical contact through mental aerosols via the Internet. Wild delusions, loss of a sense of reality and egomaniacal disorientation are on the package insert under 'Most common side effects'.

But that's how we are. While animals can only experience reality, humans are allowed to have an opinion about it. He doesn't just have to accept the truth, he can evaluate, deny and reject it. If he wants it that way, the earth is flat, the C-word virus is just an invention of the mask industry, climate change is a mistake in the weather forecast, and if you lose an election, you've actually won it. Reality was only invented by the elites to suppress us - let the others prove otherwise! Basically very simple. There are now so many theoretical truths everywhere that you can easily choose the one you like best.
Or you invent your own and put it on the internet somewhere, then some idiots will believe in it. After all, a truth only becomes true when it is accepted as such - when a tree falls in the forest, there is only a sound, if someone is there who can hear it - or something like that which I read on the internet.

So we just have to keep our eyes and ears shut long enough, stick our tongues far out and wait until everything is over, which we may find stupid. This is how you master every crisis. Even the stupid year 2020!

And 2021 will again be super and virus-free with a party guarantee. Honestly, I read it somewhere on the internet! In this sense: Happy New ...!


View attachment 953526

2021 ... hm ... It really does not start well, when you look at the front pages of European newspapers and the most photographed person in ALL European newspapers during the last two days is this gentleman and really all Europeans suddenly asked themselves many questions, for example: "Who is the man with the horns?"

View attachment 953533 "Ah, OK, this must be a remake of 'A Night at the Museum', right?"

View attachment 953534 "Mhm, no, it seems to be an advertising-gag because of a sell-out of an old souvenir-shop, right?"

View attachment 953535 "Mhm, not really, it seems more to be a theater performance in a real time production about madness in real life."

View attachment 953537 View attachment 953538 View attachment 953539
"Ahm, OK, we all can see it now but we cannot believe it! This is really over there on the other side of the Atlantic ocean? Today? In our times? In the 21st century? REALLY?"


 

Naraku

Draconarius
The man who stole the podium has been arrested.
He's from Florida, of course.:doh:
So has the Viking hat man
 

Silent_Water

Governor
...
He's from Florida, of course.:doh:
...

Being from a colder part of Germany, I always had the impression that many states all around the world with a too warm weather are showing us: Everlasting warm weather is not really good for human brains. ;)

On the other hand, the eBay-picture above with the Speaker podium for sale (real or fake?) reminds me of an old monumental epic historical movie about the fall of the Roman Empire, which was made around the time of my birth and which was for me disappointing in many ways when I saw it a long time ago:


In spite of so many stars, some similarities with the very successful "Gladiator" and costs, it was very unusual because it was always a cold winter in this movie, the story was sad, the Roman Empire was weakened by foreign enemies and everyone except the heroes of this movie seemed to be corrupt.
The end was very disappointing for me because I did not believe, that something like this could ever have happened in the Roman Empire.
After the criminal emperor Commodus was killed in this movie during a fight in the arena (which is historically wrong, here and as well in "Gladiator"), one of the leaders of the Roman Senate (or the commander of the Praetorian guard?) is standing for a speech at the "Forum Romanum" and says - according to my weak memory:

"We, the Senate and the Roman Army are the only institutions which are still functioning in our glorious empire, but we need your financial help, dear Roman citizens. You can hire us and rent our army for only 10 million Sesterces!"

The heros (Stephen Boyd and Sophia Loren) and most Roman citizens are shaking their heads in hopeless disappointment and turning around to go.

"Five million sesterces!"

No answer from anyone any more.

"One million sesterces! Only one million sesterces for the greatest empire and the best army human history has ever known! ANYONE?"


(I thought in those times when I saw this movie that a speech like this was impossible in any time of any human empire, but in the meantime after watching our modern TV news from TV stations all around the world during the last five years, I am not so sure any more... )
 

Silent_Water

Governor
But Germany still has some other problems to solve as we could see in this satirical show:


First some problems with the virus and why we have a bit less vaccination units (in German: "Impf-Einheiten") than we thought. Our German minister for health is still waiting for some packages and wonders what might have gone wrong with them ...

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h07m14s_001_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h16m46s_012_.jpgAshampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h07m55s_002_.jpg ... in the meantime he is watching the thriller "Impf me if you can!"

But the packages were mixed by accident because instead of "weitere Impfdosen" (=further vaccination units), "heitere Strumpfhosen" (= funny cheerful tights?) were ordered because there was an acoustical misunderstanding:

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h18m41s_014_.jpg

In any case, we in Germany seem to have different problems than most other countries - hm - although we have a Catholic archbishop & cardinal in Cologne who has similar problems like his colleagues in some other countries with apologizing his believers for having to endure waiting decades for his apologizes - which in fact did never come - concerning the usual problems with sexual misuse by a priest who is by accident a friend of this archbishop & cardinal Woelki (on the left, the person with the face from a horror movie, not the satirist on the right:

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h11m31s_005_.jpg ... and you may remember the satirical expert Kalkofe for this topic from one of my postings above: Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h12m16s_006_.jpg

Then, next German problem: these are the probably 3 candidates for the job "Chancellor of Germany" in her own party after Angela Merkel will leave during the next elections but Chancellor Merkel is said not to be so happy with all of them:

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h09m42s_003_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h10m36s_004_.jpg

But seen Germany as a whole, we seem to be so lucky not to have such serious problems as many other countries in the world and many of our friendly nations and allies would like to have our current problems instead of their own - at least even our most serious satirists are telling us this story ...

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h13m01s_007_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_09h13m51s_008_.jpg
 
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Silent_Water

Governor
The most discussed problems of Germany during the next weeks will be who will be vaccinated in which categories. The first ones are the old ones and endangered people in hospitals, doctors, nurses etc. Then the firefighters, the police etc.
But then? Who is vaccinated the best in the more normal parts of the society?

For example, who is more important of these both for our society? The hearing aid acoustician or the singer who causes most hearing damages and secures the jobs of the hearing aid acousticians?

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_18h16m59s_002_.jpg

Or who of these two is more important for our society? The satirist explains that - on the one hand - everyone would certainly tend to the person with the job which has more reputation and prestige in our society. On the other hand, sometimes you need a new apartment fast and then you would probably prefer the female real estate agent to be vaccinated:

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.10_18h16m01s_001_.jpg

There are really difficult decisions waiting for us Germans in the future ...
 

Silent_Water

Governor
These are really unusual times. EuroNews is an European news network which was founded in France and as far as I see, the first TV station which had a first link yesterday evening in German to the speech of Schwarzenegger.
Now, about 4 - 5 hours ago and it is right now 11:35 o'clock in Germany, the biggest German and Austrian TV news stations followed with reports about the situation in the USA and linked the speech of Schwarzenegger, too:

https://www.tagesschau.de/ausland/amerika/schwarzenegger-trump-101.html

https://orf.at/stories/3196783/

https://www.zdf.de/nachrichten/politik/us-wahlen-angriff-demokratie-100.html

The German ZDF ("Zweites Deutsches Fernsehen" = "Second German Television") in the last link even warned by the voice of its expert Elmar Theveßen for terror reports about possible terrorist attacks on President-elect Biden during the inauguration celebrations on 19th / 20th of January 2021 because "the most dangerous terrorists are those people who are living in the misbelieve or mistaken belief that they are fighting for the 'absolute good' against the 'absolute evil'!"
Those terrorists can be the nicest and friendliest persons when you meet them and as long as you do not talk about politics with them, but they can commit the worst crimes you can imagine.

An example for such special kinds of terrorists in former reports from this German expert for terrorism was "Ziad Jarrah", who lived in Germany as a student in several cities, obviously had a German girl-friend with oriental origin who studied for becoming a doctor in Germany. He accompanied her into hospitals, always helped everyone he could, e.g. helped many older German people in their retirement homes, made supermarket purchases for old and disabled persons - and finally became a mass murderer because he was obviously the terror pilot of United Airlines Flight 93 !
Hard to believe but he obviously always thought to be the "absolute good guy" and all Germans who knew him simply could not believe that this man finally became a terrorist and mass murderer in the end!
Such persons are the most dangerous terrorists you can imagine because they are "religiously convinced" that they represent the "absolute good" and they can be at the same time the friendliest person you think you will ever meet in your life!

 

Silent_Water

Governor
Although the Covid-19 infections in Germany are rising slower now than in the weeks before, we Germans are afraid, the worst might be still to come because of probably more infections during the Chistmas- and New Year's - celebrations. We now have more than 40.000 confirmed cases of death in Germany.

On the other hand, I am still surprised almost every day how many financial and technical reserves this Germany and our German state authorities still have to spend and what is still in the prepared "stand-by-status".
For about four months now, there is an emergency clinic almost secretly prepared and waiting in Berlin, prepared with brandnew beds and all necessary equipment in a former congress & convention center with 500 beds.

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.11_16h25m21s_001_.jpg

According to this report "The Ghost Clinic" in a German weekly newspaper, it has cost up to now more than 40 million Euros (and the city of Berlin is always said to be on the brink of complete bankruptcy) and it will only be used when all other hospitals in and around Berlin are full. The very young and very old doctors and nurses will be only called in from their studies at German universities and from their retirement when they are needed - and maybe, this will now really be the case during the coming three weeks.


What I find so hard to believe is this: Most other countries around us have almost reached all their limits - even their emergency hospitals are all full. They have nearly no beds free any more and our capital Berlin alone can still open with brandnew equipment an emergency clinic - most of us Germans never heard of before up to this report - prepared only for Covid-19-patients alone with up to 500 beds - even for cases of intensive care !??!

This is somehow incredible for me and like science-fiction in these times!
 

Loxuru

Graf von Kreuzigung
It seems that the German government has a new aircraft for the Chancellor and other high ranked officials.

It is an Airbus A350. The previous plane often had technical problems, so the Chancellor always arrived too late. Bad if you want to uphold a reputation of 'Pünktlichkeit'!

I wonder, when the Cancellor or the President are on board : is is callsign 'Luftwaffe Eins', then?;)
 

Silent_Water

Governor
Well, derived from a German advertising TV spot, the Germans have a relatively new "Snob" -proverb or "Snob"-saying, when they introduce something expensive which their (German) neighbours do not have until now:
"Look, you now have a new Mercedes Benz, a new renovated villa, a new yacht and a new helicopter! How do you do this?"
"Naja, man gönnt sich ja sonst nichts!" (= "Well, you don't treat yourself to anything else!" or "Well, therefore we cannot afford anything else!")
 

Silent_Water

Governor
But I think, it was possibly necessary for Germany's government to buy a newer & slightly bigger airplane because there was a photo in 2016 when the French President Hollande in that time and Chancellor Merkel were invited from Switzerland to the opening of a new Gotthard tunnel which was important for the trade traffic of all friendly states around Switzerland.
On this picture, you see the relatively small jet of Chancellor Merkel in the foreground, right behind the French jet of Hollande is already almost disappearing and then you see the jumbo-jet of the heavy metal band "Iron Maiden". Even our minister of foreign affairs had to twitter: "OK, we have to admit: 'Iron Maiden' has won!"

Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.11_17h35m51s_002_.jpg Ashampoo_Snap_2021.01.11_17h37m09s_003_.jpg


Maybe, this photo was unbearable for the responsible German "Luftwaffengeneral" because after this photo, more and more mysterious technical problems occured in the old "German Air Force One" and last year, after some German government quotations of "Man gönnt sich ja sonst nichts!", this new airplane was bought and introduced, which really looks "pretty" in this video, even a bit "nicer" than in the video before:


In fact, I think, there are now 3 airplanes of this type operating and the one with Mrs. Merkel in it is sometimes called "Mutti Eins" (= "Mummy One"), just for fun even by the flight operators!
 
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Silent_Water

Governor
It is also funny, that in the YouTube comments below of such videos of the new German government's airplanes, sometimes someone is asking:
"Isn't the painting of these machines a bit boring? Couldn't we have painted something more "exciting"?

Usual answer of others: "Hey, this is Germany and Merkel's machine! How could you ever expect something "exciting" from her?"
Or: "This is Germany! We can do everything - except being "exciting"!
Or: "It is a very unobtrusive style and a relatively silent - inside additional carpeting for being even more silent - and efficient machine and that is probably all what counts for her. She never knew what "vanity" might be!"

:eek:;)
 
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Silent_Water

Governor
Some conspiracy theorists are so crazy that I start to believe there must be some truth in the "chemtrail" - conspiracy theory, because it simply must be impossible that so many human beings are so prone to crazy theories.
Something must have made them so crazy during their lifes and my easiest explanation is now another conspiracy theory like this one: Chemtrails are making conspiracy theorists so crazy that they believe in conspiracy theories like that of chemtrails, the combination of Corona, 5G and the big new microchip conspiracy during the vaccination against Covid-19!
:facepalm:

1.jpg 2a.jpg1.jpg2a.jpg etc., etc. ...

By the way: Some 30 of these conspiracy theory "geniuses" came to the house of the prime minister of the German federal state of Saxony, Mr. Kretschmer, when he was shoveling the snow away from his entrance and confronted him with their view on the Covid-19-situation: "The virus would not be worse than a simple flu, the situation is extremely exaggerated and only used to suppress the free will of the German people in order to serve all dark power elites of this world."

He tried to talk with them for about 20 minutes - certainly in vain and finally, Mr. Kretschmer's neighbours called the police because even they thought, this is now much too silly and possibly becoming too dangerous to listen any more:


 
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