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Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
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T
The Fallen Angel
Guest
Tell me some more jokes and you may find out.got the whole, old, cruxdream files?
that could be expected from someone from Sheffield
Naraku
Draconarius
I don't know any Sheffield jokes, but, here's a Scotish one:
Two English ladies (let's call them Julie & Melissa) were strolling through the Highlands one evening, when they came across a local man, in traditional dress, passed out drunk on the side of the road. Melissa said, "You know, I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt", so, with Julie giggling behind her, she walked over & lifted up the man's kilt. After they were done snickering & snapping photos, Julie took a blue ribbon from her hair & tied it around the drunken man's member. After taking some more pictures, the two women walked away, giggling the whole time.
Several hours later, the Highlander woke up & staggered to the nearest tree to relieve himself. He lifted up his kilt & saw his willie with the ribbon tied around it. He was puzzled for a moment, then he smiled & said: "I don't know where you been, laddie. But, I'm glad to see you took first prize."
Two English ladies (let's call them Julie & Melissa) were strolling through the Highlands one evening, when they came across a local man, in traditional dress, passed out drunk on the side of the road. Melissa said, "You know, I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt", so, with Julie giggling behind her, she walked over & lifted up the man's kilt. After they were done snickering & snapping photos, Julie took a blue ribbon from her hair & tied it around the drunken man's member. After taking some more pictures, the two women walked away, giggling the whole time.
Several hours later, the Highlander woke up & staggered to the nearest tree to relieve himself. He lifted up his kilt & saw his willie with the ribbon tied around it. He was puzzled for a moment, then he smiled & said: "I don't know where you been, laddie. But, I'm glad to see you took first prize."
... another oldie near to me...
"...I lay lying in the gutter
When a young lass said
'You can tell the man who boozes,
By the company he chooses.'
And the pig got up and slowly walked away"
T
![jj_dg_ayi-52[1].jpg](/xf/data/attachments/47/47814-f776568345a053ac878d6637acfc541d.jpg)
There's a similar scenario where the Highlander isna quite so moidert -
when Melissa lifts his kilt, she yells "Eek, it's gruesome"
They tak some photies and then, as they wauk awa,
they hear him ca oot,
"Hey, come back lassies - it's gruesome more!"
T
The Fallen Angel
Guest
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Have a seat, Donald...
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
One Clown + one Crux = Funny
x 2 = twice as Funny, no?
(Damn, it worked on the drawing board - not so sure, now...)
T
The Fallen Angel
Guest
![jj_d-02_wgf-44[1].jpg](/xf/data/attachments/48/48021-5e1c9e7e4c62708185e7e5659717dbd0.jpg)
I think the song is worth quoting at a bit more length:
The Famous Pig Song
(Clarke Van Ness, music by F. Henri Klickmann)
'Twas an evening in October, I'll confess I wasn't sober,
I was carting home a load with manly pride,
When my feet began to stutter and I fell into the gutter,
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.
Then I lay there in the gutter and my heart was all a-flutter,
Till a lady, passing by, did chance to say:
"You can tell a man that boozes by the company he chooses,"
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Walked away, walked away,
He was really too particular to stay.
"You can tell a man that boozes by the company he chooses,"
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away.
Then I heard a gentle mooing, it was like a pigeon cooing,
As a home returning cow stopped in her stride,
And her eyes were big and gentle; her expression sentimental,
As she curtsied low and sat down by my side.
Then I saw her eyelids flutter and a tear fell in the gutter,
As the owner of the cow did loudly say:
"Leave that brute this moment, Sonja, or your milk will curdle on ya,"
Then the cow got up and slowly walked away.
Then the moon began to shine in that old gutter I reclined in,
Thinking of the weakness of the human race,
When a dog sat down beside me, and I thought he came to chide me,
Till he gently licked the stubble on my face.
In the gutter, still reclining, I began "Sweet Adeline-ing,"
While the dog raised up his head to loudly bay;
Then his mistress said, "Come, Fido, that disgusting man may bite you,"
Then the dog got up and slowly walked away.
Down the street there came a clatter, and a gentle pitter-patter,
As a pair of goats along the gutter ran;
And it seemed that Billy knew me, for he quickly drew up to me,
While his wife munched on an empty sardine can.
Then again my pulse did flutter, and my heart was soft as butter;
Till the Nanny goat, unto her mate, did say:
"William dear, your social status don't include men such as that is,"
Then the goat got up and slowly walked away.
etc., you can find the rest on http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiPIGINEB4.html
and the music?...................