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Uvm Faculty Barbeque

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thehangingtree said:
Tree is not involved with this story... I fear Sir Despard Wragg will carve you and enjoy the best parts
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book21v- spit.jpg "carve me"??? Yikes, I hope I pass out before then.:eek:

Knowing Chancellor Wragg (originally from the English Lit Dept before he became Chancellor), he will probably compose a poem about my best parts ... more humiliation.:p

I have this image in my head of administrators and faculty sitting at a long table, napkins in their collars, china and crystal laid out before them, holding a menu in their hands with items like "choice cunt filet", "thigh round steak", "breast brisket", and for dessert... :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

But what will the students get? The leftovers, no doubt
 
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To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to complain, a time to fry
A time to sweat, a time to squeal
A time the heat under me to feel

To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

A time to squirm, a time to baste
A time to season, a time to taste
A time to carve and to serve
The faculty of UVM have some nerve

To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

(apologies to the Byrds)
 
Jollyrei said:
Friends don't let friends burn the barbecue. :):devil:
Don't think much of this Merle kid.
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Really, Jolly, he knows what he is doing. While many children were playing traditional sports his grandfather took him to slave roast competitions...

...trust me the kid is good. I brought an extra bottle of Seagram's just so I wouldn't miss any of the show...

Tree
 
Barbaria1 said:
To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to complain, a time to fry
A time to sweat, a time to squeal
A time the heat under me to feel

To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

A time to squirm, a time to baste
A time to season, a time to taste
A time to carve and to serve
The faculty of UVM have some nerve

To everything - turn, turn, turn
roasting on a spit - turn, turn, turn
And a time to suffer humiliation under Wragg

(apologies to the Byrds)
Click to expand...
Yeah, I could put a lighting rod on her cross...

Tree
 
thehangingtree said:
Really, Jolly, he knows what he is doing. While many children were playing traditional sports his grandfather took him to slave roast competitions...

...trust me the kid is good. I brought an extra bottle of Seagram's just so I wouldn't miss any of the show...

Tree
Click to expand...

If he is so good, why am I still looking face down at the red hot coals? Juices are starting to drip off of me and spatter and hiss on the coals below. My hair is wet and plastered to my cheeks, and my boobs are burning while sweat pools in the small of my back. Stop toasting him with Seagram's and tell him to start turning the spit, damnit!!!!
 
Barbaria1 said:
If he is so good, why am I still looking face down at the red hot coals? Juices are starting to drip off of me and spatter and hiss on the coals below. My hair is wet and plastered to my cheeks, and my boobs are burning while sweat pools in the small of my back. Stop toasting him with Seagram's and tell him to start turning the spit, damnit!!!!
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She's just upset about her situation...

...we are still friends (for a while)

Tree
 
Jollyrei said:
Got a few flames there. Get those coals under control or she'll burn. :devil::cool::rolleyes:
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Barbaria1 said:
If he is so good, why am I still looking face down at the red hot coals? Juices are starting to drip off of me and spatter and hiss on the coals below. My hair is wet and plastered to my cheeks, and my boobs are burning while sweat pools in the small of my back. Stop toasting him with Seagram's and tell him to start turning the spit, damnit!!!!
Click to expand...
Any good cook will tell you the meat must be seared to lock in the flavor... that is not the same as 'burning' it! And at this point Barb is just skewered meat that just happens to be alive...
 
thehangingtree said:
And at this point Barb is just skewered meat that just happens to be alive...
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very right Tree, but the fact she is still alive
means her all her juices will be pumping vigorously
thanks to the initial quick burn, tenderising her flesh deliciously
during the long, slow roasting phase...
 
Eulalia said:
funny, I thought it was Ecclesiastes -
he probably nicked it! :p
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'they' did!!!


I don’t know how long ago I was carried to the coals. The asshole that spitted me fucked me but came before I could. I had to finger myself to get off before they bound my wrists

book21s- spit jpeg.jpg

Where was Siss when I needed her? Never let a man do a woman’s job! Then for what seems like an eternity my body is placed over the coals till what must have burned my nipples and labia off. With my wrists bound as they are and the spit out of my mouth allows only my eyes to move so I can’t verify what I feel.

The thirty-year old v-belt is threaded over the pulley somewhere on the shaft beyond my ass and the cracked rubber spins around the small pulley on the fifty-year old washing machine motor.

You can see they spare no expense barbequing me… Finally the spit rotates. The horizon spins in front of me. I’ve seen spit-roasting before but there are small things that I could not see that torture me. The spit lies in two ‘U’ shaped metal troughs. There are no bearings and if they were greased it has long run off. The spit tries to climb the side of the troughs as it rotates before slipping back to the bottom sending vibrations through the spit that runs through my body and rattles against my teeth.

Some bitch called ‘Ulrika’ mists my face with a squirt bottle filled with what must be ice water and the spit is stopped periodically so she can shove a dental suction tube in my nostrils to suck out any blood pooling in my sinus cavity. It is not merciful. It is to keep me alive as long as possible. I would have choked on my own blood by now without her services.

One of the other things I had not considered when I had watched other spit-roasts was how limited the long pig’s (that is me now) field of view is very limited. I can turn my head only a couple degrees and that is only expanded that by how much I can move my eyes that are drying out by the minute!

I can’t see him but another man is talking to Merle….

book21a b and t.jpg

“So how long will she last” he asks.

“I think she could still be alive when I take her off the spit.”

“Really? Why would you do that?”

“The Chinese pay extra for a fresh brain” Merle explains. “If I get her off the spit while she is still alive when I cut her head off I get a $500K premium!”

“No shit” he replies.

I can hear you bastards!!!

-Barb


Tree
 
thehangingtree said:
'they' did!!!
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(just for anyone who's wondering)
Pete Seeger set the words from Ecclesiastes 3 to his tune 'Turn, turn, turn',
though I think he was adapting a traditional version which had been recorded by the Limeliters,
and it was that version that Judy Collins, and later The Byrds, covered.
 
Eulalia said:
(just for anyone who's wondering)
Pete Seeger set the words from Ecclesiastes 3 to his tune 'Turn, turn, turn',
though I think he was adapting a traditional version which had been recorded by the Limeliters,
and it was that version that Judy Collins, and later The Byrds, covered.
Click to expand...
Right, because after the latest installment of the story, the Pete Seeger thing was much on my mind. :D :devil:
 
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