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Revenge of the Pulps
- Thread starter Praefectus Praetorio
- Start date
![Man's Exploits cheesecake spread[18].png](https://www.cruxforums.com/xf/data/attachments/623/623441-1a88ca95d24638adcfe89b2d61b1f402.jpg "Man's Exploits cheesecake spread[18].png")
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
All Man -Super Size
“A Couple who know the score tell Why We Love Wife-Swapping” Wife-Swapping turns out to be far more common than many believe. Show of hands out there? See! Remarkable number! I’ve always thought Wife-Swapping is a good example of the “grass is greener” phenomenon. You both are very bored with your frumpy wives (How dare she let her body go after carrying four little brats for you in five years, why can’t she spend an hour getting made-up and putting on Saucy Scanties, after scrubbing the linoleum all day...I could go on and on) Tom’s wife can’t be worse.
“I Found the Fabulous Lost Treasure of the Czars” – dang it, another treasure gone before I got there.
“Vampirism --- Fresh Blood for Breakfast” – this really just doesn’t need a comment! Just read it a few times without laughing or puking. As a very wise and sexy young lady once said, “Who Dreams This Stuff Up?”
“Seven Ways to Recognize a Nymphomaniac” This could be a good “news you can use” article. After all, who doesn’t want to recognize those nymphos out there? I, however, have only two ways, but they are sure-fire: 1. Any girl on CF (incoming!!); 2. Hey Buddy, any girl interested in you, Mr. Balding, Beer-Bellied, Drooling-Lecher, HAS to be a Nymphomaniac! And a severe case at that!
The reason I wanted to post this Pulp, was to show that the Nazis were not just bad guys. They had a casual, fun-loving, playful side!
In the midst of all that torturing and killing, we see them take time off to play a little game of Cat on the Rail to entertain some of their female guests. Look at the innocent, child-like expressions of joy on their faces! These are guys who know how to get in touch with their inner, sensitive, more feminine side! Got to love ‘em! And what a playful little twist, playing the game over quicksand! Like playing in the sandbox as a little boy!
“A Couple who know the score tell Why We Love Wife-Swapping” Wife-Swapping turns out to be far more common than many believe. Show of hands out there? See! Remarkable number! I’ve always thought Wife-Swapping is a good example of the “grass is greener” phenomenon. You both are very bored with your frumpy wives (How dare she let her body go after carrying four little brats for you in five years, why can’t she spend an hour getting made-up and putting on Saucy Scanties, after scrubbing the linoleum all day...I could go on and on) Tom’s wife can’t be worse.
“I Found the Fabulous Lost Treasure of the Czars” – dang it, another treasure gone before I got there.
“Vampirism --- Fresh Blood for Breakfast” – this really just doesn’t need a comment! Just read it a few times without laughing or puking. As a very wise and sexy young lady once said, “Who Dreams This Stuff Up?”
“Seven Ways to Recognize a Nymphomaniac” This could be a good “news you can use” article. After all, who doesn’t want to recognize those nymphos out there? I, however, have only two ways, but they are sure-fire: 1. Any girl on CF (incoming!!); 2. Hey Buddy, any girl interested in you, Mr. Balding, Beer-Bellied, Drooling-Lecher, HAS to be a Nymphomaniac! And a severe case at that!
The reason I wanted to post this Pulp, was to show that the Nazis were not just bad guys. They had a casual, fun-loving, playful side!
In the midst of all that torturing and killing, we see them take time off to play a little game of Cat on the Rail to entertain some of their female guests. Look at the innocent, child-like expressions of joy on their faces! These are guys who know how to get in touch with their inner, sensitive, more feminine side! Got to love ‘em! And what a playful little twist, playing the game over quicksand! Like playing in the sandbox as a little boy!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
No discussion. Just cool tights!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Ever wonder what would happen to the whole of Western Civilization without Cleavage?
I know. Too horrid to Imagine!
Line from The Producers the movie for this thread, "Springtime for Hitler!" - "If you've got it, Baby, Flaunt It!"
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Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
"I donna think the shields can hold, Captain! They have to, Scotty. The good ship Venus can't take much more of this!"
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
With a figurehead of a whore in bed, and the mast, a mammoth penis,Strange name for an intergalactic bordello ship ...
we strike terror in the hearts of the Klingons! Cum on now, Scotty, give her all you've got!!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Man’s Story August 1968 Large Format
“Secret Sex Skills -How to Master Them” the frequency of this instruction in these mags, gives new meaning to “continuing education”
“Bring Back the Naked Angel of the Hell Rider’s Lust Cult” There will be actual naked angels in the second in The Agent series (not exactly “actual”, but it sells books) So many good words in one lame title. The inside edition
“Psyching out: Our National Disgrace.” I confess this is one that leaves me without an intelligent thought. {You never have an intelligent thought!} Who said that? Five hours in the Harness of Terror.
“Parking Lot Passion – The Teenage Menace” There they go again, those passionate teenage (girls) being a Menace. We should start a neighborhood watch, be on the lookout for them!
“I was a Surfers’ ORGY GIRL” Note surfing was growing in national awareness. All I can say is “You Go Girl!”
Not Blurbed, but this was another inside story. White Slavery. Is it part of that investigation in “Basement Bound?”
Also not Blurbed: "Love me to Death," What a way to go!
“Helpless Virgins on the Nazis’ Harness of Terror!” Love those helpless virgins; I keep saying girls, lose it early (I’m glad to do my part!) and the Nazis will leave you alone!
Rather gullible victim here, “Do you guarantee this will loosen up my sore back? And what’s the bare-chested guy doing with that torch?” “That’s just Horst Von Hassel. He’s going to weld a new fender on his BMW 326 salon."
“Secret Sex Skills -How to Master Them” the frequency of this instruction in these mags, gives new meaning to “continuing education”
“Bring Back the Naked Angel of the Hell Rider’s Lust Cult” There will be actual naked angels in the second in The Agent series (not exactly “actual”, but it sells books) So many good words in one lame title. The inside edition
“Psyching out: Our National Disgrace.” I confess this is one that leaves me without an intelligent thought. {You never have an intelligent thought!} Who said that? Five hours in the Harness of Terror.
“Parking Lot Passion – The Teenage Menace” There they go again, those passionate teenage (girls) being a Menace. We should start a neighborhood watch, be on the lookout for them!
“I was a Surfers’ ORGY GIRL” Note surfing was growing in national awareness. All I can say is “You Go Girl!”
Not Blurbed, but this was another inside story. White Slavery. Is it part of that investigation in “Basement Bound?”
Also not Blurbed: "Love me to Death," What a way to go!
“Helpless Virgins on the Nazis’ Harness of Terror!” Love those helpless virgins; I keep saying girls, lose it early (I’m glad to do my part!) and the Nazis will leave you alone!
Rather gullible victim here, “Do you guarantee this will loosen up my sore back? And what’s the bare-chested guy doing with that torch?” “That’s just Horst Von Hassel. He’s going to weld a new fender on his BMW 326 salon."
this was another inside story. White Slavery. Is it part of that investigation in “Basement Bound?”
One never knows ... could be ....
Mark Kee
Magistrate
Ah, the Nazis, up to their old tricks again. I remember these old pulp magazines from when I was young and almost every cover had the Nazis doing some dastardly thing, like abusing half naked women. (much to my delight). It is good that they added a little variety, though, and had biker gangs, white slavers and other deviant criminals abusing half naked women as well.
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Fun should be shared!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Enjoy this lovely artwork. Full cover and review sometime.
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Peril , the All Man’s Magazine, September 1962
“special report: Happiness Pills and Your Love Life.” Just when you thought their promises couldn’t get any better, we get Love Life AND Happiness Pills. Warning: story concerns how tranquilizers (happiness pills) can interfere with erections! Uh Oh!
“Tarpon Can Bust You Back!” Tarpons are large air-breathing fish of the genus Megalops; one species is native to the Atlantic. Tarpons grow to about 4–8 ft long and weigh 60–280 lbs. Be careful lifting one. But really, who cares!
“Sex Scandal that rocked an Empire” - without further details, and with knowledge of how these mags stretched the truth, this could been any government of any country in the history of the world.
“Passport to Hell” see above. Boy, this is hard sometimes!
“Strange Cult of the Vampire Tarantulas!” now here’s a story that can tie you in knots. One with a sting to it. A riddle cocooned in mystery. Yeah, I know, those stories above just made me jaded. But seriously Tolkien come to Pulps
"But still, she was there, who was there before Sauron, and before the first stone of Barad-dûr; and she served none but herself, drinking the blood of Elves and Men, bloated and grown fat with endless brooding on her feasts, weaving webs of shadow; for all living things were her food, and her vomit darkness."
—The Two Towers
Shelob was a Great Spider, that was the greatest offspring of Ungoliant, the primordial spider.
Don’t you find, given the circumstances in the artwork, that the DID is only mildly annoyed?
“special report: Happiness Pills and Your Love Life.” Just when you thought their promises couldn’t get any better, we get Love Life AND Happiness Pills. Warning: story concerns how tranquilizers (happiness pills) can interfere with erections! Uh Oh!
“Tarpon Can Bust You Back!” Tarpons are large air-breathing fish of the genus Megalops; one species is native to the Atlantic. Tarpons grow to about 4–8 ft long and weigh 60–280 lbs. Be careful lifting one. But really, who cares!
“Sex Scandal that rocked an Empire” - without further details, and with knowledge of how these mags stretched the truth, this could been any government of any country in the history of the world.
“Passport to Hell” see above. Boy, this is hard sometimes!
“Strange Cult of the Vampire Tarantulas!” now here’s a story that can tie you in knots. One with a sting to it. A riddle cocooned in mystery. Yeah, I know, those stories above just made me jaded. But seriously Tolkien come to Pulps
"But still, she was there, who was there before Sauron, and before the first stone of Barad-dûr; and she served none but herself, drinking the blood of Elves and Men, bloated and grown fat with endless brooding on her feasts, weaving webs of shadow; for all living things were her food, and her vomit darkness."
—The Two Towers
Shelob was a Great Spider, that was the greatest offspring of Ungoliant, the primordial spider.
Don’t you find, given the circumstances in the artwork, that the DID is only mildly annoyed?
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
8 Feet and 280 lbs. Definitely for the "plus" woman!I thought that was Tampons - now they would be seriously scary
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
I thought that was Tampons - now they would be seriously scary
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
I will never understand the "so-called" theater experts who review The Producers and say that the musical within the Musical, Springtime for Hitler, is a joke! I get a lump and all misty when I play my well-worn recording (no more than twice a day now!)
CHORUS:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me!
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
And now it's...
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Rhineland's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany...
CHORUS:
Look, it's springtime
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Winter for Poland and France
CHORUS AND STORMTROOPER:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
STORMTROOPER:
Come on, Germans
Go into your dance!
STORMTROOPER "ROLF":
I was born in Dusseldorf und that is why they call me Rolf.
STORMTROOPER "MEL":
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party!
ULLA:
The Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer is coming!
STORMTROOPER #1:
Heil Hitler!
STORMTROOPER #2:
Heil Hitler!
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Heil Hitler!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ALL:
Heil Hitler!
ROGER (as Der Führer):
Heil myself
Heil to me
I'm the kraut
Who's out to change our history
Heil myself
Raise your hand
There's no greater
Dictator in the land!
Everything I do, I do for you!
CHORUS:
Yes, you do!
ROGER:
If you're looking for a war, here's World War Two!
Heil myself
Raise your beer
CHORUS:
Jawohl!
ROGER:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi stand and cheer
CHORUS:
Hooray!
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
...stand and cheer!
THE HEIL-LOs:
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
He's got those Russians on the run
You gotta love that wacky hun!
The Fuhrer is causing a furor
They can't say "no" to his demands
They're freaking out in foreign lands
He's got the whole world in his hands
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
ROGER:
I was just a paper hanger
No one more obscurer
Got a phone call from the Reichstag
Told me I was Fuhrer
Germany was blue
What, oh, what to do?
Hitched up my pants
And conquered France
Now Deutschland's smiling through!
ULLA:
Challenge Tap, Challenge Tap,
Adolf digs a challenge tap,
Bring on the allies to hear the news,
the facts is the axis, cannot lose!
Cos' Mr H.
ROGER:
Who is that?
ULLA:
Mr H.
ROGER:
That's me!
ULLA:
Is wearing his dancing shoes!
STALIN:
I am Stalin,
You'll soon be fallin'!
CHURCHILL:
I am Churchill,
I'm here to win the day!
ROGER:
It ain't no myst'ry
If it's politics or hist'ry
The thing you gotta know is
Ev'rything is show biz
Heil myself
Watch my show
I'm the German Ethel Merman
Dontcha know
We are crossing borders
The new world order is here
Make a great big smile
Ev'ryone sieg heil to me
Wonderful me!
And now it's...
CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Goose-step's the new step today
ROGER:
Springtime!
Goose-steps!
CHORUS MEN:
Bombs falling from the skies again
CHORUS:
Deutschland is on the rise again
ROGER & CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
U-boats are sailing once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ROGER:
Means that...
CHORUS:
Soon we'll be going...
ROGER:
We've got to be going...
CHORUS:
You know we'll be going....
ROGER:
You bet we'll be going...
ROGER & CHORUS:
You know we'll be going to war!!
Excuse me. I have to go find some tissue (sniff).
CHORUS:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found
The man for you and me!
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
And now it's...
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Rhineland's a fine land once more!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Watch out, Europe
We're going on tour!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany...
CHORUS:
Look, it's springtime
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Winter for Poland and France
CHORUS AND STORMTROOPER:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
CHORUS:
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
Springtime! Springtime!
STORMTROOPER:
Come on, Germans
Go into your dance!
STORMTROOPER "ROLF":
I was born in Dusseldorf und that is why they call me Rolf.
STORMTROOPER "MEL":
Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party!
ULLA:
The Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer is coming, the Fuhrer is coming!
STORMTROOPER #1:
Heil Hitler!
STORMTROOPER #2:
Heil Hitler!
LEAD TENOR STORMTROOPER:
Heil Hitler!
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ALL:
Heil Hitler!
ROGER (as Der Führer):
Heil myself
Heil to me
I'm the kraut
Who's out to change our history
Heil myself
Raise your hand
There's no greater
Dictator in the land!
Everything I do, I do for you!
CHORUS:
Yes, you do!
ROGER:
If you're looking for a war, here's World War Two!
Heil myself
Raise your beer
CHORUS:
Jawohl!
ROGER:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi stand and cheer
CHORUS:
Hooray!
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
Heil myself!
CHORUS:
Ev'ry hotsy-totsy Nazi...
ROGER:
...stand and cheer!
THE HEIL-LOs:
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
He's got those Russians on the run
You gotta love that wacky hun!
The Fuhrer is causing a furor
They can't say "no" to his demands
They're freaking out in foreign lands
He's got the whole world in his hands
The Fuhrer is causing a furor!
ROGER:
I was just a paper hanger
No one more obscurer
Got a phone call from the Reichstag
Told me I was Fuhrer
Germany was blue
What, oh, what to do?
Hitched up my pants
And conquered France
Now Deutschland's smiling through!
ULLA:
Challenge Tap, Challenge Tap,
Adolf digs a challenge tap,
Bring on the allies to hear the news,
the facts is the axis, cannot lose!
Cos' Mr H.
ROGER:
Who is that?
ULLA:
Mr H.
ROGER:
That's me!
ULLA:
Is wearing his dancing shoes!
STALIN:
I am Stalin,
You'll soon be fallin'!
CHURCHILL:
I am Churchill,
I'm here to win the day!
ROGER:
It ain't no myst'ry
If it's politics or hist'ry
The thing you gotta know is
Ev'rything is show biz
Heil myself
Watch my show
I'm the German Ethel Merman
Dontcha know
We are crossing borders
The new world order is here
Make a great big smile
Ev'ryone sieg heil to me
Wonderful me!
And now it's...
CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Goose-step's the new step today
ROGER:
Springtime!
Goose-steps!
CHORUS MEN:
Bombs falling from the skies again
CHORUS:
Deutschland is on the rise again
ROGER & CHORUS:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
U-boats are sailing once more
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
ROGER:
Means that...
CHORUS:
Soon we'll be going...
ROGER:
We've got to be going...
CHORUS:
You know we'll be going....
ROGER:
You bet we'll be going...
ROGER & CHORUS:
You know we'll be going to war!!
Excuse me. I have to go find some tissue (sniff).
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Ok, following that brief Patriotic maudlin Interlude, Back to Pulps and a rather rare genre, Arab sex paperbacks!
The Lady from L.U.S.T. #4, 1968: 5 Beds to Mecca
I love the way she conceals her sword and gun! I think a lot of you gals could learn from Operative Oh Oh Sex how to serve us men lying down. Any cupcakes out there want instruction? A show of hands; I'm prepared to teach!
The Lady from L.U.S.T. #4, 1968: 5 Beds to Mecca
I love the way she conceals her sword and gun! I think a lot of you gals could learn from Operative Oh Oh Sex how to serve us men lying down. Any cupcakes out there want instruction? A show of hands; I'm prepared to teach!