Limericks

[Barbaria1]

I knew it!!

And the rest of them were from that “pillage and rape” crowd from those other northern lands to the east.

 

[windar]

In fact some of my ancestors were.

Some of mine drank Scotch. Including yours truly...

And the rest of them were from that “pillage and rape” crowd from those other northern lands to the east.

Such harsh words. Can we just say they were sharing the wealth and employing comfort women?

 

[Wragg]

The Ballad o’ Bonnie Wee Barb (partus septimus)

Wee Barb knew two twins from Arbroath,
She encouraged their personal growth,
With her tongue and her lips
And a shake of her hips,
She managed to satisfy both.

Oh, do stop it, Monty, before I do myself an injury!

 

[Wragg]

Limericks about Barb,there are lots,
We are tying ourself into knots.
Some are insulting,
Without even consulting
If her antecedents were Scots

Et two, tunines?

 

[d'Not]

(For some reason this made me think of Star Wars...)

The rebels were in disarray,
And Darth Vader was winning the day.
Does it matter? Well, no,
‘Twas a long time ago,
In a Galaxy far, far away.

Oh Master Crusto
The time these verses first tickled my brain was a decade or so before Star Wars. If you buy in to parallel universes, it was most likely not this galaxy, but who's to say.

 

[twonines]

Monty, these Limericks of yours
Cast Barb as a Scot, with due cause.
But what leaves me fazed,
And completely amazed,
She hasn`t had a dose of the tawse.

 

[montycrusto]

The Ballad o’ Bonnie Wee Barb (partus octopus)

While hiding wi’ Robert the Bruce,
Wee Barb saw his armour was loose.
She slipped in her hand,
Made his manhood upstand,
Saying “Lordy , it’s Robert the Spruce!”

 

[montycrusto]

She hasn`t had a dose of the tawse

Whipping her through centuries of Scottish history doesn’t count?

 

[montycrusto]

The ballad o’Bonnie wee Barb
(Parte nueva)

On the bridge o’er the silvery Tay,
Barb drove a steam engine one day.
She said “Let’s go faster!”
And caused a disaster,
“Oh shit!” was all she could say.

apologies to William McGonagall I guess, and not for the first time

 

[twonines]

For causing a disaster on the Tay,
A steep price Barb had to pay,
To prison she went,
And there she was bent,
So her tight little, a wardress could flay.

 

[Barbaria1]

The ballad o’Bonnie wee Barb
(Parte nueva)

On the bridge o’er the silvery Tay,
Barb drove a steam engine one day.
She said “Let’s go faster!”
And caused a disaster,
“Oh shit!” was all she could say.

apologies to William McGonagall I guess, and not for the first time

For causing a disaster on the Tay,
A steep price Barb had to pay,
To prison she went,
And there she was bent,
So her tight little, a wardress could flay.

About that disaster on Tay
It’s all a damn lie I must say
It was Monty driving
I was merely riding
It’s he not I who should pay

 

[montycrusto]

About that disaster on Tay
It’s all a damn lie I must say
It was Monty driving
I was merely riding
It’s he not I who should pay

One might think that , when driving a train,
From crashing it, Barb would refrain.
For a while at least,
But no, she’s off piste,
Exploring the rugged terrain.

 

[twonines]

About that disaster on Tay
It’s all a damn lie I must say
It was Monty driving
I was merely riding
It’s he not I who should pay

Barb is never to blame,
She claims it again and again.
The train crashed to a halt
"It`s all Monty`s fault"
But Barb will be getting the cane.

 

[Barbaria1]

One might think that , when driving a train,
From crashing it, Barb would refrain.
For a while at least,
But no, she’s off piste,
Exploring the rugged terrain.

Barb is never to blame,
She claims it again and again.
The train crashed to a halt
"It`s all Monty`s fault"
But Barb will be getting the cane.

You guys stick together
No matter the weather
It’s always the same
Barb gets the blame
And must feel the leather

 

[twonines]

Once these Limericks start,
It`s impossible not to take part.
She`s portrayed in this verse,
Sometimes better, sometimes worse.
But fortunately, Barb just has a great heart.

 

[Barbaria1]

Once these Limericks start,
It`s impossible not to take part.
She`s portrayed in this verse,
Sometimes better, sometimes worse.
But fortunately, Barb just has a great heart.

No, it’s my tight little ass
Not to mention my sass
That stirs the heart
Prompts versing to start
Although most is quite crass

 

[twonines]

No, it’s my tight little ass
Not to mention my sass
That stirs the heart
Prompts versing to start
Although most is quite crass

You certainly have plenty of sass,
To suggest our verses are crass.
It won`t be the verse,
But something much worse,
That lines your tight little ass.

 

[twonines]

In CF, we regard Barb as a treasure,
Her adventures occupy much of our leasure.
The thought of her stripped,
Her tight little whipped,
Is a source of immeasurable pleasure!

 

[montycrusto]

In CF, we regard Barb as a treasure,
Her adventures occupy much of our leasure.
The thought of her stripped,
Her tight little whipped,
Is a source of immeasurable pleasure!

(One of your best, @twonines ! I particularly like the “immeasurable pleasure” at the end, brilliant!)

 

[twonines]

(One of your best, @twonines ! I particularly like the “immeasurable pleasure” at the end, brilliant!)

Thanks, Monty, you are still the Limerick king.