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Now This Just Isn't Funny

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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless"with a big smile on his face
 
Pfizer the wizard looked at Mercurichrome, his maid, with lust in his eyes. She was a buxom and energetic girl and had worked for him ever since she had arrived from her home town of Mexaform... See? It works a treat! :D
 
Jollyrei said:
Pfizer the wizard looked at Mercurichrome, his maid, with lust in his eyes. She was a buxom and energetic girl and had worked for him ever since she had arrived from her home town of Mexaform... See? It works a treat! :D
Click to expand...
The evil witches Astra and Zeneca, jealous about Pfizer's wizzard skills, send the dwarf Paracetamol to Mercurichrome, to give her a headache anytime wizzard Pfizer wants to go to bed with her.:goofy:
 
Jollyrei said:
I'm just going to check medicine bottles from now on to get names for fantasy stories. :D
Click to expand...
Let's see if I can cook up some fantasy drivel using exclusively pharma brand names.

By the ancient chronicler Rybelsus we know, from those verses of his 'Trelegy of Tavalisse' that have survived the ravages of time, of such things that came to pass in the days when the Golden Age of Men came to a close.​
​
When the proud towers of Iluvien and Isentress had fallen, and for a thousand years after, men had neither the courage nor craft to raise anything alike.​
​
But still dread Carbaglu slept among the parched dunes of lost Sancuso, still lay silent, never stirring nor waking, as promised by the elders, for so long as the binding spell held, once cast with her dying breath by the fair princess, Eucrisa Crinone.​
​
In those days Rybelsus speaks of, it was Absorica queen of Belsomra who had declared herself keeper of the binding spells, but she knew in her heart that for lack of righteousness and purity she could not hold back the darkness that was already feasting on her spirit.​
​
So it is told, how she turned to the wizard Malarone the seven-tongued with his false promises, and for a time the peoples of the realm believed themselves to be safe, as all manners of illusions and glamours kept them from recognizing the portents of swiftly coming doom.​
​
But during the feasts of Celebrex held every seventh year, many visitors came from abroad, warriors and witches, paladins and priestesses, wise men and wizards. They came from Parsabiv and Zemaira in the East, from Tybost and Corifact in the West, from far northern Veltassa and from Idhifa beyond the southern sands.​
​
And as their senses had not been slowly corrupted, and they saw all at once the changes that had come over the fair land of Belsomra, dimming the very light in its skies, and making cruel the ways of a once kind people ... they understood what sorcery was occurring, and conferred amongst themselves.​
​
And when Queen Absorica deemed to change the rites of Celebrex, and unleashed the Punishment of Flagyl on those who objected, they decided to act. And we remember due to the verses of Rybelsus, down through the ages the names of their champions - the daring Daurismo, Zirgan the wise, Ridaura the immaculate and others.​
​
Seeing herself surrounded by these challengers each with their unique strength, so that there was no one spell with which she could destroy all at once, the sorceress Absorica attempted to flee, by crying the flying-spell, 'Levemir, Levemir'.​
​
But the power of Malarone did not come to her rescue - all those that make a pact with the darkness, in the end find themselves abandoned there, and the magic of her challengers bound her. So she unleashed the monsters Onureg and Skelaxin from their alcoves, and in the time this granted her, sought to escape on the back of the winged mare Fulphila.​
​
But her mount rejected her, and threw her off, and as she tumbled screaming towards the ground, Zirgan's fire-arrow pierced her black heart and flames burst forth from her mouth and nothing more than ashes settled to the ground. Such was the end of Absorica, and a lifetime's respite from the waking of dread Carbaglu.​

Argh.
There really are drugs named Flagyl and Carbaglu and so on.
Now my brain hurts.
I think I need to pop a Pertinax or two.
 
malins said:
Let's see if I can cook up some fantasy drivel using exclusively pharma brand names.

By the ancient chronicler Rybelsus we know, from those verses of his 'Trelegy of Tavalisse' that have survived the ravages of time, of such things that came to pass in the days when the Golden Age of Men came to a close.​
​
When the proud towers of Iluvien and Isentress had fallen, and for a thousand years after, men had neither the courage nor craft to raise anything alike.​
​
But still dread Carbaglu slept among the parched dunes of lost Sancuso, still lay silent, never stirring nor waking, as promised by the elders, for so long as the binding spell held, once cast with her dying breath by the fair princess, Eucrisa Crinone.​
​
In those days Rybelsus speaks of, it was Absorica queen of Belsomra who had declared herself keeper of the binding spells, but she knew in her heart that for lack of righteousness and purity she could not hold back the darkness that was already feasting on her spirit.​
​
So it is told, how she turned to the wizard Malarone the seven-tongued with his false promises, and for a time the peoples of the realm believed themselves to be safe, as all manners of illusions and glamours kept them from recognizing the portents of swiftly coming doom.​
​
But during the feasts of Celebrex held every seventh year, many visitors came from abroad, warriors and witches, paladins and priestesses, wise men and wizards. They came from Parsabiv and Zemaira in the East, from Tybost and Corifact in the West, from far northern Veltassa and from Idhifa beyond the southern sands.​
​
And as their senses had not been slowly corrupted, and they saw all at once the changes that had come over the fair land of Belsomra, dimming the very light in its skies, and making cruel the ways of a once kind people ... they understood what sorcery was occurring, and conferred amongst themselves.​
​
And when Queen Absorica deemed to change the rites of Celebrex, and unleashed the Punishment of Flagyl on those who objected, they decided to act. And we remember due to the verses of Rybelsus, down through the ages the names of their champions - the daring Daurismo, Zirgan the wise, Ridaura the immaculate and others.​
​
Seeing herself surrounded by these challengers each with their unique strength, so that there was no one spell with which she could destroy all at once, the sorceress Absorica attempted to flee, by crying the flying-spell, 'Levemir, Levemir'.​
​
But the power of Malarone did not come to her rescue - all those that make a pact with the darkness, in the end find themselves abandoned there, and the magic of her challengers bound her. So she unleashed the monsters Onureg and Skelaxin from their alcoves, and in the time this granted her, sought to escape on the back of the winged mare Fulphila.​
​
But her mount rejected her, and threw her off, and as she tumbled screaming towards the ground, Zirgan's fire-arrow pierced her black heart and flames burst forth from her mouth and nothing more than ashes settled to the ground. Such was the end of Absorica, and a lifetime's respite from the waking of dread Carbaglu.​

Argh.
There really are drugs named Flagyl and Carbaglu and so on.
Now my brain hurts.
I think I need to pop a Pertinax or two.
Click to expand...
Brilliant! :ARMS1: :thumbup:
 
These are actual drug names (look them up).

However, I did take some liberties with the diseases.

Anakinra -- For treatment of acute Sky Walking.

Domperidone -- I have successfully completed my treatment for constipation.

Pancuronium -- Anything you got, baby, it cures.

Phensuximide -- Unlike somebody else we know, this does involve swallowing.
 
Last edited:
malins said:
Let's see if I can cook up some fantasy drivel using exclusively pharma brand names.

By the ancient chronicler Rybelsus we know, from those verses of his 'Trelegy of Tavalisse' that have survived the ravages of time, of such things that came to pass in the days when the Golden Age of Men came to a close.​
​
When the proud towers of Iluvien and Isentress had fallen, and for a thousand years after, men had neither the courage nor craft to raise anything alike.​
​
But still dread Carbaglu slept among the parched dunes of lost Sancuso, still lay silent, never stirring nor waking, as promised by the elders, for so long as the binding spell held, once cast with her dying breath by the fair princess, Eucrisa Crinone.​
​
In those days Rybelsus speaks of, it was Absorica queen of Belsomra who had declared herself keeper of the binding spells, but she knew in her heart that for lack of righteousness and purity she could not hold back the darkness that was already feasting on her spirit.​
​
So it is told, how she turned to the wizard Malarone the seven-tongued with his false promises, and for a time the peoples of the realm believed themselves to be safe, as all manners of illusions and glamours kept them from recognizing the portents of swiftly coming doom.​
​
But during the feasts of Celebrex held every seventh year, many visitors came from abroad, warriors and witches, paladins and priestesses, wise men and wizards. They came from Parsabiv and Zemaira in the East, from Tybost and Corifact in the West, from far northern Veltassa and from Idhifa beyond the southern sands.​
​
And as their senses had not been slowly corrupted, and they saw all at once the changes that had come over the fair land of Belsomra, dimming the very light in its skies, and making cruel the ways of a once kind people ... they understood what sorcery was occurring, and conferred amongst themselves.​
​
And when Queen Absorica deemed to change the rites of Celebrex, and unleashed the Punishment of Flagyl on those who objected, they decided to act. And we remember due to the verses of Rybelsus, down through the ages the names of their champions - the daring Daurismo, Zirgan the wise, Ridaura the immaculate and others.​
​
Seeing herself surrounded by these challengers each with their unique strength, so that there was no one spell with which she could destroy all at once, the sorceress Absorica attempted to flee, by crying the flying-spell, 'Levemir, Levemir'.​
​
But the power of Malarone did not come to her rescue - all those that make a pact with the darkness, in the end find themselves abandoned there, and the magic of her challengers bound her. So she unleashed the monsters Onureg and Skelaxin from their alcoves, and in the time this granted her, sought to escape on the back of the winged mare Fulphila.​
​
But her mount rejected her, and threw her off, and as she tumbled screaming towards the ground, Zirgan's fire-arrow pierced her black heart and flames burst forth from her mouth and nothing more than ashes settled to the ground. Such was the end of Absorica, and a lifetime's respite from the waking of dread Carbaglu.​

Argh.
There really are drugs named Flagyl and Carbaglu and so on.
Now my brain hurts.
I think I need to pop a Pertinax or two.
Click to expand...
Superb! @Madiosi, please bookmark for the next Cruxers' Digest. :D
 
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